Why I try not to write sex scenes.
Aug. 12th, 2004 10:13 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
apocalypsosSo I was reading this post regarding stories in which girls losing their virginity have these flowery, magical experiences, and it got me thinking.
I'm a virgin.
And I say that with no pride and no shame, it's just a fact. I've never experienced straight sex, gay sex, the giving or receiving of oral sex, watching sex ... hell, I've barely made out with anyone. It's not so much that I'm a prude or that I'm saving myself for marriage, it's just that every time I want to nail a guy, there's always these hindrances in the relationship like he doesn't know I exist or he turns out to be gay or he moves to Utica. If I could get a cute, smart, funny guy to like girls, like me, and stand still long enough for me to do him, that would help.
Now, I give you this detailed description of my sexual history (and lack thereof) to make a point. I don't write sex scenes all that often. The closest I've come to an honest-to-goodness sex scene was in Ghost in the Shell, and that was mostly vague description and then the inevitable cutaway to the morning after. I'd rather write no sex scene than a bad one.
That said, I tend to check out a lot of the stories on Adultfanfiction.net, not so much to get off than because the way some people write sex scenes amuses me. Hey, just because I haven't had any doesn't mean I don't know how it works. And the post above got me seriously thinking about the way these first-time fics scenes end up getting written.
When it comes to the Buffyverse (which are usually the stories I end up reading on Adultfanfiction.net), most of the writers there are entirely focused on taking the virginity of Buffy or Willow, Buffy because she's the main character and Willow because I imagine these same writers like to imagine introducing the quiet, shy girl to sex will unleash a wild sex kitten. Of course, the majority of them don't want to write Angel or Oz doing the job according to canon, they want to go back earlier and have either Xander (if they're Gary Stu-ing their way into a sex scene with the character) or Spike (since this would have had to happen back he was still evil and cool) do it. These are the ones that are obviously written by guys, by the way.
Now, at least if you're a guy, I can give you a little leeway on misinterpreting the feeling of breaking a girl's hymen much in the same way I'd expect a little leeway for misinterpreting the pain it feels getting kneed in the balls. Just a little leeway, though, especially considering how easy it is to turn to the nearest man or woman and ask, "So, how does it feel?" Hell, I asked my brother once just to know. (And guys, yes, it does hurt when a chick gets hit there, too. I once read a story when a girl was punched there and it didn't hurt, and I suddenly wondered where she got a Teflon crotch.)
Most of the time, it hurts when a girl loses her cherry. Notice how I say "most of the time," because nothing is a hundred percent, and I know more than one girl who lost their virginity and didn't feel all that much pain, or any pain at all. But the majority of girls do. And even if you broke your hymen as a kid on a fence or horseback riding or some weird reason like that, it's still something that's in a place where something like that hasn't been before. (Although if anybody wants to describe the sensations a little better ... yeah, virgin here.)
Of course, there's stories like mentioned in the above post, in which he breaks through the hymen and they just hang out for a minute or so and then shag like nothing ever happened. I can understand on a certain level, because that happens a lot in romance novels and having the woman whimpering in pain the whole time would ruin the mood. Of course, the distraction of it being statistically incorrect can drive you nuts, too, but if it's well-written, I'll buy it.
The difference with fan fiction is that for an unfortunately large amount of the time, it isn't well-written. So what you end up getting is Buffy or Willow being all scared and inexperienced until the moment their hymen is broken, at which point Buffy became a dirty-talking nymphomaniac and Willow whips out that dominatrix costume she bought on a whim. And that's just in the stories written by guys. The ones written by teenage girls feature so much romance and so many painless orgasms, you half-expect Buffy to walk out of the room afterwards whistling a jaunty tune and surrounded by fawning baby forest animals.
Then, there are the fanfic authors who are trying waaaaaaaay too hard. You know how you can tell who they are? A first time for a woman will hurt, most times to the point where they don't enjoy the experience. Now, how is that romantic? So here's what we'll do -- we'll have a character we hate rape the woman in question, and then her knight in shining armor will sweep in afterwards to cuddle her and care for her and teach her the joys of sex. I cannot begin to count the number of stories I've seen in the Buffy section at Adultfanfiction.net that read like that, and it's revolting.
