Somebody tell me I'm not allowed to write Top Chef RPF.

You are totally allowed to write it. I will read it and feedback mightily! So there. (What? I came of fandom-age in a fandom which featured real-people boyslash, loads of group sex, and both mother-son and underage-brother incest. Also, people were always randomly swapping genders, growing wings, and/or turning into fuzzy animals.)