(no subject)

I am in love with "Battle Royale". Yes, we shall marry, and our honeymoon shall be bliss, and we shall produce many small independent films with young casts and large body counts.

And we shall win no Oscars, but fatten the nightmares of many with imaginary Cheetos and beer and a total lack of mental exercise.

Hee. Ourloveissofuckedupandhazardoustoyourhealth.

Haunting Yahoo News ...

Hee. There's a news story on Yahoo that says Johnny Depp said the United States is behaving like a big, dumb puppy. Doesn't that just give you the mental image of somebody shouting, "Yeah, well, if you don't like it, then you can just leave!", suddenly realizing Johnny lives in France, and getting smacked repeatedly upside the head with his own cliche?

Love the crack about "freedom" fries. That had to be one of the more idiotic things I'd ever seen. All it did for me was give me a mental image of Mr. Potato Head dipped in blue wode and castrating every Burger King employee he came across.

"And now you know why all restaurants are Taco Bell, Billy." *user giggles*

Oh, and if anybody ever wonders what it's like to be a telemarketer, this article's the best representation I've ever seen of what working in the field is like. Sort of like torture, but with more mind-numbing pain and fewer bamboo shoots shoved under your fingernails. Okay, so maybe not that many fewer, but still.

And this really sucks. I could stand for some quality armageddon around here, especially the sort of armageddon that eliminates my credit card debt. *user nods solemnly*

Story help ...

Question ... if you were stuck in a dangerous, life-threatening situation, who would you most want there to protect you? (Actor, character, whatever.) I'm looking for a specific person here -- name anyone you want.

Gakked from a good chunk of my friends list ...

All of these songs are on my OpenMG Jukebox. I swear, the underwear gnomes put them on here.

Tiny Dancer -- Elton John
Rumplestiltskin -- Girl Next Door
Overkill -- Colin Hay
Lithium -- Nirvana
Lover Lay Down -- Dave Matthews Band
Pedal to the Metal -- Kazzer
Recently Distressed -- Phantom Planet
In Your Eyes -- Peter Gabriel
Nuthin' But a G-Thang -- Dr. Dre and Snoop
Capricorn -- 30 Seconds to Mars
Easier to Run -- Linkin Park
Spongebob Squarepants Theme Song
Somebody's Gonna Get Their Head Kicked In Tonight -- The Rezillos

Jesus, I think I need to get better taste in music.

In other news, I've been looking at cute baby animal pictures for the past half hour, and can I just say how weird it is that I make the same noise when I see Jai Rodriguez on QE and when confronted with baby bunnies in teacups? Now if only someone could get Jai to sit and look puppy-cute in a teacup, they'd have a secret weapon to use against me when I take over the world and become Lord and Master of All I Survey.

Um ... you know what? Forget I said that. I have no weaknesses whatsoever. Especially not pictures of fluffy baby animals or energetic gay boys in crockery.

P.S. The first person to make a short-person crack about "all I survey" being fire hydrants and other people's kneecaps gets punched in the shins.

(no subject)

Just cleaned out my friends list to get rid of a few communities I never read much of anyway and a few people who didn't friend me back and/or never update.

See, now it's at a respectable shagging size of 145. Sheesh, I was really starting to feel like a tramp, you know?

(no subject)

Woohoo! Basic character crap out of my head. *user Charlie Browns around the room* Next up ... plotting. So basically, if I don't want to bang my head against a wall and whine so loud Velveeta sends me a lifetime's supply of cheese now, just wait until the weekend!

Ugh. Definitely need to relax with the Bootleg Eyeliner-and-Drunken-Swagger Download Which Dare Not Speak Its Name and some rum. However, am lacking in rum so will have to make due with five pound tub of chocolate chip cookie dough. Knowing me, should surpass state's legal blood cookie dough limit in approximately 42 minutes. Time me, people. This should be amusing.

EDIT: Why is it that Arnold Schwartzenegger starred in "Junior," "Batman and Robin," "The Sixth Day," "End of Days," "Jingle All the Way," and "The Last Action Hero," but he runs for governor and now he gets egged? What exactly does he have to do to get an anvil dropped on his head, run for Grand Poobah of the Known Universe? Sheesh ...