Yeah, like I needed the validation.

I'm doing a Powerpoint presentation on depression for my IT class and my speech class this upcoming weekend -- a presentation which I am currently in the middle of putting together -- and all it is doing is affirming my belief that I have been having a worse time of it with my own depression the past few weeks than I normally do.

I'm really just feeling absolutely miserable lately, and I know it's been affecting my ability to get up off my ass and get shit done, so I apologize to anybody who's commented or emailed me lately and hasn't received a response.

I suppose I should force myself to go take a shower and take a ride somewhere so I'm not curled up in bed wanting to nap, but I feel like anywhere I go, I'm just going to end up leaving too soon and it's going to be a waste of gas and time.

I hate this.

I fucking HATE this.

Hate my life, want to cry.

This is the loop my brain has been on all weekend:

-- I took Friday off for FMLA.
-- I feel guilty about that.
-- I want to take Monday off for FMLA, too.
-- I feel guilty about that, too.
-- Oh, for fuck's sake. It's not like I'm doing it even though I'm not really having a mood. I am actually having a mood.
-- Okay, having a mood makes it sound like I'm perma-Parker-pouting, sheesh.
-- Oh, Jesus, if I don't call off on Monday, I'm going to quit my job.
-- Maybe I should quit my job anyway.
-- And do WHAT, stupid?
-- Uh, write all day long?
-- Oh, really? And when was the last time you sat down and wrote anything?
-- ... shut it, you.
-- Bitch.
-- Jerk.
-- ... so you wanna go to bed, curl up in bed, attempt to cry it out, and fail miserably for the fifteenth time this weekend?
-- Good plan.

In other news, I still haven't finished my depression Powerpoint. Gee, can't imagine why I'd rather do anything else. *sigh*