(no subject)

[apocalypsos]

Dear computer,

I live on the fifth floor. You don't own a parachute. Remember that the next time you shut down in the middle of a round of Magic Inlay.

Sincerely,

Me

********


Dear A&E,

Soapdish?! Slumming, are we?

Sincerely,

Me

********


Dear Disney,

"Based on a Disneypark ride" should not be a successful film genre. That said, I really appreciate you hiring Eddie Murphy for "Haunted Mansion". Way to keep "Pirates" from starting a new trend, guys.

Sincerely,

Me

********


Dear new hair straightener,

I love you and want to bear your travel-sized curling-iron babies. That is all.

Sincerely,

Me

********


Dear AlphaSmart,

It's been two weeks since I sent you my current life savings. Can I have my new toy now?

Sincerely,

Me

********


Dear Michael Jackson fans around the world,

To steal a line from Chris Rock, if Michael Jackson weren't who he was, he wouldn't be this harassed saint you think he is. He would be Mike, the scary-looking bus-driving pedophile.

Sincerely,

Me

********


Dear Hilary Duff,

Please go away. Preferably in front of a train.

Sincerely,

Me