(no subject)

[apocalypsos]

I apparently learn more than I should from the Don & Mike show. For instance, yesterday I learned that Arnold Schwartzengger is having a garage sale with the state of California and is selling tons of stuff on eBay including, and I'm not making this up, thirty pounds of scissors. I love that phrase, "30 pounds of scissors". It makes me want to start a punk band just for the name. And selling scissors in poundage ... how novel. What next, seventy-five ounces of televisions? Forty-three gallons of kittens? Then again, you could sell kittens by the gallon, but really, what would you do with liquid kittens? (Egads! Another punk band name!)

Also, yesterday's guest on the show was Ryan Seacrest's hairstylist, who was far too adorable to be allowed anywhere near Ryan Seacrest. Bah.

Oh, and here's something that'll make you go, "I'm sorry, but what the fuck is that supposed to mean?" Since we're near Washington, our DHL station has to forward packages from some of the government buildings to this location in Anacostia that X-rays and inspects the packages for certain divisions when their security reaches high enough. So Bosslady gets a phone call yesterday from a guy from the GSA to see about forwarding their packages to the security location starting in a few months, but only -- and this is is the WTF?! part -- only if Bush gets re-elected.

I'm sorry ... what? What the hell is that supposed to mean? I'm still trying to figure it out.

Anyway, qnotku just dared me to finish an 80,000 story by my birthday and get it published. And I have an idea, too. Damn it.

Comments

[budclare.livejournal.com]

What, this coming birthday? Next month? TroNoWriMo?

eee!

[chang-o.livejournal.com]

Liquid Kittens *is* a great name for a band, though a terribly disturbing image...

Re: eee!

[http://users.livejournal.com/_redpanda_/]

I was always fond of our RPG's imaginary band name: "Tarantula Butter."

Re: eee!

[cmstephens.livejournal.com]

This reminds me of a section of one of George Carlin's books, titled "Punk Bands I Have Known"...

Tower of Swine
Room in My Shorts
Mary Krenwinkle's Revenge
Sphincter Hoedown
Basket of Fire
Trees for Lunch
Glandular Imbalance
A Fine Way to Die
Let's Pull Our Eyes Out
Sewer Transaction
Cosmic Groin Pull
Pudding Disease
A Rare Twinkie
Rubber Thoughts
Vaginal Spotting
The Note Fuckers
Puke All Night
Anal Lace
Gorilla Tits
Harmony Sucks
Warts, Waffles and Walter
Mess-Kit Germ Colony
Hideous Infant
Clots on the Move
Systematic Rejection
The Stillborn
Household Pest
Breach of the Peace
Thankless Child
Persistent Rain
Days of Doubt
Sack of Shit
Hole in My Scrotum
Ed, Formerly Don
Cocaine Snot Groove
Hilda Fucks
Waitress Sweat
Infected Mole
This Band Needs Practice

Re: eee!

[gruyere.livejournal.com]

This Band Needs Practice

I'm reminded of a band I used to know online. They called themselves Bereft, because they were, and one of their songs was called "No Talent."

[derryderrydown.livejournal.com]

Damn, they'll only ship the scissors to the USA. I wanted thirty pounds of scissors!

[(Anonymous)]

How about this (http://www.gruntland.com/tofog.htm)? *grins*

[lots42.livejournal.com]

Maybe they think that many liberals will snap like twigs if Bush wins and start mailing packages of Dolphin-Safe Tuna and Pocky bombs and shit to D.C.

[fyrdrakken]

My father thought a good band name would be Crushed Puppies.

And clearly these are people who know they'll be out of their jobs if the Shrub doesn't steal the next election.

[callie-chan.livejournal.com]

Obviously the boxes contain a SWAT team that will quietly and efficiently remove Bush from the White House and put him in a place where he will do less damage. I'm guessing cryogenic storage.

Naturally, the SWAT team gets to go on leave when if Kerry gets elected.

-Callisto

[gruyere.livejournal.com]

More importantly, it's really fun to say "thirty pounds of scissors" in an Ahnuld voice.

[http://users.livejournal.com/___destijl/]

ahahahahahahahaha YES.

[randomfrog.livejournal.com]

At camp, we'd chant incessantly at people, "Every time you masturbate, a ninja kills a kitten - AND HE DOESN'T CARE!" It was our camp motto, of sorts.

And three years later, I finally find out what happened to those kittens.