apocalypsos | Heisted from annlarimer

See, what I plan to do from now on is rip off entries from everyone else, instead of actually writing my own entries. Which is sad, really, because yesterday I joined the circus, this morning I won the lottery, and tomorrow I'm getting married to the dog-faced boy, so let me tell you, things around here are really getting interesting for once. Especially since the fat lady had that litter of two-headed kittens.

Um, sleepy now?

1. If you had to choose an alias, what would it be?
Jennifer Aniston, but only if I get the life, the bank account, the body, and the husband that go with it.

2. Where were you on 9/11?
Geographically, my aunt's house in Raleigh. Mentally, on the right hand of absolutely freaking nuts. (Her house lies right under the flight path of the Raleigh-Durham airport, the perfect place to be when planes are falling out of the sky. Except for, you know, New York and Washington and western Pennsylvania.)

3. What is your ideal vacation?
Sunny, breezy beach? Check. Strawberry daquiri? Check. My Powerball winnings sitting in a big pile next to my chair? Double check.

Hey. Hey, what's that? Is that ... yes, yes, it's Viggo Mortensen, and ... hmm. He seems to have lost his towel. I think I'll go help him look for it. Or perhaps, cover him up by leaping at him and wrapping my legs around his waist.

Mmmmm. Insanity, you are my most beloved friend ever.

4. How many first cousins do you have?
Ten altogether.

5. How do you take your pizza?
Orally. (Seriously, with mushrooms. Lots and loooooooots of mushrooms.

6. If you could be fluent in any foreign language (that you are not already) what would it be?
Gaelic, Esperanto, and whatever alien language it is that Ozzy's speaking.

7. What is your favorite website?
Ogrish.com. Yes, I'm gross and disturbing. Corpses, lovely corpses ... *user prances off to sing lalalala songs like the innocent little thing everybody thinks she is ...*

8. If you could experience another era of history, which would it be?
The Old West would probably be cool. You know, as long as no one shot me or gave me consumption or ate me after we got stranded in the Sierra Nevadas.

9. What is your favorite genre of movies?
Anything Britney Spears isn't starring in and Rob Zombie isn't directing.

10. If you could have any one superpower, what would it be?
Teleportation and the ability to put up with most reality TV shows.

11. Can you whistle?
Sure. I make a really impressive one when the wind blows through my ears. And just think of the breeze the hamster gets! Not like he needs it, the lazy bastard.

12. If you could be any animal for a day, what would it be?
The Muppet.

13. Who is your favorite fictional character?
George W. Bush.

14. Star Wars or Star Trek?
Star Search.

15. What is your favorite beverage?
Human blood. Oh, wait, you meant on days when I'm not sacrificing the innocent to my dark overlord, right? Okay, then I'd have to go with Smirnoff Ice.

16. What brand of toothpaste do you use?
Elmer's.

17. What is your favorite professional sports team?
The Chudley Cannons. (And amazingly enough, no, I'm not just saying that because the day after tomorrow is Saturday. Utopia will be reached as soon as someone figures out how to get broomsticks to fly and I can get my sorry ass into a Chaser's position somewhere.)

18. Are you "indoorsy" or "outdoorsy"?
Indoorsy, unless the house is on fire.

19. What is your earliest childhood memory?
Birth.

Uh, no, wait. Brownies. My first meal of nice, tasty brownies.

I always get those two confused.

20. If you could play any musical instrument, what would it be?
Mark McGrath. (No, wait, that's my answer for "If you could play with any musical tool ..." So I guess I'll have to go with the accordion. I've been told all of the really kick-ass people play the accordion.)

21. What's your favorite accent?
The one in the word "cliche."

22. When you were little, what did you want to be when you grew up?
Taller. (I didn't ask for much. And, coincidentally, didn't get it, either.)

23. Are you a dog person or a cat person?
No, I'm a person person. Jo-Jo is a dog person. The creepy rich lady who got all the plastic surgery is a cat person. Sheesh, what a silly question ...

24. If they were making a movie or TV show of your life, who would you choose to play you?
I don't know. Are any of the Munchkins still alive?

25. What is your favorite element (earth, fire, water or air)?
Fire. Mmmmmmm ... fire pretty.

26. If you could compete in any event in the Olympics (summer or winter) what would it be?
Why? Are they going to be getting competitive novel writing like in that Monty Python sketch?

27. What is your favorite Sunday comic strip?
In the past few months, the front page.

28. What kind of music do you listen to?
Anything not sung by an American Idol competitor. (Except for Ruben, who's cuddly-wuddly like a chubby little chocolate lab puppy. And except for Justin, who has better hair than me. And except for Kelly, who's funny to listen to just to hear my brother talk about how much he'd like to "do" her. And except for Clay, who I would have started handing over firstborn children to see throw down his "geek-to-chic" haircut and bum-rush Simon. Broadway, my ass. Bitch, hang onto your accent, you're going down.

So okay, maybe that wasn't the best answer in the world ...)

29. What is your favorite breakfast cereal?
Fruity Pebbles. (Which are only good if you eat them within fifteen seconds of the milk hitting their tasty colors-not-found-in-nature goodness.)

30. What is your worst habit?
Breathing.