(no subject)

[apocalypsos]

So I went to my parents' house for dinner tonight, and my dad gave me one of his old prepaid phones, and my mom gave me her paperback copy of The DaVinci Code because I said I hadn't read it.

I just read the first page.

Okay, here's the thing. The first story I ever wrote was because I read a horrendous romance novel when I was about fifteen that made me fling the damn thing at the nearest wall and shriek, "I can write better than that!" And I couldn't at that point, but I was damn well going to try.

I think if I had read this back then, I wouldn't have become a writer.

I would have become the quarterback for the Eagles.

They wouldn't have had much of a choice but to draft me at that point, really, considering I would have thrown this book hard enough to brain Dan Brown from several states away.

Comments

[lady-shain.livejournal.com]

Ok, ok....so why, exactly does Dan Brown deserve a hardcover to the back of the head?

Just curious. It's not the best I've read, but I found it to be an enjoyable read - fluffy, with some interesting ideas..

[spyderqueen.livejournal.com]

The languagelog has been having a BLAST mocking Dan Brown's "style".

[blacksatinrose.livejournal.com]

...

So I shouldn't buy it, then? :D

[gruyere.livejournal.com]

I point you to this. With luck, you shall laugh.

[gruyere.livejournal.com]

And this, too.

[faith21.livejournal.com]

Wow, it's like something from fanfiction.net

[ex-zombieham605.livejournal.com]

Argh, yes! I don't understand all this fuss about a book that's absolutely unreadable! I tried the Da Vinci Code and couldn't get more than a couple chapters in because of the shitty prose.

[apocalypsos.livejournal.com]

It's losing me somewhere between the constant "the curator/the seventy-six-year-old man"-ing and the way it feels like nothing's happening when something actually IS happening.

[lady-shain.livejournal.com]

Oh, well, yeah. Could have used a better editor, I'm thinking...and as you go along, it gets a bit of the 'jack ryan' feel...you'll see what I mean (well, you will if you've read Clancy's stuff...)

[apocalypsos.livejournal.com]

Dude, it's painful. If I have to see "the curator" one more time, I'm going to bang my head off something. You gave him a name, Brown, use it. Sheesh.

[squee1123.livejournal.com]

it was that bad? heh...there are so many kids at my school reading it and I'm just like fuck that. I'll rent the movie when its out.

[apocalypsos.livejournal.com]

It's just written so badly. There's so many beginner's mistakes in this thing, and I'm only a few pages in right now.

[catystorm.livejournal.com]

I can't believe I actually made it through the entire book.

I have a feeling it's just me, but there was really nothing shocking about the book, and I saw all the plot twists coming a mile out. A couple of the riddles were mildly interesting, but that's about it.

Don't get me started on involving Nicholas Flamel in the Priory of Sion. I knew I wouldn't get through the book without any alchemical connections, but WTF.

[treelines.livejournal.com]

AMEN.

[veronamay.livejournal.com]

I just sort of squinted my way past the awful writing to look at the larger plot, which is a nice treasure hunt/religious fuckery piece, IMO. It does read like really bad fanfic, I agree, but worth the read nonetheless.

I am scared of the movie, though. Ron Howard + Tom Hanks is NEVER good news, but I have to go because of Paul fucking Bettany as Silas. The things I'll do for that man....

[secretbutterfly.livejournal.com]

Heh. Based on this post alone, I think my dad would love you. He's a minister, btw. He loathes that book. Says it reads like a video game where you have to search for pieces of crap along the way. lol. That and all the innaccuracies so glaring that he couldnt even begin to suspend his disbelief...lol

[xianghua.livejournal.com]

And the sad thing is, it's not a first novel.

[squee1123.livejournal.com]

i just followed some of the links in the comments and my god...there's no way I could even get past the first two lines.

YES

[jane-westin.livejournal.com]

It's so poorly written, it makes me tremble with rage! I couldn't make it through the first ten pages. The movie was almost as bad (except for Audrey Tatou).

GRRRRR. dan brown. GRRRRRR.

[xphoenixrising.livejournal.com]

I like a good conspiracy story so I thought it was an okay book. Not a big fan of him but it wasn't all that dull.

[ex-zombieham605.livejournal.com]

He writes like sixth grader! Severe slender yellow fruit syndrome.

[apocalypsos.livejournal.com]

Oh, I'm getting so tired of passive voice right now.

[azurelunatic]

I am also able to use the "this is trashfic, not good writing, so let's settle in for the ride" button in my head.

[amalthia]

if people like thrillers they should read the Repairman Jack series by Paul Wilson. there's a mystery in each novel, action, humor, romance, horror...it's fucking awesome and I honestly had a hard time putting down his his stories. Also one of the best characters ever....um okay I just don't get why this guy Mr. Brown is getting all sorts of attention when there are better stories out there and I have a bitch of a time finding people who've even heard of the Paul Wilson or the Repairman Jack series.

[phaballa.livejournal.com]

AMEN. This is exactly what I told my friends when they were all very perplexed that I was able to put the book down and not need to know what happened now, omg. Because the writing is SO terrible that the plot gets lost in his extraneous elevator descriptions and heavy handed "I know sooooo much about Paris" paragraphs.