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apocalypsosI was cleaning files out of my documents and found this file with all these quotes I saved and never got around to putting up on a webpage. ('Cause I know some of you guys have pages like that and I've always wanted to do it, but I keep forgetting.)
So, might as well dump 'em here.
********
Quotes
Thanks all for your support, your community, and your perfectly sane devotion. It’s meant a lot. I regret nothing (except the string of grisley murders in the 80’s -- what was THAT all about?) Remember the words of the poet: "Two roads diverged in a wood, and I took the road less traveled by and they CANCELLED MY FRIKKIN’ SHOW. I totally shoulda took the road that had all those people on it. Damn." -- Joss Whedon, re: the cancellation of Angel.
"Watched a little football... A lot. I think I may have watched all the football." -- Jake, "Jake 2.0"
Jake: "What did Kyle tell you?"
Diane: "Nothing. Just that she came on a little strong."
Jake: "I've had people shooting at me, and been less afraid." -- "Jake 2.0"
You should always write with an erection. Even if you're a woman. -- Unknown
Should be "Sid Vicious", not "Sid Viscous". Although, considering how many years he's been buried, he probably is viscous by now. -- Me, in a script review
I've been reviewing for four hours and I'm only 69 pages in ... wait, the sex scene's on page 69? Huh. Insert joke here. -- Me, in reference to another script review.
Three female heads swiveled as a six-year-old vampire toddled into the room.
"Yes, honey?"
"Mommy, there's a man in my closet."
"That's your breakfast."
"Oh. Okay."
-- "Of Mercs And Mutants"
This night's activity had, as it always done, eventually turned to sex, an off-the-cuff comment about whom they would and would not f*ck within their relatively small group of friends and teachers. The only person they had agreed on so far was Jean Grey. The boys decided that everyone should get to do Dr. Grey at least once.
-- "To Small Insignificant Traditions And The Flickering Of Desire"
[Logan, Bobby, and Scott are about to be abducted by aliens]
Logan sniffed the air again. What the hell --
Why was he smelling Reese's Pieces and a cell phone?
-- unfinished X-Men movieverse fic
"Xavier's School for Gifted Youngsters. You mutate 'em, we educate 'em."
-- Jubilee answering the phone, "But Not a Real Snow-Man, That's Cruel"
There is no spoon. There is only Zuul.
-- me at work, getting my movie quotes confused.
"Drink your soda, Jubes," [Kitty] muttered.
"I can't."
"Why not?"
"Because I was in the mood for a Slushy, and someone--" Jubilee leaned around Kitty to jab Bobby in the side. "Refuses. To. Give. Me. One," she said, poking him at the end of each one-word sentence.
Bobby shook his head and silently prayed to the God of Misused Mutant Abilities as he made a grab for Jubilee's Cherry Pepsi.
-- "Boy Cooties"
"Where the hell have you been?"
"Over in the arcade playing Whack-A-Mole."
"You know, you can arrested for doing that in public," Jubilee said with a unbelievably innocent smile.
John frowned at her. "You're sick."
"Not as much as I would have been watching you whack your mole."
-- Jubilee/John, "But Not a Real Snow-Man, That's Cruel"
"Man, you're grouchy when you're kidnapped. Next time I'm getting kidnapped with somebody else."
-- Jubilee to Emma, "Dialogue"
Pisces: A member of the evil Zodiac. How would you like to join a supervillain theme group only to be told you had to be the fish person?
--
Randal Graves: Show us on the doll where they touched you.
Dante Hicks: Nobody touched me.
Randal Graves: Who was it? There's no more running from your past. Who touched you?
Dante Hicks: I hate you.
-- "Clerks: The TV Series"
Jay: I wanna get in line for that Caitlin chick's kissing booth.
Dante Hicks: What? Caitlin has a kissing booth, like for charity?
Jay: Yeah, only it don't cost nothing, and it's not for charity... and there's no booth... and it's more than just kissing... and you don't have to be a guy... Dude, she's cheating on you.
