You know that pilot in the second "Airplane!" movie that fell to pieces? Literally?

[apocalypsos]

That would be my mom.

Mom: "Are you working tonight?"
Me: "Yeah, why?"
Mom: "Oh, then I guess you can't hang out with your brother tomorrow."
Me: "What, at the movies?"
Mom: "No, at the hospital for five hours while I have the blood vessels on the side of my head biopsied."

See, there's a reason why I never freak out about this stuff -- because we have conversations like this every time she gets sick. (See: "Hey, guess what? I have skin cancer!" in quite possibly the most cheerful tone of voice my mother's got.) I'd worry, and God knows I have good reason since her side of the family craps out medically all the damn time while my dad's side clings to good health like leeches, but ... well, look at the conversations I have with this woman over her health. Seriously, most of the time I'm too busy wanting to throttle her.

In retaliation, I cracked and told her she might be a great-grandmother in three months. Her main reaction was, "Well, aren't they supposed to not like each other if they're different sexes?" Which, well, if that were the case then I wouldn't be waiting for baby chinchillas to possibly pop out.

In news less likely to make me commit matricide in annoyance, note to self -- if you ever get some fucked-up idea that you are fat, you are the same size as Katie Heigl. So shut up, dumbass.

EDIT: Yesterday was Ash Wednesday and I completely forgot. Well, this weekend I'll just have to celebrate the way I have since I gave up Catholicism -- drink booze, eat candy, watch porn, and have myself a roast beef sandwich.

Comments

[missmonkeydust.livejournal.com]

Lol, I'm gonna look at that post whenever I feel fat just so I can go, 'you are the same size as Catherine Zeta-Jones' Makes me feel better!

[phillyexpat.livejournal.com]

A six is tiny.

[sweill.livejournal.com]

OMG, that convo sounds a little too familiar. (I'ma post mine on my LJ so's not to spam you.)

And who do I have to kill putting that stupid 'fat idea' in your head?

AND- LOL, have some CHOCOLATE this weekend, too. A friend who converted to Judaism jokes she gave up Catholicism for Lent the year she converted. =]

[apocalypsos.livejournal.com]

Oh, most of the time I'm like, "Dude, I'm a Munchkin," but every once in a while I see some stick figure at a nightclub and get all self-conscious. Thanks, advertising companies!

Heh. Last night at work I had this conversation with someone:

Co-worker: "Oh, man, now I can't have meat on Fridays!"
Me: "Yes, and on Saturdays you have to eat your weight in butter, and on Sundays you have to wear a tutu all day long, and on Mondays you have to play with monkeys ..."

*snickers* Ah, the joys of giving up traditions I hate. :)

[sweill.livejournal.com]

Munchkin! Hee!

I was at a club in S FL a few months ago and, after looking around, I said to a friend "I'm not nearly, young, hip, thin or naked enough to be here." =P

You need to come to the dark side. We have holidays where you eat like crazy and others where are COMMANDED to get shit-faced! (Purim, coming soon!!!)

[marag.livejournal.com]

::giggle:: I just love telling people about how you're *supposed* to get drunk on Pesach! Nobody ever believes me :)

It's good to be the Jews, ya know?

[sweill.livejournal.com]

Hee.
Yep. Party Tribe. That's us. =]

[marag.livejournal.com]

::snerk:: I said on Pesach. I meant on Purim, of course. ::sigh:: It's been a day!

[buffyaddict13.livejournal.com]

ack!

i hope your mom's okay!

*hugs*

[sweill.livejournal.com]

What she said!
:::thumps self on head:::
Good vibes to Mom.

[http://users.livejournal.com/_inbetween_/]

I hope it all goes well. She might be infuriating, but she still comes across as remarkable.


And Kathrin Heigl is gorgeous (also has a scarily tiny waist.

[squee1123.livejournal.com]

im very much in love with Katie Heigl. (and hey, why arent there more Kaite/JDM fics floating around? have i just missed them)

[laurelin-kit.livejournal.com]

I'm the same size as J-Lo and Katherine Heigl. Being a six has never bothered me, thanks to the Sweet Valley books and Liz and Jess's "perfect size-six bodies." Hey, I accomplished that.

I can't believe Christina Aguilera is that tiny. And what are they talking about, Eva Longoria is curvy. She is so not curvy.

[laurelin-kit.livejournal.com]

YOUR TRICK FOR OPENING DVDS TOTALLY WORKS. I've been trying it on all of them that I get but haven't found a sharp enough corner and WHEE IT WORKS.

(Yeah, most pointless comment ever.)

[stormyskies.livejournal.com]

No-no, eat the beef on Friday. That way it's extra sinful.

[iseult-variante.livejournal.com]

Heh - I have plans this weekend for belated pancakes. Mmm.

(good vibes to your Mom!)

[pushingyouaway.livejournal.com]

Yesterday was Ash Wednesday and I completely forgot. Well, this weekend I'll just have to celebrate the way I have since I gave up Catholicism -- drink booze, eat candy, watch porn, and have myself a roast beef sandwich.

you're my hero!

*gives you cookies*

[faithzan6el.livejournal.com]

Well, this weekend I'll just have to celebrate the way I have since I gave up Catholicism -- drink booze, eat candy, watch porn, and have myself a roast beef sandwich.

I laughed so hard coffee came out of my nose. Not kidding.

And thanks for the celebrity sizes link.
I'm right between Mischa Barton & Katherine Heigl, and damn does that make me feel good!