I'm buzzed and ... reading? Yeah, that makes sense.

[apocalypsos]

Two cherry limeades and I picked up the copy of "Dead and Dateless" I bought at the grocery store the other day.

I don't know why I did, though.

Nothing against the book, really -- I mean, it's fun enough where I'm going to finish reading it even taking into consideration what I don't like about it -- but I think I need to start avoiding books with female characters whose main character trait seems to be an addiction to shoes, clothes and/or makeup. Like, to the point where brand names are being dropped so often I expect someone to literally stop in the middle of the action and pick one up in the course of the plot.

I know I sound like I should be one to speak, considering how much time I spend obsessing over Project Runway, but that's always been more of a watching-the-creative-process-at-work kind of a thing, not to mention the fact that I do know how to sew (you know, given a pattern and a machine, hence why Real Men Don't Make Cheesecake required no real research other than a quick look at the back of a pattern envelope for measurements) so I understand most of what they're talking about. I mean, I pick up Wet and Wild makeup because it's the cheapest and the hypoallergenic stuff if I can afford it, which I usually can't. I consider shopping at Target for clothes splurging on the good stuff. The only shoes I can really say that I currently obsess over are my black hooker boots with the three-inch heels I got at Walmart and the sequined kids'-size clogs and black ballerina slippers I got at Target that'll have to wait for warmer weather before I can wear them, and all of those cost about fifty bucks COMBINED.

I just have a really, really hard time liking a female character who spends an entire book worried about the condition of her shoes and clothes, usually when people are trying to kill her. It's not even some big feminism issue, although God knows I have moments where I want to throttle said characters, because I can accept a little airheadedness in something that's sort of meant to be literary candy. But I don't know ... I can't really sympathize with someone complaining about their shoes when they're being chased by the police or some supernatural creature trying to eat them or something. Comes with having a lot of clothes picked up at the Salvation Army because I ruin so many of them at work, maybe.

Maybe that's why the main character in the Books of Boggs is male. Hmm.

(I really do have to do a series centered around a female character. I did have the first novel of one written a while ago, although the rewrites involved in making it presentable to ... you know, people, would be MASSIVE.)

EDIT: You know when I know I like a female character? When she either bolts in a pair of three-inch heels and can run in them without breaking an ankle or says, "Fuck this," and either snaps the damn heels off or hides and takes the shoes off. Or if they're stiletto heels and she uses them as weapons. Or pretty much anything that doesn't result in, "Oh, my poor Manolo Blahniks! *cries*"

SON OF EDIT: On the plus side, I've always got Jim Carrey doing David Caruso's scene-enders on CSI Miami to make me happy.

BRIDE OF EDIT: I'm three cherry limeades down and I plan on staying up until at least seven o'clock in the morning so that I can call work and ask if I have overtime tonight. Which I probably don't. And I don't plan to stop drinking after this one. Woo for drunk-dialing work! (Or not. I'm sure I'll somewhat sober by then. Heh.)

PIZZA DELIVERY GUY OF EDIT: I continue to be amused that I'm still able to type correctly while drunk. Okay, mostly correct. I know enough to fix it, don't I?

Comments

[faithzan6el.livejournal.com]

...black hooker boots with the three-inch heels I got at Walmart
I've got the same pair, and manage to find them again each year when mine start to fall apart ;)

You know when I know I like a female character? When she either bolts in a pair of three-inch heels and can run in them without breaking an ankle or says, "Fuck this," and either snaps the damn heels off or hides and takes the shoes off.
Hell yeah! That's my kind of girl.

Btw, you're even more hilarious, adorable, and witty when you're drinking. It made a great read ;)

[notrafficlights.livejournal.com]

OMG CAREY MULLET OF DOOM WILL DEVOUR US ALL

[purple-smurf.livejournal.com]

Posting to LJ when drunk is fun -- but there is no excuse for the horrible typing and spelling prevalent in most "drunk posts". There's always spell-check, and if you feel like posting you should fix your typos.

I have little patience with SMS-typing, too. Sometimes I get prejudiced over the stupidest things.

[tigriswolf]

You're funny.

[star-dancer54.livejournal.com]

Hmm... now that you mention it, that could be one of the reasons that I loathe the Undead and... series - the main character has a shoe fetish, this guy whose willing to do just about anything for her, and, hell, a people to rule, but she hates both of the last. wtf? Whereas for some reason, my sister adores 'em. O.o

[apocalypsos.livejournal.com]

Oh, God, I wore out on those by the second book. If she isn't shrieking about the condition of her shoes she's whining about getting to be freakin' royalty. (Granted, it's Queen of the vampires, but come ON, lady.)

I knew I'd made a good choice not to read any more when I caught the short story in one romance collection set in the same 'verse where the main characters go to see her and she spent the entire scene bitching and treating Sinclair like crap.

