(no subject)
Oct. 15th, 2003 10:47 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
apocalypsosI've decided to start a religion.
Why? Well, it's either that or go back to watching the playoffs, and I'd much rather wait until later, after the horror and strife are over and the city of Chicago has gathered en masse in an Airplane-esque line to bitchslap Foul Ball Guy into next Tuesday. I anticipate much bloodshed and whining and will surely enjoy every minute of it.
But anyway, my religion. Which, by the way, will be named Bob.
Hey, shut up. You don't have a religion named Bob.
Now, unlike your run-of-the-mill deities, I will be taking requests as to what kinds of rules Bob will have. There's going to be the major one about love and respect for all other creatures, of course, but I was sort of thinking on a minor basis for the request line. You know, like "Thou shalt learn how to use your turn signal or spend eternity in the Beach Boys episode of 'Full House'" or "Thou shalt not trust leaders who look suspiciously like Alfred E. Neuman." That sort of thing.
Speaking from a personal point of view, I have to say that there most definitely will not be virgin sacrifices in the name of Bob. It's a waste of a perfectly good virgin and the least you could do is get them laid first.
However, if you wish to sacrifice Lord of the Rings actors in the name of Bob, I suppose I shall have to suffer.
(Oh, just so you know, in the religion of Bob, all marriage is between two people who love one another and sex is great. Really. If sex were bad at all, it wouldn't result in babies and orgasms, it would result in painful stomach cramps and rabid tapeworm infestations. And also, mimes. Lots and lots of mimes.)
Why? Well, it's either that or go back to watching the playoffs, and I'd much rather wait until later, after the horror and strife are over and the city of Chicago has gathered en masse in an Airplane-esque line to bitchslap Foul Ball Guy into next Tuesday. I anticipate much bloodshed and whining and will surely enjoy every minute of it.
But anyway, my religion. Which, by the way, will be named Bob.
Hey, shut up. You don't have a religion named Bob.
Now, unlike your run-of-the-mill deities, I will be taking requests as to what kinds of rules Bob will have. There's going to be the major one about love and respect for all other creatures, of course, but I was sort of thinking on a minor basis for the request line. You know, like "Thou shalt learn how to use your turn signal or spend eternity in the Beach Boys episode of 'Full House'" or "Thou shalt not trust leaders who look suspiciously like Alfred E. Neuman." That sort of thing.
Speaking from a personal point of view, I have to say that there most definitely will not be virgin sacrifices in the name of Bob. It's a waste of a perfectly good virgin and the least you could do is get them laid first.
However, if you wish to sacrifice Lord of the Rings actors in the name of Bob, I suppose I shall have to suffer.
(Oh, just so you know, in the religion of Bob, all marriage is between two people who love one another and sex is great. Really. If sex were bad at all, it wouldn't result in babies and orgasms, it would result in painful stomach cramps and rabid tapeworm infestations. And also, mimes. Lots and lots of mimes.)
