This icon beat out the most obvious choice because HAAAAAATE.

[apocalypsos]

Per FW, Stephenie Meyer has posted Breaking Dawn FAQs to her website.

Now, on to the "how is this possible?" question. First of all, of course it's not possible. None of this story is possible. It's a fantasy story about creatures that don't actually exist. Within the context of the fantasy, however, this is how it works...

WORLDBUILDING FAIL.

GAH. *growls*

Comments

[handyhunter.livejournal.com]

She pretty much fails to answer the misogyny question too; she sort of just skirts around it by defining the term. She doesn't address all of Bella's BAD choices or how she writes the other women in the series (human, werewolf or vampire -- that old "anti-human" excuse is not working very well).

But it's just a FANTASY book, so it's okay, right?

[apocalypsos.livejournal.com]

Okay, I kind of want to punch her for this:

Well, I couldn't call her Jennifer or Ashley. What do you name the most unique baby in the world?

Yeah, that's right. We Jennifers are boring as fuck, yo.

[florahart]

Also, NO HUMAN NAME WOULD WORK!

Yes, of course.

This explains why the child is named Sarek. Or Yoda. Or F'nrglknf!th'oo.

Also? Yes, I notice Jo really struggled with the problem of her superunique special hero and his common name. The series totally woudl have worked a lot better if his name had been Soporific Vagina. *nods*

[contrariwise.livejournal.com]

No *human* name?? Renesmee is a classic, *textbook* example of a Utah name--the combining of two (usually parental but can be any two people) names to make a third, suckier name.

[handyhunter.livejournal.com]

Yeah. Just shaking my head here. How much more condescending can she get?

What do you name the most unique baby in the world?

Mary Sue, of course.

(PS. I think you've hooked me onto that German soap opera. Judith is pretty awesome.)

[apocalypsos.livejournal.com]

(PS. I think you've hooked me onto that German soap opera. Judith is pretty awesome.)

HEE! Awesome. I keep meaning to put a link to the playlist in my favorites because every time I use one of the icons where Christian and Olli are kissing in a comm, somebody goes, "Oh, who are those two hotties?" Oh, allow me to show you ... ;)

[handyhunter.livejournal.com]

Oh, yes. *hearts them both* I've watched the Ollie/Christian relationship develop backwards, as I follow it on youtube. :D

[killerweasel.livejournal.com]

Did you see this?

http://www.guardian.co.uk/books/2008/aug/31/leaked.book

[apocalypsos.livejournal.com]

Fans posted furious reactions to Meyer's decision on blogs and websites. One, calling herself Pholla, asked on the LA Times website: 'She stated that she knew who the person was who leaked the story. Why punish her entire fandom for one person's mistake?' Another, Amirah, wrote: ' Can someone please call, email, stalk her and tell her she must write Midnight Sun?'

Oh, Twilight fandom. Shine on, you completely fucking batshit pile of diamonds.

[lovedbythesun.livejournal.com]

It's as batshit as its beloved author. I can get being upset that the manuscript got leaked (but seriously, why the hell are you giving out copies, exactly?), but to be so petulant and passive agressive and so fucking public about it. Wow, lady. *slow claps*

[apocalypsos.livejournal.com]

It just continues to amaze me not that she gave RPattz and others from the movie copies of it, but that she HAD to. She wrote four freaking books in which his character is the love interest and RPattz needed more to go on? Boy, Bella obviously learned plenty about the love of her life, huh?

[lovedbythesun.livejournal.com]

Way to develop your character there, Ms. Meyer. *thumbs up*

And if she knows who leaked the damn thing, why hasn't a team of Little,Brown lawyers gone after this person? They made us sign a stupid waiver saying that we wouldn't so much as open the boxes before the release date. So... why no public crucifixion for the person who has effectively dried up their cash cow?

[denorios.livejournal.com]

The cynic in me wonders if this 'leak' was entirely accidental and whether she's not just using it as an excuse not to write the final book since the most recent one was so decidedly and deservedly panned by almost everyone. But that's being too cynical, right?

[deathbymutation.livejournal.com]

Ok, I use to like S.Meyer because of her ORIGINAL Twilight book but now? She can bite it. Whining, crying and overdoing the mary sue has me running back to J2 porny fiction with open arms.

I officially give up on my Sam/Edward movement.

[squee1123.livejournal.com]

If Breaking Dawn were ever made into a movie, it's hard to imagine it fitting into ninety minutes. The book is just so long! I can't imagine how to distill it—if I could, the book would be shorter. But maybe a screenwriter can see a way to do it and still cover the crucial plot points.

You kidding me? Harry Potter managed it all these years. And they've only JUST started to split the mvies into two. And I think thats for just the final book/movie.

Now, I haven't read BD but...aren't the HP books longer than the Twilight ones? (keep in mind, it's also been awhile since I've read any of the HP books) Aaaand I'm pretty sure that they've definitely got way more plot points that should have been covered but weren't.

Get over yourself, smeyer.

[ulkis.livejournal.com]

Now, I haven't read BD but...aren't the HP books longer than the Twilight ones?