[star-dancer54.livejournal.com]

*nods* Agreed. Especially since the last book I read had what was definately, without a doubt, a fucking Mary Sue. Not even a GOOD one, either. *scowls darkly in rememberance*

Personally, I'd have preferred to follow that character from the short story, if it's the one I'm thinking it is...

[apocalypsos.livejournal.com]

Oh, wait, which one was the Mary Sue? Because if it's the character I'm thinking of, OMGYES.

[star-dancer54.livejournal.com]

Her little sister? Who was apparently the daughter of Satan, that used her powers for good? *grimaces*

[apocalypsos.livejournal.com]

Yes. I can't remember where it was that I started thinking "Ack! Mary Sue!", but I think it was the first time she freaked and went all demonic. For some reason I was like, "Oh, give me a break."

You know what else always bothered me about those books? She'd spend so much time expounding about the beautiful designer shoes Elizabeth owned and put her in these ridiculously ugly clothes. It was kind of like the equivalent of the way Laurell K. Hamilton dresses Anita Blake in black jeans and a fanny pack (oh, my God, woman, have you left the house since 1986?!) with the added crime of at least one part of the outfit being salvageable and therefore being absolutely criminal.

And don't even get me started on the best friend who's worth billions and dresses like a bag lady. I kept reading about these horrible outfits she'd put Jessica in and think, "Is this like when bridemaids wear ugly dresses to make the bride look better?"

[star-dancer54.livejournal.com]

*nodnod* That's when I just gave up totally. It just wasn't worth the effort, at all.

Eh, I tend to not follow fashion at all, if I can help it (unless I'm looking for a good dress to pop one of the boys into for a fic, or the like). As for fannypacks... >.> My auntie has one, and uses it all the time. *le shrug* Though I will say that Anita's taste gets changed later on in the series...

*facepalms* I don't read stories for fashion, really now. I read for the violence, the mystery, and stuff like that, lol >.>

[apocalypsos.livejournal.com]

I think the only reason the fashion in the Undead and ... series gets to me is that if you're going to make such a big deal about the damn designer shoes putting the characters in ugly clothes is a misstep.

Though I will say that Anita's taste gets changed later on in the series...

Heh. I would have had to make it that far to find that out. That's another one that lost me a while ago.

I think my problem with the way Anita dressed in the early book is less that she's unfashionable -- hell, she's not the kind of person who would care anyway -- and more that the descriptions of her hair and clothes made me wonder why the hell two incredibly hot men would be so hard up for her. Not that I expect them to go after her solely for her looks, but her personality didn't exactly make me buy it either. (For some reason, the big thing that pissed me off was that at least once a book in the middle of all of her angsting about Richard and Jean-Claude Anita would make some throwaway comment about how she's probably going to die by the time she's thirty anyway. Oh, my God, woman, then why are you complaining about two guys going after you?! Fuck 'em both!)

[star-dancer54.livejournal.com]

Okay, I can understand why that'd make someone rabid >.> Just for the simple fact that it doesn't MATCH (prettiness-wise)... *shakes head*

Eh, it's not always about the hair or clothes (or even personality) that drives males to fixate on certain females. She's very curvy, lol. And also stubborn as hell. Sometimes those're attractive. As for her dying comments, usually I sort of zone out on that part... *le shrug* I will say, though, that the middle books were really good, imo. However, the last few books? Have her as basically more a slut than anything else and really, if I want sluts, I have fanfic for that. 'Sides, Dean/Jen and Sam/Jared are prettier, lol :D

[apocalypsos.livejournal.com]

I just ... I couldn't figure out why she was so attractive to anyone to save my life, which made reading the Continued Adventures of Anita Blake's Nether Regions (Now Open Free to the Public!) a little painful after a while. I liked her well enough when she wasn't in some sort of romantic entanglement, though, and then it became bad soft-core porn and it wasn't even worth it.

Heh. I agree, though ... I'd much rather read about Sam and Dean and Jared and Jensen anyway. :)

[star-dancer54.livejournal.com]

*nods emphatically* My only problem is that I'm both stupidly optimistic and insanely obsessive when it comes to books, so I've got to read the latest, whether I like 'em or not. I keep hoping that something good's going to come out of all the crap >.> Also, my fave book? Had to have been Obsidian Butterfly. *nods wisely* I adore Edward :D Even when he's trying to kill Anita.

[apocalypsos.livejournal.com]

I get the impression a lot of people stick with the books just for Edward. Which, you know, I don't blame them for at ALL. :)

I forget to mention that for some reason I picked up MaryJanice Davidson's latest book she wrote with her husband about the girl who turns into a dragon, featuring the fourteen-year-old who speaks like no fourteen-year-old I've ever met in my life and not much like any adult I've ever met, either. If you're going to write an adolescent girl, then for crying out loud try meeting one first.

