there are a lot of things to cry about in Order of the Phoenix, but one thing that caught me completely by surprise was the scene just after Harry EXPLODES at Ron and Hermione re: him teaching them all defence and accidentally smashes a bowl that he’d been nursing his Umbridged hand in: “"Reparo,“ Harry muttered, pointing his wand at the broken pieces of china. They flew back together, good as new, but there was no returning the murtlap essence to the bowl.” listen: this bowl is Harry. this BOWL is HARRY. this child has experienced a SEVERE TRAUMA and he’s PHYSICALLY FINE but he’s suffering from NIGHTMARES and MOOD SWINGS and probably a SEVERE CASE OF PTSD! HIS BOWL IS GOOD AS NEW BUT HE LEFT HIS MURTLAP ESSENCE BACK IN THE GRAVEYARD AT LITTLE HANGLETON AND HE CAN’T GET IT BACK!!!
do you think Voldemort asked Snape to slip him a copy of Harry’s timetable just to make sure that he wouldn’t be disrupting any exams with his annual attempt on Harry’s life? how else did he manage to time his Creepy and Misleading Vision for Harry’s very last exam of the year?Voldemort went to Hogwarts, okay? he KNOWS how important 5th year is. like yeah, he’s gonna kill this kid, but he’s gonna kill him after he’s sat all of his Wizarding GCSEs! mean, who sets their sights on overthrowing a school and DOESN’T care about education? he wants those young minds NOURISHED! he CARES! he’s the MICHAEL GOVE of the WIZARDING WORLD!
please picture Harry being snotty to Death Eaters, going on a madcap hurtle for his life through the Department of Mysteries, using an Unforgivable Curse on Bellatrix Lestrange, facing down Lord Voldemort and destroying Dumbledore’s office all while wearing a badge that says “HARRY POTTER, RESCUE MISSION”. (there’s no evidence in the text that Harry actually bothered to put his badge on, but at the same time there’s absolutely no evidence that he didn’t. so, in conclusion, you can pry this badge from my cold dead hands.)
the chapter where the Death Eaters chase the gang around the Department of Mysteries is incredibly entertaining if you look at it from the point of view of Lucius Malfoy: Cat Herder. he’s just trying to DO HIS JOB but he has to deal with all these CHILDREN! the literal ones AND the ones in masks, who should KNOW BETTER! ffs, he’s not a BABYSITTER. the Dark Lord didn’t assign him this Most Important Task because of his MANAGEMENT SKILLS! they should all be on CHILD LEASHES!!! this is NOT what he had in mind when he SIGNED UP FOR THE BADDIES! and, I mean: “Leave Nott, leave him, I say,” “Jugson, come back here, we need to organise!” sounds to ME like SOMEONE decided to take charge in the Group Project and had NO IDEA what they were letting themselves in for. have fun, Lucius! hope this doesn’t count towards your final mark!!!
I have a note here that really doesn’t need expanding on: “‘Hermione smashed into a bookcase and was promptly deluged in a cascade of heavy books’ – it’s how she’d want to go”.
three things. one: Lupin’s voice breaks when he tells Harry that Sirius can’t come back after falling through the veil. two: “Lupin turned away from the archway as he spoke. It sounded as though every word was causing him pain.” three: please imagine Remus going back to Grimmauld Place after this battle, sitting through the subsequent debriefing, seeing everyone off to their own homes, then climbing into a cold bed all alone and crying himself to sleep. thanks! have a great day!
when Dumbledore tells Harry about Kreacher’s part in luring Harry to the Ministry by lying to him about Sirius’s whereabouts, and Harry realises that Sirius was UPSTAIRS when he flooed him, that he was IN THE HOUSE while Kreacher was telling Harry that “Master will never come back from the Department of Mysteries”, that if he’d just flooed five minutes earlier or five minutes later he might have caught Sirius in the kitchen and he’d still be ALIVE, Harry has a panic attack. his lips go numb; his hands are “curled in cold fists”; his breathing’s fast and constricted; he can’t get his words out. he has a fucking PANIC ATTACK in the middle of Dumbledore’s office and THE NEXT PERSON I catch calling Harry a “whiny” “emo” “drama queen” is gonna get A HARDBACK COPY OF OOTP STRAIGHT IN THE MUSH!!!
on a lighter note, Draco Malfoy continues his trend of not being able to start a fight without being accidentally gay. this time, he comes out with this corker: “You think you’re such a big man, Potter. You wait. I’ll have you.” big man? I’ll HAVE YOU? I know what he means: he’s kicking off. it’s fighting talk. he’s just yet to master the art of starting shit without it also doubling as a PORN OPENING. he can’t get the knack of threatening Harry without also PROPOSITIONING HIM. I hope he lay in bed every night over the summer RELIVING IT, seeing over and over again behind his closed eyelids the moment he told Harry Potter that he was going to HAVE HIM. relive it, Draco, and burn.
I would very much like to see Charlie Weasley’s face when he catches Fred and George wearing dragonskin jackets. we certainly never see F&G wearing them again, so either Charlie threatens them in a so vivid a manner that they’re too terrified to even look at dragonskin ever again, OR he’s so disappointed in them and F&G are so ashamed of themselves that they return the jackets to wherever they bought them from and donate a chunk of their Wizard Wheezes money to the RSPCD (Royal Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Dragons).
Posted in full at: http://eemilyvr1.tumblr.com/post/119408138966