-- "Clerks: The TV Series"
"I swear, my workplace gets so weird sometimes that whenever anyone quits I half expect Oompa Loompas to come out and sing us a song about why they left." -- Eutychus
"Iranian radio has reported that Osama bin Laden was already captured months ago. President Bush denied the rumor, saying 'No, no. He's not supposed to be caught until July 4.'" -- Jay Leno
Today while I was grocery shopping at lunch, I came across some festive Valentine's cupcakes. Each one was garnished with plastic heart ring. More baked goods should come with accessories. Next time I'm going to demand a necklace with my garlic bread. -- Iykwim
Jay: Yo man, tell me something about me.
Rufus: You masturbate more than anyone on the planet.
Jay: Aw fuck, everyone knows that. Tell me something nobody knows.
Rufus: When you do it, you're thinking about guys.
[A shocked Silent Bob stares at Jay]
Jay: Dude, not all the time.
-- "Dogma"
"Frankly nothing can compensate for the miles and the low pay and the miserable experience we've had making this fucking movie. And if you think this shitty little tub of gold popcorn is remotely going to make up for everything we've suffered, you're sadly fucking mistaken." -- Gollum's acceptance speech at the MTV Movie Awards
The answer is easy if you follow the golden rule of anime characters, which is -- if it looks like a woman, it's a man. If it looks like a man, it's an alien. If it looks like an alien, it's time for tentacle hentai! -- ladyjaida
KKK adopts a highway. Joke's on them - it's black. --Jon Stewart
Announcer: We now return to "Touched by an Angel"
Lawyer: Now exactly where did the angel touch you?
Child: Right here (points to crotch)
Angel: NO, I DIDN'T!
-- "Family Guy"
I think the same stories get told and retold because there is an endless appetite for them. Some stories will always fill a need. There will always be a demand. And certain basic plots have a kind of resonance, which is why we're constantly revisiting them.
That said, eight seasons of "Full House" was really seven seasons too many. -- taraljc
Meanwhile, not far away, in Israel...
Jesus; "So, like, just be nice to everyone."
Followers; "Gotcha, be nice to everyone except Romans, Homosexuals, Other Faiths, Other Races, Prostitutes and Sinners."
Jesus; "...Uh, no. Be nice to everyone."
Followers; ".....What, even Homosexuals?"
Jesus; "Yes."
Followers; "Other religions?"
Jesus; "Yes."
Followers; "Surely not prostitutes and sinners?"
Jesus; "Yes!"
Followers; "What, even people we don't like?!!?!?"
Jesus; "YES!!! Especially people you don't like! ARGH! You morons give me such a headache. I'll be in the Garden of Gethsemane, having a migraine."
-- "The Parody of the Christ"
Re: A new story about a bishop whose excuse for a hit-and-run was "I thought I hit a dog" --
Ryl: Next time I hit a bishop, I'm not going to stop because I knew I hit a bishop!
Quantumbitch: Does this happen a lot for you?
Ryl: It's going to.
