(no subject)

[apocalypsos]

So I went to my parents' house for dinner tonight, and my dad gave me one of his old prepaid phones, and my mom gave me her paperback copy of The DaVinci Code because I said I hadn't read it.

I just read the first page.

Okay, here's the thing. The first story I ever wrote was because I read a horrendous romance novel when I was about fifteen that made me fling the damn thing at the nearest wall and shriek, "I can write better than that!" And I couldn't at that point, but I was damn well going to try.

I think if I had read this back then, I wouldn't have become a writer.

I would have become the quarterback for the Eagles.

They wouldn't have had much of a choice but to draft me at that point, really, considering I would have thrown this book hard enough to brain Dan Brown from several states away.

Comments

[lady-shain.livejournal.com]

Ok, ok....so why, exactly does Dan Brown deserve a hardcover to the back of the head?

Just curious. It's not the best I've read, but I found it to be an enjoyable read - fluffy, with some interesting ideas..

[apocalypsos.livejournal.com]

It's losing me somewhere between the constant "the curator/the seventy-six-year-old man"-ing and the way it feels like nothing's happening when something actually IS happening.

[spyderqueen.livejournal.com]

The languagelog has been having a BLAST mocking Dan Brown's "style".

[blacksatinrose.livejournal.com]

...

So I shouldn't buy it, then? :D

[gruyere.livejournal.com]

I point you to this. With luck, you shall laugh.

[gruyere.livejournal.com]

And this, too.

[faith21.livejournal.com]

Wow, it's like something from fanfiction.net

[germankitty]

(In through a LiveJournal post)

I resent that. I post at fanfiction.net, and I think I can write better than that.

[ex-zombieham605.livejournal.com]

Argh, yes! I don't understand all this fuss about a book that's absolutely unreadable! I tried the Da Vinci Code and couldn't get more than a couple chapters in because of the shitty prose.

[apocalypsos.livejournal.com]

Dude, it's painful. If I have to see "the curator" one more time, I'm going to bang my head off something. You gave him a name, Brown, use it. Sheesh.

[squee1123.livejournal.com]

it was that bad? heh...there are so many kids at my school reading it and I'm just like fuck that. I'll rent the movie when its out.

[apocalypsos.livejournal.com]

It's just written so badly. There's so many beginner's mistakes in this thing, and I'm only a few pages in right now.

[catystorm.livejournal.com]

I can't believe I actually made it through the entire book.

I have a feeling it's just me, but there was really nothing shocking about the book, and I saw all the plot twists coming a mile out. A couple of the riddles were mildly interesting, but that's about it.

Don't get me started on involving Nicholas Flamel in the Priory of Sion. I knew I wouldn't get through the book without any alchemical connections, but WTF.

[treelines.livejournal.com]

AMEN.

[veronamay.livejournal.com]

I just sort of squinted my way past the awful writing to look at the larger plot, which is a nice treasure hunt/religious fuckery piece, IMO. It does read like really bad fanfic, I agree, but worth the read nonetheless.

I am scared of the movie, though. Ron Howard + Tom Hanks is NEVER good news, but I have to go because of Paul fucking Bettany as Silas. The things I'll do for that man....

[secretbutterfly.livejournal.com]

Heh. Based on this post alone, I think my dad would love you. He's a minister, btw. He loathes that book. Says it reads like a video game where you have to search for pieces of crap along the way. lol. That and all the innaccuracies so glaring that he couldnt even begin to suspend his disbelief...lol

YES

[jane-westin.livejournal.com]

It's so poorly written, it makes me tremble with rage! I couldn't make it through the first ten pages. The movie was almost as bad (except for Audrey Tatou).

GRRRRR. dan brown. GRRRRRR.

[xphoenixrising.livejournal.com]

I like a good conspiracy story so I thought it was an okay book. Not a big fan of him but it wasn't all that dull.

[azurelunatic]

I am also able to use the "this is trashfic, not good writing, so let's settle in for the ride" button in my head.

[amalthia]

if people like thrillers they should read the Repairman Jack series by Paul Wilson. there's a mystery in each novel, action, humor, romance, horror...it's fucking awesome and I honestly had a hard time putting down his his stories. Also one of the best characters ever....um okay I just don't get why this guy Mr. Brown is getting all sorts of attention when there are better stories out there and I have a bitch of a time finding people who've even heard of the Paul Wilson or the Repairman Jack series.

