I may not be able to kick your ass, but I can gnaw the crap out of your ankles.

[apocalypsos]

Seen on the morning news, in regard to one reporter doing a story later in the broadcast on Star Wars or Star Trek stamps coming out today:

Weatherman: "I'll bet he (the reporter) is really into Star Wars or Star Trek or whatever."
Anchorman: "I thought they were both the same."
Weatherman: "Who cares? Those guys don't have girlfriends anyway."

I'm sure the guy who lives beneath me is probably wondering why I yelped, "What the FUCK does that have to do with the story?!" at six in the morning.

****

Also, at work the other day (and to note, Jess is an avowed vegetarian who can't even watch meat cook on a grill):

Co-worker: "I have to watch 300 all night long." (to Jess) "You would like that movie."
Jess: "Is it violent?"
Co-worker: "Well, kinda ..."
Jess: "I won't watch it."
Co-worker: "You have to give it a chance."
Me: "Dude, trust me. She won't like it."
Jess: "I won't watch violence."
Me: "Yeah, she -- wait, how do you watch Supernatural every week? You can't distract yourself by staring at Jared's ass for an entire hour."
Jess: *stares*
Me: "... you know what? Forget I just said that."

And a few minutes later, after the co-worker in question mentions watching 300 again:

Me: "Ah, good old Frank 'Whores, Whores, Whores' Miller."
Co-worker: "What's that supposed to mean?"
Me: "That he can't write a decent female character to save his life."
Co-worker: "He has female characters in his stuff."
Me: "There's a big difference between having them and having them not suck."
Co-worker: "Oh, come on. Sin City had lots of good female characters."
Me: "Oh, really? Name one I could identify with."
Co-worker: "... Miho?"

Is it supposed to be a compliment that he thinks I share the most in common with a mute assassin?