"CBS has apologised to the world on behalf of Janet's breast, as the breast in question was too busy robbing banks and hiding weapons of mass destruction." -- Daisye
We the conservative wing of the Republican Party, the moderate wing of the Republican Party that has forgotten our oath to pursue a smaller government for the people, and the Democratic party held hostage by our fear of a poll where 1000 Americans are taken to be representative of all 300 million, do in deliberate ignorance of such eloquent language as "all men are created equal" and "certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness" and in bold defiance of Amendment 14, specifically the clause " No State shall make or enforce any law which shall abridge the privileges or immunities of citizens of the United States" do hereby and forthwith amend the U.S. Constitution to institutionalize a fallacy that has not existed since millions of Americans died quelling a rebellion, that some citizens of the United States are less worthy of liberty than others, that their rights are heretofore abridged and that, while expecting full payment of yearly taxes and full compliance with State and Federal Law, such citizens as this amendment affects are deemed in our judgment; as guided by our Biblical teachings, to be lesser citizens of the collected States of America, that they shall be barred from entering into the legal contract of marital union, be denied the right to share property, the right for hospital visitations, the right to make medical decisions no matter how long said persons have been partnered, the right of survivorship, the right to be recognized as equal; and we do thusly forevermore blur the lines between ecclesiastical and secular power within these United States by allowing religious organizations to define a legal institution, and that institution, marriage, shall be defined as between one man and one woman, as nature intended it, in spite of the mounting evidence that nature might not have intended it exclusively, we do now with blindness and ignorance and in full failure of our duties as representatives of all the people of the United States, ratify this into law. -- The proposed amendment to the Constitution banning gay marriage, as written by Smolder
"Once you discover white paint, you'll never wash your underwear again." --Conan O'Brien
"They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--" -- Gen. John Sedgick's last words, said right before he was shot in the face at the Battle of the Wilderness.
So I've decided that, instead of taking NyQuil to feel better, drinking whiskey will do the same thing. It's like playing Civil War Field Hospital. -- Angrychicken
Wil Wheaton, in an interview ..
Q: If you met the composer of the Star Trek: Enterprise theme music, what would you say to him?
Wil: Would you give me a bucket? I think I´m going to throw up. On you.
So, might as well dump 'em here.
********
Quotes
Thanks all for your support, your community, and your perfectly sane devotion. It’s meant a lot. I regret nothing (except the string of grisley murders in the 80’s -- what was THAT all about?) Remember the words of the poet: "Two roads diverged in a wood, and I took the road less traveled by and they CANCELLED MY FRIKKIN’ SHOW. I totally shoulda took the road that had all those people on it. Damn." -- Joss Whedon, re: the cancellation of Angel.
"Watched a little football... A lot. I think I may have watched all the football." -- Jake, "Jake 2.0"
Jake: "What did Kyle tell you?"
Diane: "Nothing. Just that she came on a little strong."
Jake: "I've had people shooting at me, and been less afraid." -- "Jake 2.0"
You should always write with an erection. Even if you're a woman. -- Unknown
Should be "Sid Vicious", not "Sid Viscous". Although, considering how many years he's been buried, he probably is viscous by now. -- Me, in a script review
I've been reviewing for four hours and I'm only 69 pages in ... wait, the sex scene's on page 69? Huh. Insert joke here. -- Me, in reference to another script review.
Three female heads swiveled as a six-year-old vampire toddled into the room.
"Yes, honey?"
"Mommy, there's a man in my closet."
"That's your breakfast."
"Oh. Okay."
-- "Of Mercs And Mutants"
This night's activity had, as it always done, eventually turned to sex, an off-the-cuff comment about whom they would and would not f*ck within their relatively small group of friends and teachers. The only person they had agreed on so far was Jean Grey. The boys decided that everyone should get to do Dr. Grey at least once.
-- "To Small Insignificant Traditions And The Flickering Of Desire"
[Logan, Bobby, and Scott are about to be abducted by aliens]
Logan sniffed the air again. What the hell --
Why was he smelling Reese's Pieces and a cell phone?
-- unfinished X-Men movieverse fic
"Xavier's School for Gifted Youngsters. You mutate 'em, we educate 'em."
-- Jubilee answering the phone, "But Not a Real Snow-Man, That's Cruel"
There is no spoon. There is only Zuul.
-- me at work, getting my movie quotes confused.
"Drink your soda, Jubes," [Kitty] muttered.
"I can't."
"Why not?"
"Because I was in the mood for a Slushy, and someone--" Jubilee leaned around Kitty to jab Bobby in the side. "Refuses. To. Give. Me. One," she said, poking him at the end of each one-word sentence.
Bobby shook his head and silently prayed to the God of Misused Mutant Abilities as he made a grab for Jubilee's Cherry Pepsi.
-- "Boy Cooties"
"Where the hell have you been?"
