(no subject)

[apocalypsos]

Let's play a game.

My parents live next door to a psycho, bigoted old coot whose main purpose in life seems to be alienating the rest of humanity. When he called this weekend, my dad informed me that not only is the guy still alive, he's been seen walking around our small town carrying a cardboard box. The same cardboard box, by the way, that he's carried around town for years and never leaves the house without.

So ... what's in the box?

Comments

[hemlock-martini.livejournal.com]

Um.

Ever seen Se7en?

[apocalypsos.livejournal.com]

I keep telling my dad it's a severed head in there, but if it is, that box has held up really good for the past however-many years he's been lugging it around.

Then again, he IS nuts. Seriously. *shudders*

[lots42.livejournal.com]

His ex-wife's face.

P.S. This has been bugging me. How can a dude be a princess?

[apocalypsos.livejournal.com]

You obviously haven't seen Chris on "Charmed". The boy's beyond adorable, but he's also gayer than a dozen San Francisco wedding parties.

[linaerys.livejournal.com]

I'm sure everyone's going to say a severed head.

[apocalypsos.livejournal.com]

I'd believe it was, too, but if the human head weighs eight pounds, there's no way in hell this guy would manage to lug it around. We're talking about a guy who weighs roughly the same as a sheet of cardstock.

[linaerys.livejournal.com]

Okay, then I'll say his attack tarantula. They are very light. And fiesty.

BTW, I meant to tell you earlier, but have totally loved your icon since you first put it up. Dude is totally a witch princess, and gayer than fairy wings.

[apocalypsos.livejournal.com]

Thanks. Chris is turning me back into a "Charmed" fangirl against my will, the saucy wench. ;)

[harmonyfb.livejournal.com]

Tinfoil - it blocks the fbi mind probes.

[dexwebster]

His dead wife's ashes?

[cipster.livejournal.com]

That's what I was going to say too.

[stone-princess.livejournal.com]

"Gifts" for his future bride? Lotion for it to rub into it's skin?

[darqstar.livejournal.com]

And a hose. In case she doesn't.

[cleobourne.livejournal.com]

something light...must hold some sort of 'emotional' feel good vibe. Like a security blanket. Maybe his alter ego is in the box and he checks on it to make sure it is still 'alive' and makes it give him the answers to all of lifes mysteries?

[casapazzo.livejournal.com]

Schroedinger's Cat.

Or a desiccated pastrami sandwich and really old newspaper clippings.

[budclare.livejournal.com]

"Schroedinger's Cat."

*gets teary-eyed* I love you.

[fire-and-a-rose.livejournal.com]

Schroedinger's Cat.

You're my hero.

[kolys.livejournal.com]

He's actually a hero to us all, and is carrying a box full of undeserved Oscars that he's stolen from their recipients in an effort to reward their rightful owners. :)

[feath.livejournal.com]

If this were a book, it would be something that brings tears to your eyes, and wishes you had realized when he was still alive, that he wasn't a mad old man, but in fact, a hero; after saving the world, he was driven insane, and there is one thing -- a rose from the lost princess of Elenor, perhaps, or something, that he carries in the box; the one last thing that was her's, that she gave him in reward for his valor. It is his horrable memory of her bloody death that sent him over the edge -- he was THAT CLOSE to saving her, but missed! Missed! And he has been twisted and warped ever since....if it wasn't for that box, he would have killed himself long ago.

[dargie.livejournal.com]

Probably just a sandwich and an apple. There's no romance left in the world. *g*

[justbluemyself.livejournal.com]

Nothing. There is absolutely nothing in the box.

[budclare.livejournal.com]

Are you sure that he's not just conducting a complex psychological/sociological/anthropological experiemnt? (I can't believe that I got through the three long words without a typo and then screwed up "exeriment." And...I did it again. Experiment. Right.) Sounds like the kind of thing I'd do. Maybe someday he'll publish a book about it. (Mad As a Hatter: Being Crazy in a Small Town)

[blackgarden.livejournal.com]

An entire tiny universe.

Full of leetle beings that have no idea their everything is being carried around in a cardboard box by a crazy man.

...

Disturbing, isn't it? The walls of our universe could be cardboard!

[miggy.livejournal.com]

Godot.

[darqstar.livejournal.com]

Hitlers ashes. Or, just random fireplace ashes he thinks are Hitlers.

[ashenmote.livejournal.com]

I'd say it is simply a pair of spare shoes, just in case.

Or else it holds the dress for a super hero with an excellent secret identity.

Maybe both.

[thenetwork.livejournal.com]

A lost marble with a galaxy trapped in it.

[kolys.livejournal.com]

Maybe it's Jesus.

That way, any time someone comes up to him in the street (as happens to me with monotonous regularity) and asks him whether he's found Jesus, he can point to the box, grin widely and say, "Yup." Or better still, "I got your Jesus right here".

[virgulesmith.livejournal.com]

We have a guy in the town I grew up in who has been wearing the same letterman's jacket for 25+ years. A differently abled fellow, he spends his days tromping about the city, watching kids play sports and visiting the stores.

I don't know why he wears the jacket. But I think they give him a new jacket every 5 years or so.

Maybe psycho man has his an outfit from his high school. Only he can't fit into it anymore, so he carries it in the box. Its in there, neatly folded. The box is the one his X-Ray glasses came in.

[coyotegoth.livejournal.com]

Ever see Barton Fink?

[thespatz.livejournal.com]

"The stuff that dreams are made of..."

Or, y'know, foam packaging peanuts, in case he needs to mail a fragile object at whim.

[muffytaj.livejournal.com]

An umbrella. Or ... or... *bursts into tears* Oh Gods, tell me how horrible he is so I can stop feeling so sorry for him!

[apocalypsos.livejournal.com]

Well, let's see ...

There's a dirt driveway behind our houses that's an extension of the road and therefore public property anyone can park on. He seems to think it's his. He once took pictures of friends of ours parking there to come to a party at our house and said he was going to go to the cops with them and complain. (The best part? One of the town police officers was at our party and laughed at that. Hee.)

Also, the way his house is situated, his property lines are slanted funny. Apparently, this is all our fault. It irritated him so much, he sent my father an "anonymous" letter. It basically said that if my father didn't stop harrassing the "upstanding WWII veteran" next door, he was going to sell his house to a black family from Brooklyn. (Like that was a threat ... my mother was tempted to go over and ask him when he was leaving so she could throw a housewarming party for the new neighbors.)

If you read the letter, you would have learned that black people are used to "crooked lines" and white people expect better. *rolls eyes*

[apocalypsos.livejournal.com]

Ooo, and then there was the way he used to intentionally cut his grass every morning for about two weeks straight at eight o'clock when I had a night job and that was when I was trying to get to sleep.

And then there was his car. It was a piece of crap that made mine look like a showroom model. Yet, for some stupid reason -- maybe he expected it to be stolen in the town of 2,000 people, I don't know -- he took the battery out of the damn thing when he wasn't driving it. (Never mind that stealing a car in our town would have been idiotic -- "Hey, Joe, why are you driving Larry's car?")

And he totally thought my brother and I were pulling tricks on him. He told another neighbor that he was going to call the cops because the tires on his car were losing air and he was positive we were doing you. (He said this when he knew I was at my window and my father was working in our backyard and could hear him.) This, by the way, was when he'd parked the car in his yard, hadn't driven it in weeks, and left it there during a heat wave. Of course his damn tires were going to lose air. Jesus ...

Have you stopped feeling sorry for him yet? I've got a ton of these stories. ;)

[myniamh.livejournal.com]

*burns with curiosity* *plots to steal box*