As for published fiction, did you ever notice how much you can tell about an author's sex life by how they write their sex scenes? A lot of romance novelists can write a nice, romantic sex scene, and most of those are the ones who are having healthy, regular sex with their significant others. But when *I* don't buy a sex scene, I know somebody's trying to live vicariously through their fiction and is doing it badly. (Personally, I've always thought Laurell K. Hamilton is a perfect example of this. If reading the first Merry Gentry book taught me anything, it was that LKH wouldn't know good sex if it nailed her sideways in public wearing a Mickey Mouse costume.)
So there's my two cents on the matter. And, erm, if anybody wants to send Hugh Jackman over, my virginity and I would appreciate it. ;)
I'm a virgin.
And I say that with no pride and no shame, it's just a fact. I've never experienced straight sex, gay sex, the giving or receiving of oral sex, watching sex ... hell, I've barely made out with anyone. It's not so much that I'm a prude or that I'm saving myself for marriage, it's just that every time I want to nail a guy, there's always these hindrances in the relationship like he doesn't know I exist or he turns out to be gay or he moves to Utica. If I could get a cute, smart, funny guy to like girls, like me, and stand still long enough for me to do him, that would help.
Now, I give you this detailed description of my sexual history (and lack thereof) to make a point. I don't write sex scenes all that often. The closest I've come to an honest-to-goodness sex scene was in Ghost in the Shell, and that was mostly vague description and then the inevitable cutaway to the morning after. I'd rather write no sex scene than a bad one.
That said, I tend to check out a lot of the stories on Adultfanfiction.net, not so much to get off than because the way some people write sex scenes amuses me. Hey, just because I haven't had any doesn't mean I don't know how it works. And the post above got me seriously thinking about the way these first-time fics scenes end up getting written.
When it comes to the Buffyverse (which are usually the stories I end up reading on Adultfanfiction.net), most of the writers there are entirely focused on taking the virginity of Buffy or Willow, Buffy because she's the main character and Willow because I imagine these same writers like to imagine introducing the quiet, shy girl to sex will unleash a wild sex kitten. Of course, the majority of them don't want to write Angel or Oz doing the job according to canon, they want to go back earlier and have either Xander (if they're Gary Stu-ing their way into a sex scene with the character) or Spike (since this would have had to happen back he was still evil and cool) do it. These are the ones that are obviously written by guys, by the way.
Now, at least if you're a guy, I can give you a little leeway on misinterpreting the feeling of breaking a girl's hymen much in the same way I'd expect a little leeway for misinterpreting the pain it feels getting kneed in the balls. Just a little leeway, though, especially considering how easy it is to turn to the nearest man or woman and ask, "So, how does it feel?" Hell, I asked my brother once just to know. (And guys, yes, it does hurt when a chick gets hit there, too. I once read a story when a girl was punched there and it didn't hurt, and I suddenly wondered where she got a Teflon crotch.)
Most of the time, it hurts when a girl loses her cherry. Notice how I say "most of the time," because nothing is a hundred percent, and I know more than one girl who lost their virginity and didn't feel all that much pain, or any pain at all. But the majority of girls do. And even if you broke your hymen as a kid on a fence or horseback riding or some weird reason like that, it's still something that's in a place where something like that hasn't been before. (Although if anybody wants to describe the sensations a little better ... yeah, virgin here.)
Of course, there's stories like mentioned in the above post, in which he breaks through the hymen and they just hang out for a minute or so and then shag like nothing ever happened. I can understand on a certain level, because that happens a lot in romance novels and having the woman whimpering in pain the whole time would ruin the mood. Of course, the distraction of it being statistically incorrect can drive you nuts, too, but if it's well-written, I'll buy it.
The difference with fan fiction is that for an unfortunately large amount of the time, it isn't well-written. So what you end up getting is Buffy or Willow being all scared and inexperienced until the moment their hymen is broken, at which point Buffy became a dirty-talking nymphomaniac and Willow whips out that dominatrix costume she bought on a whim. And that's just in the stories written by guys. The ones written by teenage girls feature so much romance and so many painless orgasms, you half-expect Buffy to walk out of the room afterwards whistling a jaunty tune and surrounded by fawning baby forest animals.