"Over in the arcade playing Whack-A-Mole."
"You know, you can arrested for doing that in public," Jubilee said with a unbelievably innocent smile.
John frowned at her. "You're sick."
"Not as much as I would have been watching you whack your mole."
-- Jubilee/John, "But Not a Real Snow-Man, That's Cruel"
"Man, you're grouchy when you're kidnapped. Next time I'm getting kidnapped with somebody else."
-- Jubilee to Emma, "Dialogue"
Pisces: A member of the evil Zodiac. How would you like to join a supervillain theme group only to be told you had to be the fish person?
--
Randal Graves: Show us on the doll where they touched you.
Dante Hicks: Nobody touched me.
Randal Graves: Who was it? There's no more running from your past. Who touched you?
Dante Hicks: I hate you.
-- "Clerks: The TV Series"
Jay: I wanna get in line for that Caitlin chick's kissing booth.
Dante Hicks: What? Caitlin has a kissing booth, like for charity?
Jay: Yeah, only it don't cost nothing, and it's not for charity... and there's no booth... and it's more than just kissing... and you don't have to be a guy... Dude, she's cheating on you.
-- "Clerks: The TV Series"
"I swear, my workplace gets so weird sometimes that whenever anyone quits I half expect Oompa Loompas to come out and sing us a song about why they left." -- Eutychus
"Iranian radio has reported that Osama bin Laden was already captured months ago. President Bush denied the rumor, saying 'No, no. He's not supposed to be caught until July 4.'" -- Jay Leno
Today while I was grocery shopping at lunch, I came across some festive Valentine's cupcakes. Each one was garnished with plastic heart ring. More baked goods should come with accessories. Next time I'm going to demand a necklace with my garlic bread. -- Iykwim
Jay: Yo man, tell me something about me.
Rufus: You masturbate more than anyone on the planet.
Jay: Aw fuck, everyone knows that. Tell me something nobody knows.
Rufus: When you do it, you're thinking about guys.
[A shocked Silent Bob stares at Jay]
Jay: Dude, not all the time.
-- "Dogma"
"Frankly nothing can compensate for the miles and the low pay and the miserable experience we've had making this fucking movie. And if you think this shitty little tub of gold popcorn is remotely going to make up for everything we've suffered, you're sadly fucking mistaken." -- Gollum's acceptance speech at the MTV Movie Awards
The answer is easy if you follow the golden rule of anime characters, which is -- if it looks like a woman, it's a man. If it looks like a man, it's an alien. If it looks like an alien, it's time for tentacle hentai! -- ladyjaida
KKK adopts a highway. Joke's on them - it's black. --Jon Stewart
Announcer: We now return to "Touched by an Angel"
Lawyer: Now exactly where did the angel touch you?
Child: Right here (points to crotch)
Angel: NO, I DIDN'T!
-- "Family Guy"
I think the same stories get told and retold because there is an endless appetite for them. Some stories will always fill a need. There will always be a demand. And certain basic plots have a kind of resonance, which is why we're constantly revisiting them.
That said, eight seasons of "Full House" was really seven seasons too many. -- taraljc
Meanwhile, not far away, in Israel...
Jesus; "So, like, just be nice to everyone."
Followers; "Gotcha, be nice to everyone except Romans, Homosexuals, Other Faiths, Other Races, Prostitutes and Sinners."
Jesus; "...Uh, no. Be nice to everyone."
Followers; ".....What, even Homosexuals?"
Jesus; "Yes."
Followers; "Other religions?"
Jesus; "Yes."
Followers; "Surely not prostitutes and sinners?"
Jesus; "Yes!"
Followers; "What, even people we don't like?!!?!?"
Jesus; "YES!!! Especially people you don't like! ARGH! You morons give me such a headache. I'll be in the Garden of Gethsemane, having a migraine."
-- "The Parody of the Christ"
Re: A new story about a bishop whose excuse for a hit-and-run was "I thought I hit a dog" --
Ryl: Next time I hit a bishop, I'm not going to stop because I knew I hit a bishop!
