Dear family ...

[apocalypsos]

Here are the reasons why I'm not still at your barbecue.

First off, I told you I was sick. I felt like crap and looked like it. Yet you continued to ask me in annoyed voices why I was lying down, why I stayed upstairs in my brother's room with him (who heard me say I was sick and did me the best favor in the world when he believed me), why I barely ate anything, and at one point offered my chair to someone else while I was sitting in it hacking up a lung.

Second off, you made a point of asking me why I didn't like The Da Vinci Code just so you could collectively pat me on the head like I didn't know what I was talking about when I said I thought it was badly written. There isn't a one of you who doesn't know that I know more about books and writing than every single one of you childish dumbasses (and I'm not saying that to brag, I'm saying that because it's the one thing I do best and I'm damned proud of it), so FUCK OFF.

And thirdly, pretending like you've never seen the fucking tattoos before is really goddamn old, since I got the last one three friggin' years ago. And saying that the One Ring tattoo looks like I wrote the alphabet on my arm to remember it does not make you witty, especially after you ask me for my opinion on a book and then treat me like I don't know what I'm talking about.

And those are the reasons I'm not still at your barbecue.

Comments

[budclare.livejournal.com]

I nominate you for sainthood.

[callmesyd.livejournal.com]

Worst barbeque ever. I send virtual platonic love to your brother for not sucking.

Now get better! *cracks whip*

[apocalypsos.livejournal.com]

You know why my brother is awesome? Because when I said I was sick, he said, "Are you dying?" And I froze for a second and said, "Yes, I have trichinosis," and he got this dopey grin on his face. YAY I KNOW ALL THE IN-JOKES. :)

[ladynaberrie.livejournal.com]

You both are awesome.

[mcee.livejournal.com]

ugh!

i'm not at your family barbecue because i have no reason to be, but if it were on purpose, THAT would totally be the reason, sister-friend.

[aberrantangels]

Not too long ago on AIM, I asked a friend of mine "Dude, do you have any relatives who don't need to be killed repeatedly in the face?" His answer, sad to say, was in the resounding negative.

At least you have one worthwhile relative at this shitfest. *patpat*

[wtfbrain.livejournal.com]

Best. Little. Brother. Ever.

Worst. Family. EVER.

*hugs*

[agilebrit.livejournal.com]

::hugs:: Hope you feel better soon.

I haven't read "The DaVinci Code" and have no intention to. Nor will I see the movie. Not only have I heard (a long time ago, before you confirmed it for me) that Dan Brown's writing style is crap (passive voice and pages and pages of boring exposition), but the author and the moviemakers are all talking out of both sides of their mouths. They laugh at Christians for taking the work seriously and excuse it as "fiction"...and then they tout it as "truth." Well, make up your minds!

[copernica3.livejournal.com]

Ouch. *hugs*. My mother has aired the opinion that she does not want to see the movie because "the book was so brilliant, nothing could live up to it, even with Tom Hanks." which made my head hurt, but at least she doesn't care that I hated it.
Also, I hope you feel better!

[witchofthedogs.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry, baby. I hope you feel better.

[laughingrat.livejournal.com]

Christ, that's more crap than you should have to put up with all at once even if you were well. You have my sympathies. Even my family doesn't outright insult me.

[azurelunatic]

My one knowitall co-worker (the younger one) is all going "OMG IT TURNS THE WORLD UPSIDE DOWN IF YOU BELIEVE THAT THE BIBLE IS TRUE!!"

[phoebesmum.livejournal.com]

Family. Can't live with 'em, can't kill and eat 'em. What you gonna do?

'The DaVinci Code', btw, is the literary equivalent of the dog poo you step in first thing in the morning when you're not quite awake and then can't quite get rid of the traces all day. You're right, they're wrong. Also? Tats are cool. I got my first one when I was 40+ because if I didn't, I never would, and I love it to bits. No, I don't think I'll regret it when I'm older, because I already am older.

[xturtle.livejournal.com]

I feel your pain. I love my family, but I loved them EVEN MORE when I lived 150 miles north of them. Your brother kicks ass, though, so you should tell him that he gets a Gold Star from fandom:-)

[fyrdrakken]

Seconded. I have some family members I'm happy to associate with at any possible occasion -- and others I very much wish lived farther away so I wouldn't have to deal with them so often.