Rambling about music
Jun. 11th, 2003 05:40 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
apocalypsosOkay, first off, if one more person tells me that "Jenny on the Block" is "my song," I'm going to "remove their spleen with a spoon" and "smack them upside the head with a frozen trout." "Jenny from the Block" isn't my song. It shouldn't even be J. Lo-to-be-Fleck's song. It takes an extraordinarily large set of knockers to sing a song about being just the same girl as you used to be when you're worth millions, getting married to Ben Affleck, and the most spoiled rotten wench in Hollywood.
In any event, did you guys read the top 100 songs of the past 25 years on VH-1? Sheesh ... you know what this list reminds me of? The local top 40 radio station around here has this thing called the Wheel of Cheese where they spin a wheel and whichever cheesy-bad song comes up, they play it at 10:15 at night, right when I'm leaving for work. Last week, they played a Joey Lawrence song, which kind of gives you some idea the quality *coughcough* of the Wheel of Cheese songs.
Anyway, random thoughts from the list --
91. Melissa Etheridge, "Come to My Window": I love this song, if only because the only time I've ever had the delusion that I could sing was when I realized that I could hold that reeeeaaaaally long note at the end.
83. Band Aid II, "Do They Know It's Christmas?": Wtf?! "We Are the World" had better be somewhere on this list, then, because otherwise this is proof positive VH-1 has all of the good crack and isn't sharing it with the rest of us.
77. Missy Elliott, "Work It": Okay, wha-huh? Wasn't this song released something like five minutes ago? That isn't even her best song lately, her best song was that one with the cute little hip-hop-dancing white girl in it. Sheesh.
74. Hall & Oates, "I Can't Go For That (No Can Do)": *user blinks in confusion* I ... I have nothing to say here. All I can seem to do is stare in horror.
73. LL Cool J, "Mama Said Knock You Out": That's funny. I could have sworn I *wasn't* drunk when I started reading this list ...
65. Nelly, "Hot in Herre": Oh, yeah. Definitely the good crack. And lots of it.
51. George Michael, "Faith": Oh, my God, I'm having flashbacks to my childhood and George freaking Michael is in them. Make the pain stop. I beg you.
45. Aerosmith, "I Don't Want to Miss a Thing": You're telling me that out of all of the classic songs that Aerosmith's sung in the past 25 years, their best one came from the "Armageddon" soundtrack? Ten bucks says Steven Tyler is curled up in his bed crying right now and lamenting how his career's turned out. Well, either that, or flossing his lips. Could go either way there. (And how weird is it that the same exact features that make Liv Tyler look so gorgeous make Steven Tyler look like a saggy-faced trout? Just wonderin'.)
31. Dr. Dre feat. Snoop Doggy Dogg, "Nuthin' but a `G' Thang": *user spews Hershey's Vanilla Milkshake all over* Oh, my dear holy Lord. I can't believe this song made the list. I love this song. Not even the shock treatments and the medication could stop my 'G' Thang love. And I totally dislike most rap, which I'm starting to think means there's some unholy subliminal message in this song or something that makes me love it so. 'Cause when the skinny little white girl likes this song, I believe it's a sign of the apocalypse.
28. Britney Spears, "... Baby One More Time": *user gapes in shock for a second, then ...* Hey, they forget the best part of that title! I mean, come on ... the best part of that song is that she literally asks you to beat the crap out of her.
22. Cyndi Lauper, "Time After Time": *buzzer sound* Ehh, I'm sorry, but you do win a year's supply of turtle wax, so thanks for playing. The correct best song of Cyndi Lauper's is "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun," even though "Time After Time" is moving and beautiful and all that. But points get deducted because Eva Cassidy's cover version was twice as pretty and makes me cry every time I hear it. So, thhhppppt.
13. TLC, "Waterfalls": Insensitivity alert dead ahead! Ready? Okay ... Hee hee. "Our rapping pyromaniac slammed her car into a bus and died and all we got was number 13 on the list." All right, so it's not funny. I get one bitchy moment a day and considering how much I loathe this overplayed song, this is it.
4. Eminem, "Lose Yourself": The local morning DJs were whining about why this was even on the list, but personally, I get it. First rap song to win an Oscar, his best-written song ever (at least, I think so -- I hate Eminem, but I love this song) and on the top of the charts last year for how many weeks again? So yeah, I get it, but I still think Eminem needs a smack. Or two. Or several million by the members of the WWE. They could form a line like in "Airplane" and shake him and tell him to get a hold of himself ... and I'm done.
1. Nirvana, "Smells Like Teen Spirit": I was a huge Nirvana fan before this made it big. I don't have to defend its place at number one, I just get to sit here and gloat. ;)
All in all, the entire list reeked of Velveeta. But I like cheese, so there you go. (Did I mention that the other night, the Wheel of Cheese song was the Electric Slide? You can't electric slide while you drive! It's unfair, is what it is! Grossly unfair! I'm staging a protest! Or, you know, not.)
I also realized today while listening to the all-request drive home on the radio why I can't balance my checkbook -- because the brain cell that's supposed to be remembering that still has the really-fast-talking part of Blues Traveler's "Hook" memorized. You know, sort of like how my "pay your bills!" brain cell still knows all of the words to "We Didn't Start the Fire." My credit might be a mess, but damn it, if Name That Tune ever comes back on the air, I'm set.
