It's called "midget tossing" because short people are easily thrown directly at the face.

[apocalypsos]

Dear asshat co-worker,

Okay, look, I've already shot you down multiple times now for the simple fact that you never seem to want to talk to me except to hit on me, and do so in a painfully obvious way that is less cute and more creepy. But tonight you pretty much guaranteed a permanent no out of me for several reasons:

1. No, everybody did not "leave me behind" during break. I am a grown fucking woman, goddamn it. If I want to sit at my table and read a magazine and eat my food from the Chinese order I got for everybody during break by myself, it's not because everybody wandered off on their own, for fuck's sake. It's because I want to be alone. If I didn't want to be left alone, I would get off my ass and go find other people. It's not like they're hiding. They're either out smoking or in the break room, idiot.

2. No, I do not want to talk to you right now. Was it confusing, the mouthful of shrimp and broccoli and the open Cosmo on the table in front of me? (Look, I had a reason for reading the magazine, all right? It's research for my NaNo novel, damn it.) What did you think, that eating my dinner and reading were just time-killers until someone, anyone showed up to talk to my lost lonely ass? You're lucky I didn't sarcastically say, "Oh, thank God you're here! I was so lonely," and then cling to you and cry. You know, if I could have kept a straight face through it all.

3. No, I do not want to write your life story. No, really. I'm perfectly capable of coming up with my own story ideas, thank you very much. And that's not even taking into consideration that I write science fiction, horror and fantasy, so unless you're secretly a werewolf or you've got superpowers you haven't told anyone about, I'm not interested. I'm sorry, did I say I'm not interested? I meant, GO AWAY.

4. Oh, you think I should sell my book? Maybe get an agent and contact a publisher? And then I could get published and make some money and get a new job? Oh, my God, why the hell didn't I think of that?! Getting someone to make copies of my novel and bind it together and sell it for legal tender in a place full of other bound copies of people's novels? BRILLIANT.

Wait, what am I talking about? Let's see ... I'm going to, I did, I have, I just might, and if I do I can guarantee I won't think of you when I do it all.

5. Consider yourself lucky. If you didn't stop talking down to me like I'm a poor naive woman who's not going to get anywhere without a man to tell her what to do, I was going to castrate you with my plastic fork.

Sincerely,

Me

*****

Of course, I spent the entire time thinking about what I usually think about in these situations, which is that inevitably when I complain about them later, someone always says, "Oh, maybe he was just trying to ask you out."

Have I ever mentioned how much I haaaaate that? Nobody ever says that like I'm free to express disinterest in dating the guy in question or being anywhere near him at all. Everybody always says that like I'm supposed to go, "Oh! Well, in that case, I'll just drop whatever it is I'm doing and focus completely on him with a smile on my face, regardless of the fact that the guy is a skeeve and has questionable hygiene and won't leave me alone when I'm reading and is dumber than a box of dead hamsters."

Maybe he just wanted to ask you out is a phrase that just grates across my nerves every time somebody says it. And people always say it like the guy's intentions are good. Maybe he's a creep. Maybe he's a sexist, racist, egotistical pig. Maybe he smacked around his last girlfriend. Maybe he hasn't brushed his teeth in weeks and starts fights with his co-workers.

Oh, but maybe he just wanted to ask me out!

You know what? I don't care if he wants to ask me out, ask me where I got my haircut, ask me why I'm sitting by my lonesome, or ask me if I'd like to see him juggle kittens. If I don't want to talk to him, look at him, or be within ten feet of him, I can firmly say that any request to date me is going to be answered with a solid, "Hell, no." And possibly with gunfire.

And I don't see why I have to be nice to a mean creepy fuckwit just because he intends to ask me my plans for Friday night. I'm going to be thirty this week, for fuck's sake. If some dicksmack I really hate wants to ask me who I'll be spending time with on Friday night, I reserve the right to look him straight in the eyes and say, "A bottle of vodka, a load of gay porn, and an empty space where you mistakenly think you're going to be."

... you know, sometimes I get the impression I'm not in a good mood these days. I wonder why.

Comments

[paradisacorbasi.livejournal.com]

Well spoken.

Society makes excuses for skeevy guys because girls should never turn down a man's interest.

[paradisacorbasi.livejournal.com]

For clarity's sake: society is under the mistaken and sadly outdated impression that girls should never turn down a man's interest.

