Fuck this, I'm drinkin'.

[apocalypsos]

My last half hour went a little something like this:

Compaq Tech Support: Hi! What's the problem?
Me: Well, I turn my laptop on, and then it beeps twice, and then ... nothing.
Compaq Tech Support: Oh, that's too bad. That means your computer died. And then exploded. And is possibly full of fire ants. And oh, look, your warranty's expired! *click*
Me: ... ooo-kay. *calls about two-year service plan I bought with my laptop*
Operator: Hi!
Me: Hi! My computer died, and blew up, and is possibly full of fire ants. But I don't have any of my paperwork 'cause I'm a tool.
Operator: Okay! Do you know when you bought it?
Me: My blog says July 27th. (Which ... heh.)
Operator: Oh, then you should still be under warranty!
Me: ...
Operator: Let me check with Compaq again, 'kay? *click*
Me: ...
Automated Message: HI! HOW'D YOU LIKE THEM FIRE ANTS?! MWAHAHAHAHA!
Me: *sigh*

You know how happy I am right now that I'm a paranoid fuckwit who invested five bucks on a flash drive to store the Books of Boggs and all my other writings AND sent three different people my Bigbang, thereby saving the file to my email account?