apocalypsos: (Default)
[personal profile] apocalypsos
I am trying desperately to focus on the fact that the four pounds I've lost so far, all of which appear to have disappeared from my tummy, means that my usual hardcore bloating is not nearly as painfully pronounced as usual. The last couple of months, I've just slogged around in yoga pants during my period. That's how ridiculous it's gotten.

Right now, I'm in my size ten jeans and they're not aggravating my cramps. That's nice.

On the other hand, OW. OW OW OW. Dear uterus, I get it, okay? I am not pregnant. I *get* that. We don't have to do this thing every month where you go freaking ballistic informing me of that. Like, take a tip a the Pennsylvania Labor Department. I've been getting my unemployment for months now, and they don't send me a singing telegram at seven in the morning, throw me a goddamn ticker tape parade, and produce an entire variety show to celebrate the fact that I'm getting a deposit in my checking account. They realize my options for fixing the situation are hilariously empty and they keep things on the down-low. You should try that.

I'm not getting laid. I've NEVER gotten laid. You don't NEED the whole rigamarole. Really, I don't need every possible painful, uncomfortable menstrual symptom you can throw at me like the biological equivalent of holding up a megaphone and screaming, "IT'S OKAY. YOUR UTERUS IS COMPLETELY VACANT. MOVE ALONG, NOTHING TO SEE HERE. I SAID, THERE'S NOTHING TO SEE HERE. IF THIS HAD BEEN AN ACTUAL PREGNANCY, YOU WOULD HAVE MADE DELIGHTED SQUEALS, A BUNCH OF EXCITED PHONE CALLS TO RELATIVES, AND MORE DELIGHTED SQUEALS. PLEASE RETURN TO YOUR HOMES AND PLEASE TIP YOUR WAITER. IN FACT, TIP HIM A LOT SO MAYBE WE DON'T HAVE TO DO THIS AGAIN NEXT MONTH."

... owwwwwww. I'm just lucky I'm getting summer fair food to make me feel better. *pouts*

Date: 2009-06-27 07:32 pm (UTC)
florahart: (bandaids)
From: [personal profile] florahart
Every time I complain about this whole "random symptom" thing my body is doing (any or all symptoms at any or all times before or during, in no standing order or time-based relationship to anything else), I remember that I could be celebrating with a migraine every month, which would be more annoying. I mean, this month's random entry in the symptoms sweepstakes is (so far): early, with no warning whatsoever except the symptom I only know about if I try to write anything (because in the three or four days leading up, I am extremely prone to writing utter porn--this month, manifested in fisting fic, for crying out loud). I feel bad complaining about the lack of symptoms, except that "early" is relative to my current irritating standard of every 23 goddamn days, and 23 is already too frigging short. Early? 21 days. NO.

*sends hot water bottle*

Date: 2009-06-27 07:35 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sinnerforhire.livejournal.com
I feel so bad for you! I used to have really horrible cramps too but they went away with birth control. which I'm sure you can't get w/o insurance. I wish there was something I could do other than bodyswapping you my had-5-cycles-in-two-years polycystic ovaries.

Date: 2009-06-27 07:37 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sinnerforhire.livejournal.com
My PMS manifested in horribly sad deathfic. I think you win.

Date: 2009-06-27 07:41 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] apocalypsos.livejournal.com
Oh, my period is ridiculous. It's not seriously irregular, but it never shows up on the days I expect it to. The one thing I can count on is that I'll know exactly when I'm getting it. I've been known to bolt upright in bed out of a deep sleep and go running for the bathroom.

But yeah, I get everything -- bloating, cramps, headaches, muscle soreness, digestive problems (diarrhea or nausea, take your pick!), either I have no appetite or I eat everything in sight, and just for added fun it's not unusual for me to go the full seven days and spend half of that on super tampons.

OH! Oh! And I can always tell when it's coming because the day before I'm either depressed to the point of tears or raging for no particular reason.
Edited Date: 2009-06-27 07:42 pm (UTC)

Date: 2009-06-27 07:44 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] fadagaski.livejournal.com
Today I looked at my calendar to try to find a pattern in my TMI moments, but apparently I've only had one in the whole of 2009, and that was last week. Go figure.

Date: 2009-06-27 07:45 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] apocalypsos.livejournal.com
Heh. At this point, I'm almost used to it, you know? Seventeen years of getting to have this much fun (*cough*) once a month ... I think I would completely confuse my brain if I went on birth control. I'd spend once a month frantic, all, "I HAVE CLEARLY LOST SOMETHING. WHY AM I STILL UPRIGHT? WHERE ARE MY CAR KEYS?"

Date: 2009-06-27 08:33 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] callmesyd.livejournal.com
oh man

I am uninsured, but my OB/GYN has me on Loestrin 24, and... okay, check this shit out:

1) My periods are super-predictable now. You could set your clock by them. 24 days hormone pilles, 4 days iron supplement/placebos - it used to be on the second placebo that it would start, but after being on them for a year, my periods last a total of a day and a half. Going from utter misery and heavy flow to a day and a half of very managableness has been amazinnnnnnnnggggg

2) This most recent visit, my doc gave me a little card that Loestrin hands out. It guarantees that your perscription will cost no more than $24 a month, for 12 months (aka - from one doc's visit to the next).

I cannot recommend these little bastards highly enough, seriously. I CAN GO OUT AND DO THINGS DURING MY PERIOD NOW! :D :D :D

Date: 2009-06-27 09:05 pm (UTC)
From: [personal profile] irishdf
Word. I just loaded up on 6 of the Advil Liqui-Gels, which are the greatest things ever to be invented, just to try to make it through the next several hours, or days, with some resemblance to a human being. I'll still be uncomfortable, but I won't be thinking that I'm going to die. Or wishing I would.

I too go 6 or 7 days, and have no regularity. I can go 6 to 8 weeks between periods, and then get it within 23 days the next time. And this has been going on for freaking 29 years. So sick of this. (I got it really young. 9 years old.) And I can't go on birth control, because my blood-pressure's out of whack, supposedly, so it wouldn't be safe or whatever.

So I feel your pain, my friend. I get my beloved Advil, my magic pills, something salty *and* something sweet, and something good to read or watch, and I try to wait the worst of it out. But everything you said above, I'm right there with you. Hang in there. :)

Date: 2009-06-27 09:25 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mir8lle.livejournal.com
I used to get terrible cramps like that - would womit and pass out a lot during the first three days. My doctor put me on Yasmin, the mini pill and that has really really helped.

Date: 2009-06-28 07:19 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] jamjar.livejournal.com
Mine is irregular to the tune of 4 weeks to 2 and a bit months. With no real trigger, o real difference in how heavy they are.

I've been told that I should go on the pill to make them more regular, but you know, I"m happy sometimes getting a 2 and a bit months break. Why would I want it more often?

I do spend the first day wanting to sleep, though-- generally, on day one I end up dozing off at some ridiculously early hour, like 8 or 9.

Oh, one thing about cramping-- have you tried the mooncup? I have friends with severe (as in, prescription-strength) cramp issues, and both of them have said that their cramping decreased when they switched to mooncup from tampons.

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