[fyrdrakken]

Society is under the mistaken impression that women's goal in life should be attracting male attention and male approval. Period paragraph. Anything else she may do is just to while away her hours between interactions with men / pay for the girly wardrobe, trinkes and toiletries to help attract men / a form of sublimation for her sadly unfulfilled urges to glom onto some particular "special" man and tend to the needs and whims of him and the spawn he may deign to implant in her.

So clearly women should get their priorities straight. The fact that they're sitting around being single proves that they're in no position to be turning up their noses at any man who comes sniffy around, no matter how skeevy or undesirable he may be. Because clearly even a glue-sniffing abusive pervert is preferable to being single.

[elorie.livejournal.com]

I got that line in my graduate level Feminist Theory class, of all places, when I was complaining about people interrupting me whenever I'm out in public and obviously doing something. From one of the two guys in the class, of course.

[fools-game.livejournal.com]

I personally really like "I think he liked you!" Because wow, I'm pretty sure he couldn't pick me out of a crowd. My tits, he liked. Me, he never looked at.

[realpestilence.livejournal.com]

HALLELUJAH!!!

[raisedbymoogles.livejournal.com]

*grabs cardstock and a Sharpie* *scribbascribba*

*five minutes later, hands you a sign that says "If I Want Dick, I'll Write Me Some. And It Will Be Bigger Than Yours."*

[robyn-ma.livejournal.com]

'You're lucky I didn't sarcastically say, "Oh, thank God you're here! I was so lonely," and then cling to you and cry.'

That might not be a bad gambit. Without the sarcasm. And then start burbling on about marriage and picking out furniture together and what color the baby's room is going to be.

He will never, ever bother you again after that.

[cissa.livejournal.com]

Hee! Brilliant!

For some reason men tend to assume that if a man is not occupying a woman's attention, that means she is free to attend to HIM. Gods, is that annoying.

[vily.livejournal.com]

Preach it, sister! My appearance in public does not invite your interest. My appearance in public means no one will pay me to sit at home and read books.

[astrothsknot.livejournal.com]

Madam, that should be on a t-shirt

[vily.livejournal.com]

I would buy one.

I would also buy one of what your icon is selling.

[angry-geologist.livejournal.com]

God, I wish I could have said that to my parents after the Library Guy incident! That's exactly how I feel! Just because a woman is out in public doing something doesn't mean she has to drop everything just because a man wants to "talk" to her- or ogle her boobs. At least, that's the way it should be.

[honorh.livejournal.com]

That's a gorgeous rant, that is. I had a co-worker who used to ask me out. It's not that he was bad-looking or unintelligent or had bad hygiene--on the contrary, under other circumstances, I might've thought he was kinda hot--but he was so damned annoying that I couldn't imagine spending my time off with him. So I'd turn him down, whereupon he would ask why I wouldn't go out with him.

Why do guys do this? What did he want to hear? "Oh, gee, I guess I don't have a reason. Let's go out!"

Or did he really want to hear me say, "Because I can't imagine spending an entire evening in your company without going insane and cutting your head off with a butter knife. Talking to you makes me want to rip my ears off my head and flush them down the nearest toilet. And stop looking at my boobs!"

[scary-being-me.livejournal.com]

Maybe he was hoping you'd point out his mistakes so the next girl wouldn't say no?

LOL

[astrothsknot.livejournal.com]

There's not a single word in there that I disagree with.

Women aren't there to wait on guys noticing them and I hate that fact that we're meant to be polite and smiley even when we're saying no. (do I still have the right to say no?)

And then we're looked down for saying no!

And if we're polite about saying no, and they come away with the wrong impression, that's our fault, because we lead them on when they were being nice to us.

*hands you a bottle of vodka, then leaves you to drink it in peace*

[wiliqueen.livejournal.com]

Much sympathy on the aggravation that led to this post. That said, however? It is MADE ENTIRELY OF WIN.

[random-serious.livejournal.com]

Maybe he just wanted to ask you out is a phrase that just grates across my nerves every time somebody says it.

Don't I know it: It's implies that you have thrown away a precious, precious gift, and that you have wasted the (only) chance and an honor that is bestowed upon you; and that you have, in the process, insulted the godly man-creature who is being totally unfairly poorly treated by you. I hate it. Eeew.

[medie]

gah. I had a guy follow me from the grocery store once. (me walking, him in car) A friend tried the "Well, maybe he was a nice guy trying to ask you out". Oh yeah, nice guy. Precisely why, while he's doing his "hey you wanna go for a walk?" I'm picturing myself on the side of a milk carton. Yeahhhhh.

[scary-being-me.livejournal.com]

I never looked at the phrase "maybe he wanted to ask you out" like that before.

