Oh, good!

I am 95% certain that I will not be able to pay my rent for this month because this week's paycheck should be juuuuuuuuuuust enough to cover the amount I need to make last month's rent.

So ... er, happy birthday to me, I guess.

(Seriously, the turning-35 thing isn't bad, it's the turning-35-when-I-can't-pay-my-rent-can't-buy-groceries-am-probably-getting-my-utilities-shut-off-any-minute-now-and-just-lost-a-pet that's starting to get to me in that way in which I would keep the suicide hotline on standby if my cell phone hadn't been shut off.)

*headdesk*

Dear charity which offers short-term grants for people having financial difficulties,

You perform a great service, but if my last month's worth of deposits are less than my expenses, that is not a sign of a long-term problem. Especially considering my boss just allowed me to stop sending a certain percentage of my claims to QC and therefore work as much as I'd like, and it turns out that I can very nearly keep up with the expected quota. You know, when I'm not so stressed about my financial situation that I'm too fucked up to work.

Sincerely,

Me

*

Dear other charities,

You are not half as much help as I need you to be.

Sincerely,

Me

*

Dear electricity, water, and internet connection,

Please don't shut off, pleeeeeeeeeease don't shut off ...

Sincerely,

Me

*

Dear girl who emails me every damn time I list my treadmill on Craigslist and asks if you can buy it only to never bother to respond after I ask you if this time you really, really mean it because I'm too needy for extra cash to ignore you,

STOP THAT.

Sincerely,

Me

*

Dear people who think I'm pathetic, lazy, and/or greedy for the number of times I've put up a Paypal button,

I apologize. Possibly in advance.

Sincerely,

Me

*

Dear cat, chinchillas, rat, hamster, and tarantula,

GET A JOB, YOU BUMS.

Sincerely,

Me

*

Dear Harper Voyager,

I am sending three manuscripts into your unagented-submissions thingy next week. Please to be accepting at least one of them. Pretty please?

Sincerely,

Me

*

Dear self,

No, you can't sell a kidney.

Sincerely,

Me

P.S. You can't give one away, either, you idiot.