Okay, that's it. I've had enough.

[apocalypsos]

If I have to hear one more thing about the Friends finale on the radio or TV today, I'm going to kick a puppy. So to prevent this sort of thing, I present to you a short FAQ for those who have questions regarding the finale tonight.


So. What happens during tonight's episode?

I'm not telling. That would be cheating.

Oh, come on!

Oh, all right. Everybody dies.

They do not!

No, but I can dream.

Ooo, do Ross and Rachel get together?

Yes. And no. Then yes, and then no. It's a race to the finish line to see how many times they can break up and get back together before the end of the episode!

It is not.

Well, it would be if it were a clip show.

You don't really hate Ross and Rachel that much, do you?

Dude, if any of you were in a relationship with a guy like Ross or a girl like Rachel, and you just kept going back, I wouldn't wish and hope and pray and stuff that the two of you hook up forever and ever 'cause it's romaaaaaantic.

I would hit you.

Hard.

With a two-by-four.

Over and over again in the head until I knocked some fucking sense into your skull.

But they have a baby together!

Yes, and so does Michael Jackson, with a woman. And we all know how wrong that would be.

Oh, it's over! Whatever shall I do with my Thursday nights?

Well, pigs have orgasms for a half an hour. Maybe you could do that for a half hour every Thursday night.

But, seriously, without being able to watch Friends, my life will be incomplete!

First off, get a hobby. Like, yesterday.

Secondly, it's called TBS. And it's always playing Friends. Trust me. Turn it on right now.

See?

But now that Friends is over, what will the actors do?

Well, after they're done bawling, Jennifer Aniston will go home and have sex repeatedly with Brad Pitt, just because she can. Courtney Cox will spend the next few years blissfully happy until it suddenly occurs to her one day while she's washing the dishes that she's married to David Arquette. Lisa Kudrow will do a succession of independent films made on what Bill Gates scrapes out of his couch every week, while Matthew Perry will make one bad "Whole Nine Yards" sequel after another until they start having to measure by light-years. David Schwimmer will be washing cars this Saturday at the local high school for his rent charity, and after a failed attempt at a spinoff, Matt LeBlanc will, of course, do porn.

How can you be so cruel? Friends is an institution!

Yeah, well, so is marriage. And Belleview.

Comments

[laurelin-kit.livejournal.com]

I have never seen an episode. Five minutes was enough and I wanted to shoot myself. I have only seen American Idol waiting for 24 to start. I watch Survivor, I admit. I wanted to shag Lex (the tattooed one) until he could no longer breathe and every inch of his tattooed skin was numb and tingly. I know he's 40 and married. That only makes it better. At least the first part, anyway. I have never watched MTV. Ever. I've never seen Seinfeld. I've never watched Cheers. I've never watched Seventh Heaven, except for once when my sadistic homeroom teacher thought we should see a Very Special Seventh Heaven on school violence or something.

Friends needs to die. Someone on the radio played an announcement about 'It all ends todaaay' with My Immortal in the background. For fucking Friends! It doesn't even deserve italics!

[polaris-starz.livejournal.com]

I've never seen any of those shows. My TV, if it is even on, is always on Food or History Channel. I've only ever seen half an episode of Friends; I fled upstairs halfway through and watched movies to erase the pain.

The only show I ever watched religiously was So Weird, and that was on Disney Channel.