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apocalypsosLast night before I left for work I put on some stupid Lifetime movie while I was getting dressed. It was probably a bad move since it had me irritated for the rest of the night.
Okay, so, the movie. It was about this teenage mom, straight-A student, dressed like a preppy, seemingly (I only saw about twenty minutes of the movie right in the middle, so I'm not sure what came beforehand) only had sex with one guy what sounded like just the once and got pregnant. The scene that bugged the hell out of me was one in which she was walking into school with her sister and these girls started cough-whispering, "Slut," and, "Whore," girls who later on were shown to be a closer definition of either term than the main character was.
And dude, seriously, it's not like I didn't go to high school -- with real teenage girls, no less! -- so it's not like I don't know the kind of bitchy behavior teenage girls (and women in general, honestly) will resort to. But all that came to mind was:
MAKE UP YOUR FUCKING MIND, WORLD.
I'm a slut if I have sex. At all. EVER. Especially if I get caught, and by caught I mean "pregnant." Or if I catch AIDS or an STD. It doesn't matter if I get talked into one sexual encounter with a guy who I don't know has been seducing every woman who walks past him, I'm still the slut. Babies are wonderful and motherhood is as American as apple pie, but apple pie can usually be found to be a total whore depending on the circumstances.
I'm a slut if I enjoy sex. At all. EVER. The only thing I should be thinking about when I sleep with someone is babies -- you know, like guys do.
I'm a slut if I'm walking up to the front door of an abortion clinic because my father knocked me up, because four guys drugged me, locked in a room at a party and took turns with me, because I have the gall to worry about providing for the two kids I already have. As soon as the cells divide in my uterus that thing in there is way more important than me and has a right to life, except if it turns out to be a girl and I encourage her to go into obstetrics and gynecology -- then it's a crap shoot.
I'm a slut if I get pregnant and decide to get an abortion because I must do it all the time, since there are lots of women who love spending large amounts of money repeatedly on their birth control. I'm a slut if I get pregnant and give it up for adoption because I obviously don't care enough about the kid to keep it and probably wanted to sell it anyway, although those nice people in the picket lines outside the clinic were the ones to suggest it. I'm a slut if I get pregnant and decide to keep it, unless I have a father for it on standby, except if he's not the baby's real father and he turns out to be a jerk who knocks me up again and then leaves. Now I've got two babies by two different fathers and I'm REALLY a slut.
I'm a slut even though I'm almost a thirty-year-old virgin because I'm not waiting for marriage, I'm just waiting for someone who's not an asshole, because every time someone talks about sex I don't put my fingers in my ears and sing at the top of my lungs, because I like porn and have more kinks than a bag of curly fries, because all of that means I'm not even good enough at being a virgin for that politician from South Dakota who thinks I'd be a lot better at it if I were willfully ignorant, thirteen, and gang-raped by five guys with a broom and a beer bottle over a week.
I'm a slut if I'm fictional and hanging out in scenes with your favorite male character, even if I'm never seen sleeping with anyone and he sleeps with anything with a hole in it and has been in a canon threesome.
I'm a slut if we're both wearing the same tight jeans and tank top but you don't like me.
I'm a slut if we're friends and I date your ex-boyfriend, even though he's your ex, he's a good guy and the two of you never got along anyway because he was yours first, damn it!
I'm a slut because sluts do it for fun and whores do it for money, and at least whores only want your money and go away when you pay them.
I'm a slut if it turns out I'm a lesbian because all homosexuals are nymphomaniacs and all women are begging for sex so two women together must be REALLY slutty, and maybe we'll make out for you, and if not I'm still slutty but clearly I hate men so all I probably need is some serious deep-dicking.
I'm a slut if I commit to someone but we never get married, because all marriages like that of my one uncle and his ex-wife last forever but committed couples like my uncle and his boyfriend of twenty-seven years (now husband of the last few months) mean nothing.
I'm a slut if I wear a sundress or heels or makeup or anything more revealing than a sheet over my head or bother to shave my legs or style my hair, because it's clear I'm doing all of this so some random man on the street will offer to fuck me.
I'm a slut if we've both had sex with the exact same number of men but one of them was a guy you wanted.
I'm a slut if I look really hot in my bikini.
But I'm also a prude because I'm almost a thirty-year-old virgin and obviously there's got to be something wrong with me, because I spent three miserable years in college and didn't get laid because I was too busy trying not to have a nervous breakdown, because when we're in a conversation and you stare at my tits or my ass I'm offended, because beyond all human comprehension I don't want to fuck you.
Seriously, MAKE UP YOUR FUCKING MIND, WORLD.