Not only that, but nothing happens for about the first 540 pages, and even after that it's hard to say that anything too complicated plot-wise happens. A film version can easily cover the whole book in two hours.

[apocalypsos.livejournal.com]

Quite frankly, I think with the right screen writer they could have squeezed all four Twilight books into one movie. But then again, they're not MY baaaaaaabies. *eyeroll*

[ulkis.livejournal.com]

I skipped the middle two books, but if they both go the same way as Twilight and Breaking Dawn with nothing but talking about how great Bella/Edward are and then have someone chase them (complete with lots of "please-show-don't-tell" talk about how daaangerous their enemy is) in the last 100 pages, then I think they probably can be too. (I mean, does she think these things are the length of LotR?)

[writerrising.livejournal.com]

But if you noticed in the HP movies they cut a lot of the plot points out. The movies were pretty watered down versions of the books. A lot of authors feels like there would be too much to fit in a movie, unless they were writing for that medium.

Idk.

[ulkis.livejournal.com]

I agree, but in Harry Potter, there are soooo many characters with their own storylines and a huge amount of continuity to keep track. Breaking Dawn really is aaalll about Bella and Edward, and the stuff that took so long to write about in the book (the wedding, their honeymoon, Bella's never-ending illness during the pregnancy, then changing after giving birth, her first hunt) would be so much shorter filmed.

[beck-liz.livejournal.com]

*snort* The whole point of proper world-building, I THOUGHT, was to make stuff make sense in the context of that particular universe, at least. I mean, however poor he is as a storyteller otherwise, at least George Lucas has that down pat. Sheez.

[thebratqueen.livejournal.com]

OMG Fail fail SO MUCH FAIL, Stephanie please take a writing class and possibly a basic Bio class while you're at it too.

You know who she reminds me of? Sandra Lee, of Semi-Homeade fame. It's the same principle of acting like they know what they're doing while having no idea. And, sure, you can sell books like that. But it would be so much better if they had even half a clue.

[apocalypsos.livejournal.com]

She's just so snotty about it, you know? Like, "GOD, why do I have to deal with you idiots?!", but with no actual self-realization involved. HAAAAAAATE.

[thebratqueen.livejournal.com]

Exactly! Which is just like Sandra Lee. "Why do I have to bother learning how to cook? I cook for real people!" Well sure, but real people know there's an easier, cheaper, and better way to make petit fours than carving a couple of store-bought cheesecakes down into 6 bite-size pieces.

I loved the overall flow of the FAQ too. "As I JUST SAID above, blah blah blah" Like dude, you're the one writing it! We just got here! Why snap at us for asking the theoretical question you wrote in?

[apocalypsos.livejournal.com]

Now all I can picture is SMeyer saying the quote in my icon.

[thebratqueen.livejournal.com]

I also loved how her answers about feminism boiled down to "You can't take any meaning from this book because it's about vampires!!"

Though a fav. runner-up is her Clintonesque "It depends on what your definition of 'werewolf' is."

[apocalypsos.livejournal.com]

Oh, yes, and the rambling answer to the paternity question, which basically boils down to, "Only idiots give simple answers to simple questions." Or something.

[thebratqueen.livejournal.com]

My fav part about that was how it totally had this "Let me explain the writing process to you, you silly little thing!" Like maybe know the correct uses of its/it's before copping 'tude?

[apocalypsos.livejournal.com]

*snickers* Seriously, yo.

I kind of want to her to get cornered in a room by Nora Roberts and Diane Duane. Diane could be the good cop, and Nora could just smack her upside the head repeatedly.

[daenarys.livejournal.com]

So. Much. Hate!

I read her books, promptly thought 'I can build a better system of vampirism than that' and have just started writing. Because I said so is not an adequate world building device.

[azzinita.livejournal.com]

I thought about getting annoyed at this woman, then I read the FAQ and realized just how idiotic she sounds. And then I pointed and laughed.

I mean, sparkly greased-up vampires. That will never cease to be funny. Ever.

[apocalypsos.livejournal.com]

I loved how people asked her about how a vampire could have a baby with a human and she gave some bullshit answers with, "Well, I didn't study biology, teehee!"

LEARN, you vacuous twit.

[azzinita.livejournal.com]

So, if a vampire has 25 chromosomes (so they have Down's syndrome, WTF?) and a human has 23, then the baby has 24! Right?

Right?

How does one magically acquire chromosomes anyway?

[apocalypsos.livejournal.com]

I still don't get why she even tried to resort to biological explanations anyway when, "It's magic!" works just fine.

[azzinita.livejournal.com]

Well, where she fails there is the fact that she doesn't like to do research. If you're trying to inject logic into something, it miiiiight be a good idea to have some concrete facts to back it up. Saves us on a bunch of WTF-ery in the long run.

[apocalypsos.livejournal.com]

Yeah, there is that. *sigh*

Does your mental image of SMeyer look like mine anymore, with the back of one hand permanently attached to her forehead so she can more easily swoon?

[azzinita.livejournal.com]

Now I have a mental image of her decked out like Scarlett O'Hara typing away at a computer.

"Uh-oh, Mommy's got the wig on, we can't bother her..."