Hey, guess what I did last night?

[apocalypsos]

I went to a porn store!

So, yeah. Last night Jess and I and a bunch of people from work were supposed to go bowling, except they didn't show. The only one who did was a girl we used to work with, and since none of us felt like bowling we decided to drive a cheaper bar Jess's dad hangs out in all the time and that we go to a lot. On the way there we passed one of the two porn shops that were on the way (both are the same store, really, they moved from one building to another and then I guess they just started using both buildings or something) and Jess said, "Hey, let's go to the porn shop!" So we did.

I've never been in one before, which seems weird to me at least because God knows it's not like my friends and family don't gleefully skip inside one given the chance. Every once in a while I'll drive past and think, "I should go in there one of these days," and then ... nothin'.

So I went, and there were many dildos larger than either one of my arms, and far too much discussion of who we should buy a blow-up doll for, and now I've got that off my list of things I've never done. (I believe I said last night, "Well, so far in 2008, I've started knitting and gone to a porn shop. Now all I had to do is get laid and sell a book and there'll be nothing left for me to do in life.")

****

Also, a guy at a bar offered to buy me a drink.

This is not unusual. I get hit on a lot, surprisingly enough. The reason I'm still a virgin, however, is because there are far too many instances in which, like last night, I am hit on by a guy who bears a striking resemblance to Kevin Federline in looks, demeanor, wardrobe, and facial expression. (Although I think Federline would at least have the balls to walk up to me and ask himself rather than send his squirrelly heavily-tattooed buddy in the trucker cap to do it for him, which is just sad.) I don't know why I appeal to a guy like that, especially considering they usually do it after I've pumped all of my dollar bills into the jukebox at whatever dark, smoky sports bar we've just gone to and proceeded to fill it with every Queen, Scissor Sisters, and Mika song I can find on there.

Is it the sexy nerd thing? Because I wasn't even wearing my glasses last night and practically rolled right out of bed and into my car last night.

I'd kill for just one of them to be cute, funny, able to speak in coherent sentences, and not so intimidated by all five-feet-two-inches of me to offer to buy me a drink themselves. (Possibility of me finding a guy like that in the Scranton-Wilkes-Barre metropolitan area? Slim to none. Okay, mostly none. JIM HALPERT IS A FUCKING MYTH, Y'ALL. *cries*)

So, in summation -- Internal Asshat Magnet? Still in working order. \o/

****

Did anybody notice the same thing I did? That the commercial for the SAG Awards, which used to quote the announcer onscreen when he talked about Hollywood "holding it's breath," has finally been edited to remove the damn apostrophe?

See, kids, this is what happens when writers strike. *snickers*

Comments

[trishalynn.livejournal.com]

(Possibility of me finding a guy like that in the Scranton-Wilkes-Barre metropolitan area? Slim to none. Okay, mostly none. JIM HALPERT IS A FUCKING MYTH, Y'ALL. *cries*)

Which is why you need to move to a place that has a higher percentage of cute, funny, able-to-speak-in-coherent-sentences guys, but is still within your current cost of living and can also allow you publishing possibilities.

Have you considered Austin, Texas? That's where I want to go next, if NYC doesn't pan out for me.

[apocalypsos.livejournal.com]

I'd consider any place at all other than here if I could afford to move, but I'm paycheck-to-paycheck and finding a new job around here that pays well is like ... well, finding an available appealing single guy. So unless I win the lottery ... urgh. *makes face*

[shadow-phoenix2.livejournal.com]

"cute, funny, able-to-speak-in-coherent-sentences guys."

I can find several of these, and actually a few with the most important quailty of all: they're CHARMING! Problem is, they're either gay, my father's age (basically 20+ years older than me, which is a just bit O_o [to everyone else, including them] when I'm around 18), or both.
I'm doomed too! *Hugs.* I sympathise.

My current interest is my manager. Yup. One of my bosses. *Head-desk.* He's funny, witty, utterly gorgeous and sexy, CHARMING, and basically totally adorable in every way.
And over 35. And my manager. And he worked with my dad at one point. He recently got a promotion - the job my dad left.
It's not fair!!! ='(
But he's not gay (as far as I know) which is an improvement for me! =P Damn those sexy witty charming gay men!

So, you went to a porn shop...

[thebitterguy]

But did you BUY anything?

Re: So, you went to a porn shop...

[apocalypsos.livejournal.com]

I had five bucks in my pocket and my ATM card was in the car, so nope. :)

This could be fun!

[seferin.livejournal.com]

Lets make an embarrassing list of things to ask/buy, and see their reaction! I'll front a few bucks for the sake of science. Anyone else interested?

[kalimai.livejournal.com]

See, kids, this is what happens when writers strike. *snickers*
How long did it air before they edited it?
one of them to be cute, funny, able to speak in coherent sentences
I can relate!! I seem to only get hit on by 40 something black guys that all remember me of my father which ewww!!! And I never met a guy around here that enjoys rock music, movies with a real plot , and books that don't involve a spy killing people and having wild sex all over the place!! So I decided a few years back that I'll think about getting laid when I'll live France!!

[apocalypsos.livejournal.com]

I noticed it running like that for at least a couple of weeks. I finally saw a good version this morning.

[fyrdrakken]

Years ago a coworker and I visited a porn store on our lunch break, which given our shift was at 10pm at night, but anyway. Mildly fun and I got a riding crop just to have purchased something, but anyway. (The real fun came a few years after that when Stepmother #2 and Dad were showing me a night on the town and we somehow wandered into an adult toystore and she made me buy a penis-shaped ice mold for her because she didn't want Dad to see her buying it. The fact that Stepmother #3 has a nude painting of herself up on the mantel behind the TV doesn't even bother me nowadays.)

[random-serious.livejournal.com]

(Although I think Federline would at least have the balls to walk up to me and ask himself rather than send his squirrelly heavily-tattooed buddy in the trucker cap to do it for him, which is just sad.)

It is. How is it that the people you really don't care for stuck to you/ come on to you like crazy?