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I sat in front of my computer for an hour yesterday trying to write Lisa fic before the premiere, aaaaaand nothing.
The other night I had the submission guidelines for Samhain's spring romance anthology open in one window and the story idea I want to use for it in another and I stared at them both for an hour, aaaaaaand nothing.
I also went so far as to dig out my screenwriting program a couple of days ago and see if anything came of that, aaaaaaaaaaaand nothing.
Stories, fanfic, novels, scripts ... apparently, I'm goddamn EMPTY.
I took a whole bunch of my vacation days off in November for NaNo and now I'm fucking TERRIFIED that NaNo will roll around and I will once again have nothing to show for it because I'm just that blank. I've got a bunch of story ideas and no idea where to start and the great thing about my depression flaring up of late is that there's this nice cheerful voice in my head that keeps saying that what does it fucking matter, no one wants to publish me anyway, and I should just go cry in a corner for an hour because it would accomplish a hell of a lot more than attempting to write anything more involved than a grocery list.
I am a barrel of fucking laughs anymore, let me tell you.
*headdesk*
... by the way, does anybody know where I can get my hands on St. John's wort that's not in ENORMOUS horse capsules? Ugh. I can find tiny concentrated valerian pills but I can't find St. John's wort that doesn't make me feel like a snake swallowing a whole goat? Sheesh.
The other night I had the submission guidelines for Samhain's spring romance anthology open in one window and the story idea I want to use for it in another and I stared at them both for an hour, aaaaaaand nothing.
I also went so far as to dig out my screenwriting program a couple of days ago and see if anything came of that, aaaaaaaaaaaand nothing.
Stories, fanfic, novels, scripts ... apparently, I'm goddamn EMPTY.
I took a whole bunch of my vacation days off in November for NaNo and now I'm fucking TERRIFIED that NaNo will roll around and I will once again have nothing to show for it because I'm just that blank. I've got a bunch of story ideas and no idea where to start and the great thing about my depression flaring up of late is that there's this nice cheerful voice in my head that keeps saying that what does it fucking matter, no one wants to publish me anyway, and I should just go cry in a corner for an hour because it would accomplish a hell of a lot more than attempting to write anything more involved than a grocery list.
I am a barrel of fucking laughs anymore, let me tell you.
*headdesk*
... by the way, does anybody know where I can get my hands on St. John's wort that's not in ENORMOUS horse capsules? Ugh. I can find tiny concentrated valerian pills but I can't find St. John's wort that doesn't make me feel like a snake swallowing a whole goat? Sheesh.