Then, there are the fanfic authors who are trying waaaaaaaay too hard. You know how you can tell who they are? A first time for a woman will hurt, most times to the point where they don't enjoy the experience. Now, how is that romantic? So here's what we'll do -- we'll have a character we hate rape the woman in question, and then her knight in shining armor will sweep in afterwards to cuddle her and care for her and teach her the joys of sex. I cannot begin to count the number of stories I've seen in the Buffy section at Adultfanfiction.net that read like that, and it's revolting.
As for published fiction, did you ever notice how much you can tell about an author's sex life by how they write their sex scenes? A lot of romance novelists can write a nice, romantic sex scene, and most of those are the ones who are having healthy, regular sex with their significant others. But when *I* don't buy a sex scene, I know somebody's trying to live vicariously through their fiction and is doing it badly. (Personally, I've always thought Laurell K. Hamilton is a perfect example of this. If reading the first Merry Gentry book taught me anything, it was that LKH wouldn't know good sex if it nailed her sideways in public wearing a Mickey Mouse costume.)
So there's my two cents on the matter. And, erm, if anybody wants to send Hugh Jackman over, my virginity and I would appreciate it. ;)
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no subject
Date: 2004-08-12 08:04 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-08-12 08:07 am (UTC)If I'd have waited with the whole virginity thing until meeting someone patient and nice enough to go through with it with... well, then I'd have been well adjusted, I guess >_>
But yeah.
no subject
Date: 2004-08-12 08:08 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-08-12 08:10 am (UTC)thought there were different reasons
Date: 2004-08-12 08:11 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-08-12 08:12 am (UTC)I feel bad for the poor girls who expect some sort of physical earthquake with Hugh Grant. Manage your expectations, dearies.
no subject
Date: 2004-08-12 08:15 am (UTC)*DIES*
OH, that's priceless. :) And perfect.
no subject
Date: 2004-08-12 08:17 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-08-12 08:19 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-08-12 08:23 am (UTC)Try explaining that one.
no subject
Date: 2004-08-12 08:26 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-08-12 08:30 am (UTC)Not unless god was a drunken frat boy . . .
no subject
Date: 2004-08-12 08:31 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-08-12 08:32 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-08-12 08:37 am (UTC)It would probably also explain Pauly Shore.
*snerk*
Date: 2004-08-12 08:41 am (UTC)But then, I'm not related to fertility deities like MG, so maybe I just don't know good sex either.....
no subject
Date: 2004-08-12 08:53 am (UTC)Superglue on the soles of their feet will help in the regard.
Or so I'm told.
Non-sequitor
Date: 2004-08-12 09:00 am (UTC)I guess blaming the cherry-popping discomfort on the Gods is a lot better than feeling all revolted and sore from your first sexual encounter. After all, every Roman knew the gods were a bunch of callous bastards already.
no subject
Date: 2004-08-12 09:04 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-08-12 09:16 am (UTC)And I do find it amusing that it tends to be the blokes who fantasise most about getting someone to lose their cherry. Mind you, they're also the ones who obsess about size of dick. All the girls I know go 'Honey, all we're concerned with is whether you know what to do with it.'
I've had good sex and bad sex and boring sex, and my virginity-loss was mostly 'oh, it happened? Okay, feeling not bad... dammit, why did he get to come and I didn't?' I also know someone whose only reason it was painful was because it happened in the middle of a thorn bush when she was drunk.
no subject
Date: 2004-08-12 09:18 am (UTC)Apparently I, and most of my friends about whom I know the details of such personal things, really lucked out in the "first time" department.
no subject
Date: 2004-08-12 09:21 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-08-12 09:34 am (UTC)I need to stop being a dork now.
CJ
no subject
Date: 2004-08-12 09:41 am (UTC)I agree about the quality of the writer since most fic writers exercise their right to write about sex they don't have with vigor. Your hets write slash, your gays write het (okay, so far less often) and your computer magically writes this threesome fic that you re-read in the morning and go "Did I forget something from my life?"
And heh, my losing virginity experience? Exactly like that. It was in the most mundane sense of the word losing, like "Huh. Alright."
And as long as your friend wasn't having sex with the thorn bush, I'm sure she recovered :)
"I'm just gonna cover with leaves, and hope somebody falls in."
nymphomaniac virgin.
Date: 2004-08-12 09:42 am (UTC)trust me.