Quantumbitch: Does this happen a lot for you?
Ryl: It's going to.
"CBS has apologised to the world on behalf of Janet's breast, as the breast in question was too busy robbing banks and hiding weapons of mass destruction." -- Daisye
We the conservative wing of the Republican Party, the moderate wing of the Republican Party that has forgotten our oath to pursue a smaller government for the people, and the Democratic party held hostage by our fear of a poll where 1000 Americans are taken to be representative of all 300 million, do in deliberate ignorance of such eloquent language as "all men are created equal" and "certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness" and in bold defiance of Amendment 14, specifically the clause " No State shall make or enforce any law which shall abridge the privileges or immunities of citizens of the United States" do hereby and forthwith amend the U.S. Constitution to institutionalize a fallacy that has not existed since millions of Americans died quelling a rebellion, that some citizens of the United States are less worthy of liberty than others, that their rights are heretofore abridged and that, while expecting full payment of yearly taxes and full compliance with State and Federal Law, such citizens as this amendment affects are deemed in our judgment; as guided by our Biblical teachings, to be lesser citizens of the collected States of America, that they shall be barred from entering into the legal contract of marital union, be denied the right to share property, the right for hospital visitations, the right to make medical decisions no matter how long said persons have been partnered, the right of survivorship, the right to be recognized as equal; and we do thusly forevermore blur the lines between ecclesiastical and secular power within these United States by allowing religious organizations to define a legal institution, and that institution, marriage, shall be defined as between one man and one woman, as nature intended it, in spite of the mounting evidence that nature might not have intended it exclusively, we do now with blindness and ignorance and in full failure of our duties as representatives of all the people of the United States, ratify this into law. -- The proposed amendment to the Constitution banning gay marriage, as written by Smolder
"Once you discover white paint, you'll never wash your underwear again." --Conan O'Brien
"They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--" -- Gen. John Sedgick's last words, said right before he was shot in the face at the Battle of the Wilderness.
So I've decided that, instead of taking NyQuil to feel better, drinking whiskey will do the same thing. It's like playing Civil War Field Hospital. -- Angrychicken
Wil Wheaton, in an interview ..
Q: If you met the composer of the Star Trek: Enterprise theme music, what would you say to him?
Wil: Would you give me a bucket? I think I´m going to throw up. On you.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2004-05-16 05:57 pm (UTC)Q: If you met the composer of the Star Trek: Enterprise theme music, what would you say to him?
Wil: Would you give me a bucket? I think I´m going to throw up. On you.
I am constantly amazed that such a lame-ass character was played by someone so cool.
no subject
Date: 2004-05-16 06:05 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-05-17 06:04 am (UTC)You can read more from Wil in my interview with him!
no subject
Date: 2004-05-16 07:05 pm (UTC)You made my night.
Jesus; "YES!!! Especially people you don't like! ARGH! You morons give me such a headache. I'll be in the Garden of Gethsemane, having a migraine."
*snerks* Reminds me of Lamb. Man, I need to read that again. DAMMIT I WANT MY BOOK BACK.
no subject
Date: 2004-05-16 10:16 pm (UTC)I ::love:: Lamb. I've given out copies of it to friends and talked about it until people have started avoiding me on the street...well, maybe not that much, but I have great affection for the snark that is Biff and Josh.
no subject
Date: 2004-05-17 02:43 pm (UTC)I WANT IT BACK NOW.
no subject
Date: 2004-05-17 05:59 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-05-16 07:21 pm (UTC)no subject
no subject
Date: 2004-05-16 07:39 pm (UTC)Linky link? Please?
no subject
Date: 2004-05-16 07:42 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-05-16 07:44 pm (UTC)PLEASE?!?!?!??!?!?!?
no subject
Date: 2004-05-16 07:48 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-05-17 03:55 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-05-22 10:48 pm (UTC)