And before someone shows up in the comments and says, "Did you NOT know the world was like this, Jenn?", of course I did, dumbass, but you never see me vent about it, do you? ;P
Okay, so, the movie. It was about this teenage mom, straight-A student, dressed like a preppy, seemingly (I only saw about twenty minutes of the movie right in the middle, so I'm not sure what came beforehand) only had sex with one guy what sounded like just the once and got pregnant. The scene that bugged the hell out of me was one in which she was walking into school with her sister and these girls started cough-whispering, "Slut," and, "Whore," girls who later on were shown to be a closer definition of either term than the main character was.
And dude, seriously, it's not like I didn't go to high school -- with real teenage girls, no less! -- so it's not like I don't know the kind of bitchy behavior teenage girls (and women in general, honestly) will resort to. But all that came to mind was:
MAKE UP YOUR FUCKING MIND, WORLD.
I'm a slut if I have sex. At all. EVER. Especially if I get caught, and by caught I mean "pregnant." Or if I catch AIDS or an STD. It doesn't matter if I get talked into one sexual encounter with a guy who I don't know has been seducing every woman who walks past him, I'm still the slut. Babies are wonderful and motherhood is as American as apple pie, but apple pie can usually be found to be a total whore depending on the circumstances.
I'm a slut if I enjoy sex. At all. EVER. The only thing I should be thinking about when I sleep with someone is babies -- you know, like guys do.
I'm a slut if I'm walking up to the front door of an abortion clinic because my father knocked me up, because four guys drugged me, locked in a room at a party and took turns with me, because I have the gall to worry about providing for the two kids I already have. As soon as the cells divide in my uterus that thing in there is way more important than me and has a right to life, except if it turns out to be a girl and I encourage her to go into obstetrics and gynecology -- then it's a crap shoot.
I'm a slut if I get pregnant and decide to get an abortion because I must do it all the time, since there are lots of women who love spending large amounts of money repeatedly on their birth control. I'm a slut if I get pregnant and give it up for adoption because I obviously don't care enough about the kid to keep it and probably wanted to sell it anyway, although those nice people in the picket lines outside the clinic were the ones to suggest it. I'm a slut if I get pregnant and decide to keep it, unless I have a father for it on standby, except if he's not the baby's real father and he turns out to be a jerk who knocks me up again and then leaves. Now I've got two babies by two different fathers and I'm REALLY a slut.
I'm a slut even though I'm almost a thirty-year-old virgin because I'm not waiting for marriage, I'm just waiting for someone who's not an asshole, because every time someone talks about sex I don't put my fingers in my ears and sing at the top of my lungs, because I like porn and have more kinks than a bag of curly fries, because all of that means I'm not even good enough at being a virgin for that politician from South Dakota who thinks I'd be a lot better at it if I were willfully ignorant, thirteen, and gang-raped by five guys with a broom and a beer bottle over a week.
I'm a slut if I'm fictional and hanging out in scenes with your favorite male character, even if I'm never seen sleeping with anyone and he sleeps with anything with a hole in it and has been in a canon threesome.
I'm a slut if we're both wearing the same tight jeans and tank top but you don't like me.
I'm a slut if we're friends and I date your ex-boyfriend, even though he's your ex, he's a good guy and the two of you never got along anyway because he was yours first, damn it!
I'm a slut because sluts do it for fun and whores do it for money, and at least whores only want your money and go away when you pay them.
I'm a slut if it turns out I'm a lesbian because all homosexuals are nymphomaniacs and all women are begging for sex so two women together must be REALLY slutty, and maybe we'll make out for you, and if not I'm still slutty but clearly I hate men so all I probably need is some serious deep-dicking.
I'm a slut if I commit to someone but we never get married, because all marriages like that of my one uncle and his ex-wife last forever but committed couples like my uncle and his boyfriend of twenty-seven years (now husband of the last few months) mean nothing.
I'm a slut if I wear a sundress or heels or makeup or anything more revealing than a sheet over my head or bother to shave my legs or style my hair, because it's clear I'm doing all of this so some random man on the street will offer to fuck me.
I'm a slut if we've both had sex with the exact same number of men but one of them was a guy you wanted.
I'm a slut if I look really hot in my bikini.
But I'm also a prude because I'm almost a thirty-year-old virgin and obviously there's got to be something wrong with me, because I spent three miserable years in college and didn't get laid because I was too busy trying not to have a nervous breakdown, because when we're in a conversation and you stare at my tits or my ass I'm offended, because beyond all human comprehension I don't want to fuck you.
Seriously, MAKE UP YOUR FUCKING MIND, WORLD.
And before someone shows up in the comments and says, "Did you NOT know the world was like this, Jenn?", of course I did, dumbass, but you never see me vent about it, do you? ;P