[meredevachon]

F. Paul Wilson love!!! Repairman Jack is awesome! And I really hope they get the script stuff straightened out soon so we can get the first movie. I really need to know who "He Who Must Not Be Named Under Pain of Death" is. It's driving me bonkers not knowing, and I can't wait to see Jack on the big screen.

FPW is definitely a better writer than Dan Brown.

[phaballa.livejournal.com]

AMEN. This is exactly what I told my friends when they were all very perplexed that I was able to put the book down and not need to know what happened now, omg. Because the writing is SO terrible that the plot gets lost in his extraneous elevator descriptions and heavy handed "I know sooooo much about Paris" paragraphs.

[apocalypsos.livejournal.com]

Oh a very selfish level, I keep thinking, "Jesus, I'm not published yet but this is?"

*whimper* Where the hell is my booze?

(Wait, wait, my Supernatural playlist just put on "Carry On Wayward Son". *happy sighs* Better.)

[rose-in-texas.livejournal.com]

I didn't read it. I did something much, much worse. I rented the book on CD for a long trip. Oh, my goodness. I kept trying to edit in my head so that it would be better, and I just couldn't help that poor sucker along.

[laughingacademy.livejournal.com]

“You’ve just won the Super Bowl! What now?”

“I’m going to metaquotes!”

[coyotegoth.livejournal.com]

BWA- winner! :D

[sadiekate.livejournal.com]

Oy vey. I work in a bookstore, and EVERY DAY, people come in and tell me how much they looooooooooved The Da Vinci Code, like they are in a special club of forty billion people. These are often the same people that bitch about the price of a cappucino, and bring forty books into the cafe and leave them there. In other words, they are all people who need to be punched in the face.

You know, someone gave me that book for my birthday a few years ago. I think maybe they just don't like me.

[apocalypsos.livejournal.com]

I feel a little sorry for my mom, because the next time I talk to her she's going to say, "Oh, wasn't it great?", to which I'm going to have to admit that I'd rather have brain surgery under the sedation of three weak cups of coffee than keep reading this.

[sabra-n.livejournal.com]

When I read that book I was in my third week away from the States, so I was just just grateful for something in English. I went through it in a couple of days and thought it was harmless. Then I read Angels and Demons and even my stupid detector went off. I think Dan Brown basically constructed a giant Mad Lib and filled different historical figures and artworks in the blanks to make those two books.

-blue

[okelay.livejournal.com]

i read a few pages of this when it came out and thought it didn't impress me.
now that the movie's out, a friend is begging me to go with her (she loves tom hanks) and i can't see a best seller-turned-movie until i've read the book, so i decided to do it.
couldn't find the book (i'm not gonna buy it!) so i got the audio book. is less painful. i get distracted a lot thoigh but at least is easier to imagine and focus on the plot and characters .

one thing i have hated so far is that he's tried to shove down my throat some ust between sophie and langdon. i don't see it at all. and he keeps making remarks about it. if the connection is there, you don't have to put a big neon sign saying "hey! look!!! they like each other!"
other thing is the novel happening in less than a day. it's like 24 turned into a book.

i'll finish it, and i'll watch the movie, and i'll never waste my time with dan brown again.

seriously, i've seen better things written by 15-years-old on ff.net
and they don't get paid millions

[rionaleonhart]

Ooh, you just wait until you get to Brown flaunting his knowledge through Langdon and having his Generic Students gasp and clasp their hands in sparkly-eyed admiration.

[lil1pinay.livejournal.com]

I remember reading it for the first time a year or so ago and liking it. I thought it was an interesting story.

And then, about a month ago, I picked it up again right after reading The Rule of Four, which everyone had said was better than The Da Vinci Code. But since I couldn't remember damn near anything about it except the thing that has the Church in an uproar, and since the movie was coming out anyway, I figured I'd read it again to compare.

I couldn't get past the first page. I literally looked at it in disbelief and racked my brain trying to remember how I'd been able to get through it before. WTF!

[phoebesmum.livejournal.com]

Keep going. It really does get worse. By the last couple of hundred pages, you will literally be banging your head against the nearest available flat surface waiting for the genius heroes to solve the final clue.

[trishalynn.livejournal.com]

Are we talking "The Eye of Argon" type of worse? Because that can be a worse that's so bad it's good!

[laurenmitchell.livejournal.com]

Came here from Metaquotes just to say wordy mcword with an extra side of word. Thank gods there are other people out there who don't think Dan Brown is the greatest thing since Laurell K. Hamilton's would-be-erotica-if-it-weren't-so-BAD.

[shevralay.livejournal.com]

I concur. I really hate this book, and everybody in my English class thinks I'm nuts because of it.