This is what's commonly called an exercise in futility.

One of the things on my list of things I want to see about getting done and out of the way is ... well, college. So I just filled out information for the University of Phoenix to contact me back.

Of course, the big problem is ... well, what ISN'T the big problem? With my job, online classes are the only possible way I could do college again. Even if I did get another job, doing it online would probably be a better option than being in a classroom, especially considering what three years of college did to me. I wasn't ready for college, I said as much, and I still "had to go or you'll never go." In my first year I got a C, a D, and two Fs when I'd never before gotten anything lower than a B-. The next two years weren't any better.

So I don't even know how many credits really counted by the end, or remember much of what I learned (I block a lot of my college years for purely emotional reasons), and thanks to my ridiculous excuse of a credit rating and my inability to pay back any bill not keeping me fed, clothed and housed, there's no way I'll be able to afford classes unless they're giving away an education for free now. I think I recall work saying something about paying for college classes and if they do this might qualify, but then again God only knows if the plant's even going to be open in a year.

But at least I'm asking about it, I guess. Can't hurt, except when I see how much it would cost and remember how much fun it is scrimping just to keep myself fed.

*sigh*

Further clarification on the college thing:

-- There's a weekend course program around here which is the only one I wouldn't mind taking. My mother took it. The problem? I work a four-day-on, four-day-off schedule. The weekend that I have off right now, I'll be working in four weeks.

-- Get another job? I took the one I have as a holdover so I'd be able to pay the bills until I got a better job. Two years later, I still can't find one.

-- Financial assistance? No one will be giving me money. Trust me. I wouldn't give me money. I wouldn't give me a loan, a grant, a scholarship ... hell, I wouldn't throw a quarter into a coffee cup I was holding on a street corner. My situation is THAT bad.

So even if I found a college course I could take, I couldn't pay for it. No, no matter how cheap it might be.

Hence the "exercise in futility" statement. I might as well be window-shopping for ponies.

(There's a reason my list only says, "See about college classes," but says, "Get published." Because I have a better chance of getting published at this point. Hey, anybody want to buy a kidney? Or some eggs? God knows I'm not getting any use out of them.)

Did you know that when you open the hood of a Honda Element, a big Kleenex pops up?

Well, I'm getting glasses.

I would be much happier about this development if it weren't for:

a.) it costing so much more than I'd expected even after insurance, meaning that ...
b.) I now have to go cancel my pre-order for those Firefly posters.
c.) Also, I have the same haircut and now will have almost the same glasses that I did in high school. *tugs on hair* Grow faster, damn it!

On the plus side -- if you want to call it that, since I really shouldn't have spent the money on it, but I needed something to make me happy after the whole glasses fiasco -- I bought these. I keep petting the packaging and not actually opening it, just muttering, "Bonjour, I've come to have sex with your family." I wonder what my family would say if they saw me fondling office supp-- actually, come to think about it, I don't think I know anybody who would think that was weird coming from me.

*sigh* If it weren't for bad luck, I'd have none at all.

For my own personal reference ...

Stuff for the spare room:

Futon -- On sale at Wal-Mart for $100.
Papasan chair (That's what those damn things are called -- *headsmack*) -- Frame and cushion on sale at Pier One for $130 combined.
Rug -- On sale at Wal-Mart for $80. (With my luck, that probably won't even be there by the time I have the cash for it. *sigh*)
Paper lantern lamp -- On sale at Target for $20, will probably go back to $30 by the time I have the cash for it. *sigh again*

So if I'm lucky that's $330 just for the basics.

No, seriously, anyone want a kidney? I hear they taste really good with beans and fancy wine. Oh, wait, that's livers, isn't it? Um ... well, how about an outline for a really tiny pool?