In any event, did you guys read the top 100 songs of the past 25 years on VH-1? Sheesh ... you know what this list reminds me of? The local top 40 radio station around here has this thing called the Wheel of Cheese where they spin a wheel and whichever cheesy-bad song comes up, they play it at 10:15 at night, right when I'm leaving for work. Last week, they played a Joey Lawrence song, which kind of gives you some idea the quality *coughcough* of the Wheel of Cheese songs.
Anyway, random thoughts from the list --
91. Melissa Etheridge, "Come to My Window": I love this song, if only because the only time I've ever had the delusion that I could sing was when I realized that I could hold that reeeeaaaaally long note at the end.
83. Band Aid II, "Do They Know It's Christmas?": Wtf?! "We Are the World" had better be somewhere on this list, then, because otherwise this is proof positive VH-1 has all of the good crack and isn't sharing it with the rest of us.
77. Missy Elliott, "Work It": Okay, wha-huh? Wasn't this song released something like five minutes ago? That isn't even her best song lately, her best song was that one with the cute little hip-hop-dancing white girl in it. Sheesh.
74. Hall & Oates, "I Can't Go For That (No Can Do)": *user blinks in confusion* I ... I have nothing to say here. All I can seem to do is stare in horror.
73. LL Cool J, "Mama Said Knock You Out": That's funny. I could have sworn I *wasn't* drunk when I started reading this list ...
65. Nelly, "Hot in Herre": Oh, yeah. Definitely the good crack. And lots of it.
51. George Michael, "Faith": Oh, my God, I'm having flashbacks to my childhood and George freaking Michael is in them. Make the pain stop. I beg you.
45. Aerosmith, "I Don't Want to Miss a Thing": You're telling me that out of all of the classic songs that Aerosmith's sung in the past 25 years, their best one came from the "Armageddon" soundtrack? Ten bucks says Steven Tyler is curled up in his bed crying right now and lamenting how his career's turned out. Well, either that, or flossing his lips. Could go either way there. (And how weird is it that the same exact features that make Liv Tyler look so gorgeous make Steven Tyler look like a saggy-faced trout? Just wonderin'.)
31. Dr. Dre feat. Snoop Doggy Dogg, "Nuthin' but a `G' Thang": *user spews Hershey's Vanilla Milkshake all over* Oh, my dear holy Lord. I can't believe this song made the list. I love this song. Not even the shock treatments and the medication could stop my 'G' Thang love. And I totally dislike most rap, which I'm starting to think means there's some unholy subliminal message in this song or something that makes me love it so. 'Cause when the skinny little white girl likes this song, I believe it's a sign of the apocalypse.
28. Britney Spears, "... Baby One More Time": *user gapes in shock for a second, then ...* Hey, they forget the best part of that title! I mean, come on ... the best part of that song is that she literally asks you to beat the crap out of her.
22. Cyndi Lauper, "Time After Time": *buzzer sound* Ehh, I'm sorry, but you do win a year's supply of turtle wax, so thanks for playing. The correct best song of Cyndi Lauper's is "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun," even though "Time After Time" is moving and beautiful and all that. But points get deducted because Eva Cassidy's cover version was twice as pretty and makes me cry every time I hear it. So, thhhppppt.
13. TLC, "Waterfalls": Insensitivity alert dead ahead! Ready? Okay ... Hee hee. "Our rapping pyromaniac slammed her car into a bus and died and all we got was number 13 on the list." All right, so it's not funny. I get one bitchy moment a day and considering how much I loathe this overplayed song, this is it.
4. Eminem, "Lose Yourself": The local morning DJs were whining about why this was even on the list, but personally, I get it. First rap song to win an Oscar, his best-written song ever (at least, I think so -- I hate Eminem, but I love this song) and on the top of the charts last year for how many weeks again? So yeah, I get it, but I still think Eminem needs a smack. Or two. Or several million by the members of the WWE. They could form a line like in "Airplane" and shake him and tell him to get a hold of himself ... and I'm done.
1. Nirvana, "Smells Like Teen Spirit": I was a huge Nirvana fan before this made it big. I don't have to defend its place at number one, I just get to sit here and gloat. ;)
All in all, the entire list reeked of Velveeta. But I like cheese, so there you go. (Did I mention that the other night, the Wheel of Cheese song was the Electric Slide? You can't electric slide while you drive! It's unfair, is what it is! Grossly unfair! I'm staging a protest! Or, you know, not.)
I also realized today while listening to the all-request drive home on the radio why I can't balance my checkbook -- because the brain cell that's supposed to be remembering that still has the really-fast-talking part of Blues Traveler's "Hook" memorized. You know, sort of like how my "pay your bills!" brain cell still knows all of the words to "We Didn't Start the Fire." My credit might be a mess, but damn it, if Name That Tune ever comes back on the air, I'm set.
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no subject
Date: 2003-06-11 04:11 pm (UTC)Re:
Date: 2003-06-11 04:16 pm (UTC)But then again, it WAS the eighties, which in retrospect is a really good excuse for *anything* the least bit embarrassing done between 1979 and 1990.