Can't I just shoot one of them in the stomach and let them bleed out, thereby leaving behind a septic mess that spreads as I beat the other one to death with the gun butt?

Okay, if not, J.Lo gets the bullet to the head, but only to prevent her from talking. I want Marti to whine and scream and cry. Then she'd know what the audience sounded like.

And Orlando Bloom can comfort me, because damn it, he wouldn't even have to try. :)