[star-dancer54.livejournal.com]

lol Yeah, Edward is definatly one of my reasons for sticking with it. Along with dear, fucked up Nathaniel and snarky Jason. *le shrug*

Ewwwww *grimaces* No thank you. Not at all my thing, thanks muchly. *facepalms*

[astrothsknot.livejournal.com]

My mother programmed a video once in the days before you had nice little codes to dial in. She was in Scots parlance "steaming" and the programme taped.

None of us could beleive it. To this day my father cannot set a timer.

I hate they way characters are treated in fiction. men have been pussied to pointlessness, totally incompetant morons who shouldn't be let out on their own, to show female characters as competant and fiesty - which just makes them appear as power-crazed bitches.

Or you get the opposite - vapid idiots who we can't beleive are still alive, not for the want of trying - or evil bstards.

The best characters I've seen lately are in The Shield and Dexter. I've got a real sense of those characters as people first, gender second.

I think that's one of the reasons I love SPN. After the varibles of the first 8 eps of S1, they pulled it together and wrote people, not gender.

[catystorm.livejournal.com]

And that was primarily the reason in my occasionally-poked-everyone-has-one fantasy epic the main character is female, but she's an athlete and doesn't give three shits about her clothing by the third chapter.

[hawklaw.livejournal.com]

That Jim Carrey video made me happy in my happy place. My crush on him may be well renewed.

And Wordy McWordalot on the female characters. A tough girl, or one who becomes so over the course of the book? Fine. But just one petulant and non-ironic "Hey! You shot a hole in my Chanel jacket" and I'm out of there.

[fyrdrakken]

I'm now having a happy memory of Kendra in s2 BtVS complaining, "That was my favorite jacket!... That was my only jacket!" Which at least made it a smidgen more understandable.

But, yeah. I get that some clothing items or accessories you are that attached to -- because it was a gift from your late mother, because you've never worn a whatever that fits you so well and the clothing line isn't being sold anymore so you're hanging onto the ones you've got, because the jacket has five pockets and if you're wearing it you don't need a damned purse, because you (I) bought those boots in London the week of my birthday and then broke them in hiking across Paris, whatever. But it's no good if the reasons for being attached to a particular item are solely because it was a designer label or it's the latest style.

[wer-bin-ich.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much for that Jim Carrey video. I nearly lost my shit laughing.

[avariel-wings.livejournal.com]

That video is fabulous.

[budclare.livejournal.com]

*prefers characters who wear sensible shoes to begin with*

[apocalypsos.livejournal.com]

Ain't that the truth. Although if they're in a position where they have to wear dress shoes I like them a lot better if their first instincts are not to bitch and moan about ruining them.

[budclare.livejournal.com]

Back when The Relic first came out, one of the things that made me adore the movie was that What's-her-name's reaction to the horrific death of her friend was to take her heels off. :)

[azurelunatic]

I think the proper time to go "ack!" over the condition of shoes in relation to fighting zombies is after all the action is over, looking at the multiple rips and bloodstains on the things, and cussing extensively because it was bloody hard to find those boots at that price (that is, the thrift store they were found in is unlikely to get more, and the original brand label was worn off so there's no telling what they were) and nothing short of a custom job is likely to fit that well or be that comfortable.

Because, you know, a shoe that looks nice enough to wear in the higher end of the work world and manages not to kill the feet? That's a pretty hard combination to find at size nine.

[azurelunatic]

...and to be clearer, it should be written to make it apparent that the whining about the shoes is not just about the shoes, it's about the first moderately inconvenient thing to whine about, instead of going "oh fuck ZOMBIES" and totally falling apart. Shoes can be replaced. Zombies are a little bigger.

[teenygozer.livejournal.com]

Hmmmm... I loved the Jim Carrey impression, it was spot-on and very funny. He started out as a hungry, young stand-up impressionist at the comedy clubs, it's nice seeing him go back to it. But what interested me most about that youtube clip was that CBS had posted it! I expected it to be someone who was a fan, but it was CBS. I didn't realize the networks had begun posting clips to youtube, just like, well, any one of us might do.

[fyrdrakken]

It's part of the whole thing I like to blame on Bridget Jones and Sex in the City -- the anti-feminist trend to make female characters who are superficially assertive and competent and role-model-worthy and successful in their careers, and yet to make being pretty and finding Mr. Right (or other variants of stereotypically girly pursuits, as with the shopping you specifically refer to) be either their main interests or else a subplot driving the whole story. Reinforcing the idea that whatever else a woman wants to do is going to have to be juggled with maintaining the maximum possible desirability and seeking or keeping the best guy she can attract.