apocalypsos | (no subject)

The things you find while taking a little trip in the Way Back machine on the writers's group list ...

You know you live/work in Washington, DC when ...

You know that you live/work in Washington, D.C. when:
* Your blood pressure skyrockets when tourists stand on the left side of
the escalator.
* You would rather suffer heatstroke than drink the city water.
* You never refer to your boss' by their name, just as their title
preceded by "the" (The Secretary, The Senator, The Partner)
* You find yourself saying "but it's only $1.5 billion."
* People just call the city "D.C."
* The government closes schools because there is a 40% CHANCE of snow
* There are 15 main ways out of the city onto the highway but no signs to
say where these are.
* Drivers pick up strangers at bus stops so that they can drive in the HOV
lanes during rush hour.
* You spend 2 hours to find a parking space and it's for "one hour only".
* The road you are on is suddenly interrupted by a building.
* People give different directions to get to the same destination
depending on the day you are going there.
* The weather man declares the weather is suddenly a cool 89 degrees with
only 90% humidity and you are happy.
* Diplomatic license plates bring on anxiety attacks.
* The weatherman calls for 2 inches of snow and you have to rush to the
grocery store to buy diapers, milk, bread, and toilet paper and you
don't even have a baby.
* You watch the World/National News to find out what to do this weekend.
* You race for the elevator.
* You dream of moving to the suburbs only to look out the window of your
$300,000 house directly into your neighbor's window 4 feet away.
* Nobody you know actually makes anything.
* Most of your friends want to become "independent consultants" (or have).
* All of your friends are either: Lawyers, Computer People, Work for some
gov't abbreviation (i.e. IRS, DOD, DOI, etc..), Work "for the Pentagon"
or "on the Hill" or "for the White House", (i.e. they work for
a location, not a person)
* Knowing somebody that can get you into an embassy, the White House, or
congressional party is a status symbol.
* People talk in acronyms and they actually understand each other.
* When you ask someone what they do for a living they respond "I would
tell you but I'd have to kill you". And they are serious.
* When you hit a softball and it bounces off the Washington Monument, it
isn't vandalism, it's a ground rule double.
* No one you know is actually from there.
* You think $8 is pretty reasonable for a beer.
* You get dressed up to go to a Social Safeway for your groceries.
* The fact that the Metro stops running at midnight means you have to rush
out of the office to catch the last train home.

And also, how come when I'm doing nothin', my computer works fine, but if I decide to do any actual work, it bails? Hmph. Electronic asshat.