(no subject)
Sep. 8th, 2003 04:26 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
apocalypsosDear spending public,
You don't know me, but I'm the RIAA. Hi! *user waves*
As you may have noticed in your newspaper today, we're suing you. Isn't it great? Personally, we think it's a wonderful idea, since many of us have cars and homes and kids and wives and mistresses and drug habits and ... um, we may have gotten a bit off-track with that last thing, but you get our point.
Now, you may be wondering when you, too, will be sued so that you can join that illustrious crowd of thieves and criminals known as "everyone on the planet in possession of a computer and Internet access." Soon, pets, very soon. And while you wait, you can sign up for our handy-dandy amnesty program, where you can proudly proclaim that you, like so many others, aren't about to spend twenty bucks on something that costs fifty cents to make, doesn't make half as much money as it should for the musicians, and frankly will be thoroughly obsolete within the next few years or so because of a form of music distribution that we aren't about to work with at all. Hey, if we're not making any money off it, what's the point, right?
And we know what you're saying to yourself. You're saying, "Self, CDs are getting more and more expensive and I just can't afford to buy CDs just for the one or two good songs that are on them." Well, folks, we all know why CDs are the only form of technology that have gotten more and more expensive, and that is, of course, because it costs more to produce fertilizer than it does to produce CDs. And quite honestly, there's more fertilizer in the music department of your local Wal-Mart than there is in the Garden section, if you catch my meaning.
We here at the RIAA understand that most of you would be perfectly willing to pay for music over the Internet, but we know that you'll understand that it'd be damn near impossible for us to jack up the prices on albums and CDs if they were distributed that way. Therefore, we're sure you'll be more than happy to let us sue every single one of you, knowing full well that if music downloads are taken away from you, you'll simply find another way to remind us that we stifle true artists, mass-produce mindless-crap one-hit wonder albums, keep all of the profits, alienate all of our customers through litigation, and generally exist in a world of logic entirely separate from your Earth logic.
Thank you, and here's your subpoena. *hands over subpoena, then makes a run for it*
You don't know me, but I'm the RIAA. Hi! *user waves*
As you may have noticed in your newspaper today, we're suing you. Isn't it great? Personally, we think it's a wonderful idea, since many of us have cars and homes and kids and wives and mistresses and drug habits and ... um, we may have gotten a bit off-track with that last thing, but you get our point.
Now, you may be wondering when you, too, will be sued so that you can join that illustrious crowd of thieves and criminals known as "everyone on the planet in possession of a computer and Internet access." Soon, pets, very soon. And while you wait, you can sign up for our handy-dandy amnesty program, where you can proudly proclaim that you, like so many others, aren't about to spend twenty bucks on something that costs fifty cents to make, doesn't make half as much money as it should for the musicians, and frankly will be thoroughly obsolete within the next few years or so because of a form of music distribution that we aren't about to work with at all. Hey, if we're not making any money off it, what's the point, right?
And we know what you're saying to yourself. You're saying, "Self, CDs are getting more and more expensive and I just can't afford to buy CDs just for the one or two good songs that are on them." Well, folks, we all know why CDs are the only form of technology that have gotten more and more expensive, and that is, of course, because it costs more to produce fertilizer than it does to produce CDs. And quite honestly, there's more fertilizer in the music department of your local Wal-Mart than there is in the Garden section, if you catch my meaning.
We here at the RIAA understand that most of you would be perfectly willing to pay for music over the Internet, but we know that you'll understand that it'd be damn near impossible for us to jack up the prices on albums and CDs if they were distributed that way. Therefore, we're sure you'll be more than happy to let us sue every single one of you, knowing full well that if music downloads are taken away from you, you'll simply find another way to remind us that we stifle true artists, mass-produce mindless-crap one-hit wonder albums, keep all of the profits, alienate all of our customers through litigation, and generally exist in a world of logic entirely separate from your Earth logic.
Thank you, and here's your subpoena. *hands over subpoena, then makes a run for it*
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2003-09-08 02:12 pm (UTC)Fark It All To RIAA
Date: 2003-09-08 03:24 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-09-08 03:27 pm (UTC)If you wanna get involved...
Date: 2003-09-08 03:58 pm (UTC)Dot org.
no subject
Date: 2003-09-08 06:39 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-09-08 06:42 pm (UTC)You'd be amazed how fast the groupies pounce on you when you tell them you're all about the art. And when you sing in the nude.
no subject
Date: 2003-09-08 09:03 pm (UTC)Ah, the RIAA and its motto: "Damn the Consumer, Full Speed Ahead!" Another dinosaur fightin' to stay alive...*shakes head*
no subject
Date: 2003-09-08 09:25 pm (UTC)But where does he keep his rolled up socks?
All musicians need to have their rolled up socks if they want the hoards of groupies!