Why I shouldn't be allowed to shop.

Because I went to Amazon.com to start a wish list and it only took me fifteen minutes to put sixty things on it. And I wonder why I'm in debt. Sheesh.

EDIT: Ooo, ooo! Yes, please!

EDIT: Michael Caine's playing Alfred in the new Batman movie?! And Liam Neeson will be there, too? *squees* I think the entire cast of the movie should go to Halle Berry's trailer on the Catwoman set and openly mock her.

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You know what would make television implode? A CSI/Law and Order crossover series starring Ryan Seacrest and Sharon Osbourne. Mmm-hmm.

A public service announcement, and a question.

Now, kids, this weekend we're fortunate enough to have both a Friday the 13th and a Valentine's Day. However, please make sure not to mix up the two, as putting on a hockey mask and violently dismembering your relatives with a giant machete makes them question your love and devotion.

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Is it wrong that when the radio commercial said that there are only a few "Friends" left, I was kind of hoping that was because they were killing off one character at the end of each new episode?

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Oh, so that's why all marriages became null and void and the world collapsed in on itself today. I was wondering.

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I believe the phrase I'm looking for is what in the ever-lovin' fuck is this happy horseshit? 'Cause, you know, I like the bad words and such.

And while we're talking about things that make me go, "What the fuck?!", I was listening to the radio today when a commercial for the nightly news came on. Apparently, one of the big stories was how D.C. is preparing a plan for a citywide evacuation in case of terrorist attack. Of course, this implies something a great deal bigger than "We just dropped a plane on your geometrically proportionate building full of warmongering infidels." That implies "We're bombing your city full of lawmaking infidels."

Let me just ask the other Americans in big, big cities just to make sure, but am I the only one rolling my eyes at the absurd paranoia of that whole situation? I mean, maybe it's just the fact that I just spent the first twenty-five years on my life in Scranton, which on the list of cities terrorists would think to bomb only beats Peoria, Topeka, and maybe Albuquerque, but only because people who make wrong turns there end up in weird places, which makes it an interdimensional rift and therefore means it must be destroyed.

Anyway, maybe it's just me. I don't mind the fact that they'd know how to evacuate Washington if trouble came ... in fact, as long as Marjoe Gortner doesn't show up at my door with a bad wig and a semiautomatic, I don't care how the hell you get me out of here, just do it. (My apologies for the '70s disaster movie reference, but I wouldn't be me if I didn't make it.) What bugs me is that the newspeople coming on the air and saying, "We're not actually expecting it, but should the eeeeeevil terrorists decide to nuke Washington, we know how to set up an orderly line out of the city" reminds me vaguely of that part in "Airplane!" where Julie Hagerty calms down the passengers and then casually asks if anyone knows how to fly the plane.

(I feel like I should mention that every time I watch "Independence Day" and they say that Chicago and Atlanta were destroyed in the second wave of alien attacks, I think, "No more Bulls games in Atlanta? Pity." I don't even remember if Chicago plays Atlanta, but that's what pops into my head all the time. Go figure.)

Okay, enough ranting ... I'm off to inflate my Amazon wish list again. I won't be happy until it's reached the height requirement to devour planets.