apocalypsos | (no subject)

As many of you might already know (or not know), I currently work for a shipping company researching packages which we've had a difficult time delivering, either because of wrong addresses or nobody being home to accept packages.

tviokh posted a "Note to Customers" from tech support earlier today, and seeing as how I'm going to have all of these problems with people today (I can pretty much count on that), I'm going to pre-rant here.

1. If I call you up and tell you that the package you shipped has an incorrect address, don't ask, "Why? What's wrong with it?" See, if I knew that, I wouldn't be calling you, would I?

2. Don't say to me when I ask if there's an apartment or room number you might have forgotten, "Yes. Why, is that important?" Tell you what. Why don't you come down here with the driver and knock on every single door of an apartment complex for him?

3. That room number thing? That goes doubly so for the Pentagon. You needto put that number on there. Know why? Because the Pentagon is fucking huge. A freaking PLANE hit it, and you saw how relatively small an area that damage was restricted to.

4. If I call you and ask for a phone number for the receiver, do me the favor of not asking, "Isn't there a phone number for them on there?" *headdesk* Well, of course there is. In fact, I already called the receiver and got his correct address, but I figured I'd call you because I sensed you'd be an interesting conversationalist. *eye roll*

5. While I'm at it, don't ask, "Did you try 411?" Ooo, what's 411? I have never heard of this strange code of which you speak. *end sarcasm*

6. Don't say, "But I've been shipping there for the last five years!" Yes ... yes, you have. And this week, they're not there anymore. I know it might come as quite a shock, but they may have moved and forgotten to tell you. Go cry yourself a river about everyone forgetting your existence, then come back, call their ass, and get their correct address. (These are inevitably the same shippers who will give me a phone number for the receiver, and when I call the receiver and ask about it, they'll say, "Oh, we moved from that address ages ago!" *headwall*)

7. Receivers, if I call you up and find out your address was incorrect, don't get pissed at me because "my package was supposed to be overnighted to me!" Yes, it was overnight shipping to the wrong fucking address.

8. Telling me that you're taking your business elsewhere is not going to make me go any faster. Personally, I don't care. And unless your legal name is Dell Computer, neither does the company.

9. Shippers, if I tell you that Bob Smith's address is wrong, don't say, "I know it's right. Try it again." I know this might be hard to understand, but our driver actually went to the door and asked for Bob Smith, and they said no one named Bob Smith lives there. Trust me, if we go there and try it again, they'll tell us the exact same thing. Bob Smith will not magically pop up in the living room and go, "Surprise!"

10. If you call because our phone number was on your caller ID and you think we were calling because we have a package for you and not because we might have gotten a wrong number, we reserve the right to go to your house and beat some ever-lovin' sense into you.

11. If you call up to track a package because we left you a message, but don't have the tracking number, we reserve the right to question any possible genetic link between your parents. We leave you a phone number and a tracking number, and neither one of those is left for our health, especially in a mental capacity.

12. If you call up to track a package because we left you a message, but say we didn't leave you a tracking number, expect us to call you rude names behind your back. Our phone messages are a script that every single one of us has memorized, and the last thing we leave, in excrutiating detail, is that fucking tracking number.