Of course, I'm looking at it from the other side of the fence.

I never viewed the phrase as meaning "you should drop everything and pay attention" but more of a "guys get brain damaged when trying to ask a woman out; so try not to hold it against him". It's an explanation of why he acted the way he did; it says nothing about how you should react to it.

There are no socially acceptable times to ask a woman out anymore. If she's out of the house; she's obviously doing something; and it's creepy to go door to door.

I was discussing dating with several of my female friends; and they told me that women date assholes because they have the balls to ask.

So, I put the question to you. When should a guy ask you out? I ask you this as a guy who really wants to understand. I'm not trying to be a dick or anything.

It's getting so you can't ask a woman out without her taking offense; no matter how, where, or when you do it.

[apocalypsos.livejournal.com]

The thing about the phrase is that nobody's ever said it to me about somebody nice who wanted to ask me out. Because really, the nice guys either ask you out or are obviously showing interest, and we can always turn them down nicely if we don't want to go out with them. (I did that last year with a friend of mine from work, he said, "Okay," and we've been buddies ever since. See? Not a problem.)

People always seem to say that about the jerk who creeps you out when he looks at you or the guy who only stares at your tits or the idiot who can't string two sentences together without making your teeth grind.

they told me that women date assholes because they have the balls to ask.

Not to be rude, but that's such a pile of crap. That's an extension of the "Maybe he just wanted to ask you out" attitude, where just because he asks, now not only do you have to pay attention to him even though he's a jerk, you also have to say yes even if he's an asshole. Some of us have a pretty easy time saying, "You're a dick and I wouldn't touch you with a ten-foot pole."

Personally, I want to know a guy long enough to know he's not a jerk (or gay, or married)), and I'd like to think a guy would like to know me long enough to know I'm not a raging crazy bitch. (Well, not an intolerable one, anyway. ;)) I don't like a guy who comes up to me just to ask me out. I want a guy to know me for more than five minutes before asking me out.

It's getting so you can't ask a woman out without her taking offense; no matter how, where, or when you do it.

Oh, that's so not true. There are women out there who are not nearly as picky as I am who are glad for attention, or don't mind being asked out in public, or whatever. It all depends on how you do it. If you do it the wrong way, women are going to make a face and run in the wrong direction.

[shadow-phoenix2.livejournal.com]

Hence why I like 'Pride and Prejudice' style social communication. There was a time, place, and proper set of words for practically every situation. ^_^
Personally I'd want to know someone quite well as a friend before being asked out, and I'd want them to ask me out in romantic way, not just "wanna go out sometime?" Ew. Should not happen. Ever.
But then I'm picky, a guy simply MUST be charming, a Victorian/Edwardian/Middle-Ages EEnglish literature nut, and be perfectly 'Mr. Darcy' like at all times! More than just a *little* hard to find nowdays... and so far they all seem to be gay. O_o
But then I've never been asked out, nor done the asking, so what would I know! =P

[fyrdrakken]

It definitely depends on the woman in question whether she's going to appreciate the compliment of having a random stranger ask her out or just be annoyed. Odds of a "yes" are going to go up if it is someone who actually knows you -- assuming you're a presentable individual who's getting an acceptable score on her personal rating system.

Mostly the rule of thumb I think is to make your approach in a way that makes the approachee's day brighter, rather than one that sends her away fuming. Pestering someone who's clearly visibly busy or rushing to get somewhere is going to go down a lot more badly than speaking to someone who's sitting there peoplewatching or walking down the street in no apparent hurry. And you have to be watching for the hint if she isn't keen on talking and tries to shut you down or send you off.

[tabaqui]

You go, because - exactly. Who gives a fuck if he's trying to 'ask you out'? Gah!

And i loathe being interrupted when i read. That always happened when i worked, until i perfected my Glare of Doom *tm*.

[jacinthsong.livejournal.com]

Oh god. YES. I cannot add anything except that I agree with all that and love this post a lot.

[fyrdrakken]

Also Peter Gabriel's "Kiss That Frog" came on my MP3 player and I was suddenly reminded of what that story says as a metaphor about love: How women need to take the most unappealing offers that come their way and treat the giver with love and kindness, and hope that their affection causes a magical transformation into exactly the kind of man they want. Because her initial assessment of character has to be distrusted at all costs if it's unfavorable to the individual in question -- they have to be given ample opportunity to prove that they can't be liked or trusted, over and over again, before she's "allowed" to give up on them and attempt to kick them out of her life.