I feel like I have to say something about this, because ... because fuckin' Hollywood.

[apocalypsos]

Many of you have -- due to jim_smith's "trailer" and metaquotes -- heard of a little movie called Snakes on a Plane.

Yes, Snakes on a Plane. It's the perfect title. Although as was pointed out in the comments on metaquotes, you've now officially all been spoiled. I'm truly sorry.

In any event, it stars Samuel L. Jackson and, if this picture is any indication, what looks like Kenan from SNL and the Wayans brother no one thinks is funny. (By the way, in verifying whether that was Kenan or Kel since I'd forgotten, I discovered Ken Foree of Dawn of the Dead was on Kenan and Kel. So I guess starring in a cheesy skit show with those two is ... sort of like fighting zombies.) And also, Julianna Margulies. Oh, and also David Koechner, who I saw last weekend in The 40-Year-Old Virgin being a perv at a sex clinic.

I'm already going to see this movie come hell or high water simply for the title, but if David Koechner survives the trip and Samuel L. Jackson -- much like in Deep Blue Sea -- is suddenly and surprisingly swallowed by a python after several tense hours of work for the python in the first part of the movie, I'll go see it twice.

I can't decide whether I think this is going to suck or going to be fantastic. On one hand, it apparently features an assassin so inept that instead of spiking his victim's expensive tiny bottle of liquor with Drano or using a blowdart or something, he lets loose a box full of snakes on a plane. This requires special levels of ineptitude, because --

1. The snakes covering Kenan in that photo? Yeah, not so poisonous if I'm remembering correctly. So obviously he tossed in a few extra. Maybe the snakes just like plane rides.
2. By flipping open the box of snakes on the plane, he is also now trapped in a plane full of snakes. Funny how that works.
2b. ... unless he follows letting the snakes loose by putting on a parachute and leaping from the plane, or locking himself in the bathroom. Then again, if I had just let a box of snakes loose on a plane, I'd lock myself in the bathroom. See, now I've let loose poisonous snakes AND taken away the only bathroom.
3. He has let loose a box of snakes on a plane with Samuel L. Jackson, who I think we all know speaks Parseltongue and can control snakes, a trick taught to him by none other than Vin Diesel on the set of xXx.

Anyways, on the other hand, who would have thought the best movie I'd see all summer was The 40-Year-Old Virgin? With a title like that, I should have turned away from the box office before I even got there, and yet I went and saw it and laughed hard enough to cry for two straight hours.

I should also point out that Samuel L. Jackson's best work is in B-movies like this. He's cool like that.

He's also going to be in a movie called Afrosamurai. Obviously, he wins at life.

In summation ... Snakes on a Plane. And a new icon. (Gackable as always. :))

Comments

[robyn-ma.livejournal.com]

'I can't decide whether I think this is going to suck or going to be fantastic.'

Of course, it could also be both.

It sucks! It's fantastic! It's a floor wax and a dessert topping!

[milkshake-b.livejournal.com]

The aforementioned Deep Blue Sea was kind of like that. I spent a lot of the first bit of the movie thinking, "I paid theater prices for this. Why? When will it be over? Is there any more popcorn?"

And then the sharks expressed their own opinion of that character who makes the rallying speech and pulls people together to defeat the odds, and suddenly it was a vastly entertaining movie. And there was a parrot and LL Cool J, and if it never became good, I was no longer upset about the ticket price.

I have certain hopes that Snakes in a Plane may manage to find that balance itself. If it doesn't, I shall watch Formula 51 and console myself with Samuel L. Jackson in a kilt, which is kind of 'snakes in a plane'-ish in itself, in a way. Only with less death.

*pauses and thinks about that movie for a minute*

Actually, maybe not less death.

[casirafics.livejournal.com]

heh. I heard about that movie sometime last year -- I'm still thoroughly amused.

SNAKES! ON A PLANE!!

[kirana-44.livejournal.com]

The snakes covering Kenan in that photo? Yeah, not so poisonous if I'm remembering correctly.

And they look a little fake too, they all look like they were curled up and someone tried to make them be straight, well that and the bottom of the snakes look flat.

[cacklebang.livejournal.com]

It's going to suck in the most fantastic way possible and I'm going to see that the DAY IT COMES OUT.

[paradoxymoron.livejournal.com]

I THOUGHT THIS WAS A JOKE?!

wow. This better not suck in a bad way.

[apocalypsos.livejournal.com]

I think my favorite thing so far is that they changed the title to Pacific Air Flight 121 and Samuel L. Jackson made them change it back. Because he's a genius, see. :)

[akacat]

An *evil* genius. He would so approve of you locking everyone out of the bathroom, because the snakes alone aren't quite enough.

[paradoxymoron.livejournal.com]

algkjalkejlk
I am snorting. this is bad.


How the HELL does this get greenlit? :D

"SNAAAAAKES! ON THE PLAAAAAANE!? DAMMIT TSA, WHERE THE HELL'S MY BOXCUTTER, YOU FUCKS?!"

I wanna see that choice bit of dialogue.


Ooo! Why haven't you/we started writing the dialogue? :D

[mike-smith.livejournal.com]

Then again, if I had just let a box of snakes loose on a plane, I'd lock myself in the bathroom. See, now I've let loose poisonous snakes AND taken away the only bathroom.

You know, I'd like to think that if I were trapped on a plane full of snakes, I'd somehow be able to keep my cool, accept my death with dignity if it comes to that, and maybe I'd even be able to get through the experience without harboring any resentment for the person responsible.

But if I can't even use the damn bathroom while all this is going on, all bets are off. I'd just start freaking out and snapping at everyone around me. The sequel to this movie would have to be "Snakes on a Plane and You Can't Use the Bathroom Either". It's the only way to top the suspense.

Unless the two problems end up cancelling each other out, and human urine is like snake Kryptonite. But I'm doubting this.

[tinylegacies.livejournal.com]

Since I have a paralyzing fear of snakes I will *not* be going to see this movie.

I'll just sit here quietly amused by all the snarktastic icons and such it's inspired already :)

[tenebraeli.livejournal.com]

Oh god, I'm *so* totally grabbing that icon. I'd never heard of the movie before now, but I'm sitting here laughing my ass off, and it's the most fun I've had in ages!

[anxietygrrl.livejournal.com]

Sankes on a motherfucking plane (http://hucksblog.blogspot.com/2005/08/snakes-on-motherfucking-plane.html), dude.

[anxietygrrl.livejournal.com]

*sigh* Snakes, that is. Not sankes. Sankes (http://www.wetwebmedia.com/PondSubWebIndex/taishosanke.htm) on a plane wouldn't be nearly as awesome. They'd just sort of flop around.

[foenix.livejournal.com]

I love that picture of the guy with the snakes on him. He seems no more perturbed by there BEING SNAKES ON HIM than say, if someone dropped a napkin there.

"Oh my, snakes. Whatever shall I do? Ho hum."

[andraste]

Snakes. On a plane. Who said Hollywood was all out of new ideas?

[robyn-ma.livejournal.com]

Hi, I'm just showing off my new Snakes on a Plane icon, kthxbai. ;)

[topaz08.livejournal.com]

Those snakes are about as venomous as a Furby ......

[weetzie21.livejournal.com]

I think there was a rumor a few months ago that Benjamin McKenzie was going to be in this movie. I remember, because I was like, "WTF? Snakes on a Plane?"

[rhipowered.livejournal.com]

Oh my gosh. Snakes. On a plane. Wow.