What I think every time I hear "Before He Cheats" ...

[apocalypsos]

Dear Carrie Underwood,

I was really angry that you trashed my car until I saw that you carved your name into my leather seats. Thanks! I'm sure the police will be grateful you made their job that much easier when they go to your house to arrest you.

Sincerely,

Your ex-boyfriend

P.S. Enjoy anger management classes!

*****

After talking with Jess last night I realized that over the past year or so I've been asked out by four different guys (not counting the blind date) and three of them were drunken co-workers I wouldn't want to date even if they were sober. So here are my options, as far as I can see:

1. I am so awesome that guys feel they need to drink to prepare themselves.
2. I am so obviously going to say no to a date that guys feel the need to drink to prepare themselves.
3. I am only attractive to unattractive drunks.

And I really don't have the cojones to believe it's that first one.

*****

There was a HUGE turkey in the road when I was driving home. He walked out of the way of my car and then walked back to where he was when I drove past. Now, the turkey ... HE'S awesome. :)

Comments

[notrafficlights.livejournal.com]

Maybe it's 4. Guys are so scared of you they need dutch courage?

[astaria51.livejournal.com]

CLEARLY number one.

[jira-rd.livejournal.com]

Perhaps you should take the turkey and throw it at the drunken men who ask you out?

[lilacsigil.livejournal.com]

4. Like me, you live in an area full of the type of person whose sole idea of fun is getting really drunk, and maybe driving really fast, while drunk.

[kurukami.livejournal.com]

*shrug* I'd ask you out if we lived anywhere near each other. Take that as you will.

[loopychew.livejournal.com]

Remember, to your brother's friends, you're the hot sister. :-) I doubt you're only attractive to the drunk ones.

Off everything you write about your daily life, I'd go for number 1, although lilac's suggestion is also definitely a possibility.

[squee1123.livejournal.com]

you know i never really got that part of the song, either. its still catchy as fuck-all, though.

[katbcoll.livejournal.com]

Well, since you won't believe 1 and 3 is complete bullshit, it's gotta be 2.

That turkey is proof that they aren't god's dumbest animals. Hell, most people wouldn't have been smart enough to get out of the way.

[smallship1.livejournal.com]

For "awesome" (though you clearly are) read "daunting." Many guys are easily daunted by a woman with brains and honesty.

or...

5. they've read your LJ, formed a completely misleading impression from that about how much and how often you drink, and decide to get a head start (because, you know, they can hold their liquor better than any woman...yeah, right).

[leiascully.livejournal.com]

It's definitely the first one!

[septembergrrl.livejournal.com]

I always think the same thing about that Carrie Underwood song. The Louisville Slugger and punching a hole in the tires are fine, deserved even (kidding), but carving your name? Unless she really loves the idea of a night in jail, the woman in the song should just write "fuck you" and call it good.

[tenebris.livejournal.com]

you know, I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks about that when I hear that song. 'Cuz as much as I like it--woman, ya just pulled a stunt as stupid as his. You should've carved someone else's name into those leather seats!

[random-serious.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I hear Underwood always was a nasty bitca, and not in a good way, and this whole Idol thing has only made her worse.

[sxyblkmn.livejournal.com]

LoL, yeah, i think the same thing when i hear that song on the radio

[gentleman-lech.livejournal.com]

Well it sure as hell ain't number 3. That's just crazy talk (and not crazy in a good way, either).

And you're right; that is one awesome turkey.

[astrothsknot.livejournal.com]

Ask the turkey out

[closs.livejournal.com]

I totally agree, but then they'd never play her song on the country stations and she'd lose half her audience.