Compensating, are we?
Jun. 29th, 2003 06:09 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
apocalypsosSo I'm in the parking lot at Price Chopper walking back to my car this afternoon, wearing a strappy tank top and a very tight skirt. Times like this, I get noticed by guys, but since I'm notoriously oblivious anyway, it's not like I usually catch it.
Except today, with the doo-rag wearing idiot in the car next to mine.
See, here's the thing. This is a guy that, on a normal day, might actually be kind of hot. But first off, he's wearing sunglasses, which, while understandable on a sunny day, are not necessary when it's cloudy out. If you're too "cool" to notice that the world has visibly dimmed all around you, I worry. I worry hard.
Secondly, the doo rag. Dude, you live in North-Eastern Pennsylvania. In cow country. Country, being the operative word. Combined with the thoroughly obnoxious hard-core rap you're playing, I feel like I should inform you that a.) I can safely assure you there's no ghetto here, b.) you are not in a gang, and c.) just in case you haven't noticed, you're incredibly white to be listening to something you can't sing along to without the PC police jumping you and dragging you into a dark alley.
And thirdly, the car. What the hell makes you think that itty bitty, Matchbox-sized silver compensation makes you such a freaking chick magnet? Schmuck boy, you know it's bad when you're parked next to one of those giant plastic car/shopping carts Price Chopper has and I can't tell which is bigger.
Let me help you out with a little car math here. The smaller the fancy sports car, the smaller I think your dick is. No exceptions to the rule, save for the Hummer, so named so that idiots like yourself will actually think women will give them to you if you're driving a car that makes it look like you invaded Baghdad and then drove back to Pennsylvania.
Jeez ... stupid people suck. (Which, as was said previously, is what Hummer owners are hoping for.)
Except today, with the doo-rag wearing idiot in the car next to mine.
See, here's the thing. This is a guy that, on a normal day, might actually be kind of hot. But first off, he's wearing sunglasses, which, while understandable on a sunny day, are not necessary when it's cloudy out. If you're too "cool" to notice that the world has visibly dimmed all around you, I worry. I worry hard.
Secondly, the doo rag. Dude, you live in North-Eastern Pennsylvania. In cow country. Country, being the operative word. Combined with the thoroughly obnoxious hard-core rap you're playing, I feel like I should inform you that a.) I can safely assure you there's no ghetto here, b.) you are not in a gang, and c.) just in case you haven't noticed, you're incredibly white to be listening to something you can't sing along to without the PC police jumping you and dragging you into a dark alley.
And thirdly, the car. What the hell makes you think that itty bitty, Matchbox-sized silver compensation makes you such a freaking chick magnet? Schmuck boy, you know it's bad when you're parked next to one of those giant plastic car/shopping carts Price Chopper has and I can't tell which is bigger.
Let me help you out with a little car math here. The smaller the fancy sports car, the smaller I think your dick is. No exceptions to the rule, save for the Hummer, so named so that idiots like yourself will actually think women will give them to you if you're driving a car that makes it look like you invaded Baghdad and then drove back to Pennsylvania.
Jeez ... stupid people suck. (Which, as was said previously, is what Hummer owners are hoping for.)
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no subject
Date: 2003-06-29 07:49 pm (UTC)Gee, my saying is usually "The Bigger the Gun, the Smaller the Penis..."
My only problem with your logic is that it would mean that those who own those obnoxious SUV's and only use them to be able to see over other cars, keep their children safe while they drive like pinheads, and live in the middle of the city, have bigger dicks. And I just have a hard time believing that. *g*
And yes, I do know that some folks who have SUV's live in places where having one can be the difference between making it to work or not making it to work when weather is bad. I don't fault them. It's just the "Whee, I live in Boston, but look at my big old gas guzzling peice of machinery!" that pissed me off.
Re:
Date: 2003-06-30 05:22 am (UTC)No, those people just ARE bigger dicks. Around here, I can understand having them, but a lot of them have the same big-city mentality. You try explaining to them that driving around Interstate 81 like it's a go-kart course doesn't make you cool, it just means that the truckers start aiming for you. Bad for you, but hey, fun for the rest of us. Especially when the betting starts.
no subject
Date: 2003-06-30 06:07 pm (UTC)All right, wait a minute. Some of us are horribly photosensitive. Like me. If the sun is above the horizon, regardless of whether there are clouds, I'm wearing sunglasses. Period, end of story. It's not an "I'm trying to be cool" thing. It's an "OWWWWW!!!!! MY EYEEEEEEEES!!!!!!! I CAN'T SEE!!!!!!!" thing.
Re:
Date: 2003-06-30 06:14 pm (UTC)Correction. A "Damn it, I *am* cool! I'm so cool, I've had these sunglasses surgically attached to my face!" sort of thing. There was smirking and head-bobbing involved. It wasn't pretty.