apocalypsos | (no subject)

God, did I need a nap after I came home from work today. If for no other reason than this lovely *ahem* conversation --

digitalodysssey: Hey, come on, what's wrong with Muppets? What'd they ever do to anyone?
TP: Haven't you ever seen that video, When Animal Attacks?
DO: The Muppets are harmless, all right?
TP: Hey, you don't know that Kermit's not some sick serial killer. Have you been in his crawlspace? You looked in his backyard? The frog could be a seriously twisted bastard. I'll bet you're just saying that because he lured you into his car with a lollipop and then he touched you in all the naughty places.
DO: No, if any of the Muppets is a sex offender, it's Rolf.
TP: Oh, please, it'd so totally be Fonzie. He's in show business, he's a comedian, he's totally unsuccessful ... aaaaaaand it's entirely too frightening that I've figured out which of the Muppets is a probable child molester.
DO: Uh-uh, if one of the Muppets is a child molester, it's got to be Beaker.
TP: Come on, it has to be Bunsen Honeydew. He looks like one of those dirty old men who pick kids up in their cars and give them ice cream, doesn't he? Beaker's probably getting more nookie than the rest of the Muppets combined, including Miss Piggy. He doesn't talk much, well, not in any words that you'd understand. And hey, you know what they say about a guy with a head shaped like that.
DO: It gives a whole new definition to "sit on my face".
TP: Actually, Gonzo's better for that. Weirder, but better.

In other news, I went to see T3 last night. Yes, again. Hey, as long as Nick Stahl's eyes remain pretty and his five o'clock shadow remains intact and his life remains in constant danger and his ass remains cute and constantly in my vision due to his whole running away thing, I will remain just as shallow and libido-controlled as per usual, damn it.

Those damn commercials they played before the movie seriously pissed me off, though. Except for the first one, which was that Church of Latter-Day Saints one about "Including Others" with the handicapped kid in the soapbox race. It's not that it amuses me because it's cute and sweet and saccharine (sort of like me, but with higher production costs), but because my little brother said that every time he sees that commercial, he expects it to be stopped halfway through by a massive mushroom cloud, followed by the title card, "BE PREPARED! (Paid for by the Bush Administration.)" Is it wrong that the mental image of all of the kids melting to their soapbox cars makes me giggle hysterically now when I see that?

Come to think of it, that sort of reaction would probably get me a Senate seat these days if I play my cards right. Hey, I like a little total annihilation and radiation poisoning with my overhanded life lessons, thank you very much.

The one that always irritates me the most is the Sprite Remix commercial. You'd think the epileptic rapper would be where I'd lose it, but it's the sumo wrestler that gets me. What the fuck?! What the hell does sumo wrestling have to do with Sprite Remix? If that's the way you look after you drink the stuff, that's not going to sell more drinks. Trust me on this.

Not only that, but whenever I see a sumo wrestler, I'm always reminded how goofy they look when they show those competitions on cable. You know, like ESPN ran out of things to show again and picked up a satellite feed of the Japanese Invitational World's Best Adult New Year's Baby Costume Contest. Either that, or those really are giant babies, in which case that explains why Tokyo gets Godzilla and the rest of us have to settle for Dr. Bruce Banner after he stubs his toe on the credenza.