apocalypsos | (no subject)

And we see clips of people showing up. That includes Laura Linney's fugly hair, which I can only assume is streamlined for her protection. Did she decide to come looking like a hood ornament just for the hell of it?

Billy Bush interviews Hilary Swank. Still not liking that color. Billy Bush is now describing her role and segued into a description of how she was homeless for two weeks when she first arrived in Hollywood. Shut up, Billy Bush.

Annette Bening feels like the luckiest woman in the world, in a very practiced way. Bah, Annette Bening. No acceptance speech for you.

Jamie Foxx is wearing a very nice suit. And Jake Gyllenhaal just pounced on him. Mmm, pretty.

Halle Berry's now getting interviewed. Lady, I will give you twenty bucks if you bring up the Razzies. And when I say "Lady", I mean either Halle or the interviewer. Actually, I'd rather the interviewer, 'cause then Halle would get pissed, and I'd just laugh and laugh and laugh. Now they're showing her acceptance speech. Bah.

And Tom Hanks's acceptance speech for Philadelphia. Aaaaand Roberto Benigni's nutty behavior when he won.

Renee Zellweger is up with Billy Bush. That brunette hair makes her look about ten years older. Gyah.

Hi, Leo! I'm still a thirteen-year-old fangirl! *waves* *pounces on you* *is tackled by Gisele Bundchen*

Now Billy Bush has cornered Laura Linney. Egads. When she was boosting all of the hair products in California for her hair, did she pick up all of the eyeliner while she was at it?

Virginia Madsen is wearing the last dress she tried on. Well, DUH.

Orlando Bloom is getting interviewed. He was inspired in his acting career by Paul Newman, and inspired in his shaving abilities by Leo DiCaprio.

Kirsten Dunst's hair looks SO PRETTY blond and bobbed like that.

Now Cate Blanchett's up for an interview. WIN, KATE. And she's lovely and talented and married a dorky-looking guy. (He's probably really cool, but still ... dork.)

HA. They're showing the pirate clip from Finding Neverland. Watching him do Captain Jack Sparrow with little kids around was the best part of that movie.

And now Don Cheadle's up for interview. Man, I wish you had a chance up against Jamie Foxx this year. *cuddles you, you great big pile of talent*

Clive Owen's pretty. And talented. But mostly pretty. Except for the talent. ACK. Don't make me choose what you're better at, Clive.

Scarlett Johannson is wearing a dead elderly cocker spaniel on her head. (And you're not. For good reason.)

And now there's a Grand Staircase. If I see Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet anywhere near that thing, I expect to hear

cleolinda scream from all the way over here.

Billy Bush just made Penelope Cruz say "Oscar de la Renta" for the accent. SHUT UP, BILLY BUSH.

Now they're interviewing Mike Myers. Mike, get a haircut. But keep the suit. It's not bad.

And Billy Bush announces that Tom Hanks had the best Oscar acceptance speech ever. Really? Oookay. Whatever.

Ooooooooooo. Can I go to the Governor's Ball? Pleeeeease?

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaand that's the preshow.