apocalypsos | (no subject)

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Spongebob Squarepants porn? The Transformers looking up dirty freaking websites? Really horribly godawfully written Mina/Dorian smut?! Wow. I didn't know it was possible for my eyes to shoots out streams of blood and burst into flames at the same time. Finally, a party trick that kicks the ass of that beyond-lame cherry-stem-tying gag! Woohoo!

P.S. Please, no one ever let me near Adultfanfiction.net again. EVER. I beg you.

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But the bad porn is hilarious! I love adultfanfiction.net. It's comedy gold, once you get jaded enough to get past the eye-bleeding-flame-shooting phase. My favorite? Godzilla orgy.

Godzilla orgy?! Did you ever wonder, as I have, exactly how much crack some of these authors are on? Hee. :)

You have to read the Mina/Dorian porn, though. Seriously. Whoever let this man near the English language should be forced to watch "Corky Romano" over and over again until the person starts shooting blood out of at least four bodily orifices.

Godzilla orgy (http://adultfan.nexcess.net/aff/story.php?no=983).

What's scarier is the possibility that they're not on any crack at all.

And no! Not the dreaded Corky Romano torture! I hear they use that at Guantanamo.

And no! Not the dreaded Corky Romano torture! I hear they use that at Guantanamo.

My brother and his friend are watching it over and over again in the next room. I'm pretty sure they're being punished something, but unless they were caught trying to bomb a major city or download porn on my mom's computer or something, I can't think of anything that warrants that kind of abuse.

The definition of "ironic" in three parts:
1. My brother is in the next room laughing repeatedly over the scene where Chris Kattan sings "Take On Me" in his annoyingly bright yellow car and just-as-annoyingly bright yellow shirt because in his words, "He looks like such a moron."
2. He said it while wearing a bright yellow T-shirt.
3. Until my brother gets his car fixed, he's stuck driving my mom's bright yellow Beetle.

This, ladies and gentlemen, is my gene pool.

Okay, I just read the Godzilla orgy. And can I just say how difficult it is to type with my eyeballs splattered all over the screen?

God, please let this person be on crack. Please.

After I got the OMGWTFBBQ?!?! out of my system, I found Mitora's writing to have a sort of weird charm. Not much charm, mind you, but there's something so freewheeling and almost... innocent about it.

I'm not so forgiving about his/her Dark Crystal porn, though. Just NO, dude.

I spotted the Dark Crystal section on there. And, not surprisingly, avoided it like a bad case of the plague.

Puppet sex! Yes, now you can share your porn with the kids!

P.S. I have never seen Dark Crystal. On purpose. And now I know why.

The Dark Crystal scared the everliving crap out of me when I was a little kid, but now it's one of my favorite Henson products. But then, I am a whore for all things Henson. ... Uh, figuratively speaking, of course.

Word. Wordy McWord. The slash that shouldn't be slash and how did "she" get a pink bra? Yeah. What in all that is holy. I think what I'm going to do from now on, whenever someone pisses me off, I'm going to send that story to them to hurt them the way it hurt me.

*sobs* What were they doing to the shard?!?

There, there. At least Augra wasn't involved, though that's small comfort, I know.

TP, lol, well...I don't have a rope long enough to reach from here to where you are to tie you to your chair, so you'll have to be strong, baby, you'll have to be strong.

C, sending strength... (and I've never been to AFF.net--thankyouverymuchdon'tthinkishall...)

Hee. AFF.net isn't quite as bad as I make it out to be, honestly. It's just, the bad fic, and there's a lot of it ... *user shudders* Sometimes, it's overwhelmingly bad to a frightening degree.

Although I have found some definitely good, definitely addictive fics on there. If anybody's looking for a rec, the Quantum Xander series in the Buffy section (there's a first part in 75 chapters and another part that on chapter 30-something) is really quite good. It's totally X/S, and while the formatting's a little squishy and the canon's tweaked in places, I love every minute of it.

I can't believe I want Xander and Spike to get together so badly. It's a weird thing for me, but hey, at this point anybody has to be better for Spike than Buffy. Argh.

OMG. Nothing will make me go find a site faster than the words "spongebob" and "porn".

And now my brain is on fire. Good lord. I'm just gonna go give my shrink a call.

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