(no subject)

[apocalypsos]

I seriously wonder why I catch myself watching Charmed sometimes. (Note to self -- Their Whitelighter is a sexy bastard, remember?) Every time I watch, Piper pisses me off like you wouldn't believe. If I flip it on one more time to hear her whining about wanting a normal life, I'm going to throw large, heavy objects at the TV.

Here, let me help you out, Piper. If you want a normal life, here's what you have to do:

Shoot Paige. Strangle Phoebe. Drown Wyatt in the bathtub, and since they keep whacking the audience upside the head with a specially patented "Chris is Wyatt!!!" two-by-four, that'll take care of him. Finally tell off Leo in such a way as to actually get rid of him. Sell your powers on the black market. Cut all your hair off, move to Alaska, work at a truck stop, and for the love of frosted donuts, stop talking through your tight little smile like you have a terminal case of lockjaw. Normal people don't talk like that unless they've just been to the dentist or doctor or whomever to get their jaw wired shut.

Oh, and kill Phoebe again once for me. Someday, someone will explain to me why a woman who thinks a bikini top and crotch-ridin' pants are business casual at a freaking newspaper even has strappy tan lines. I imagine she wanders around the Manor on off days totally nude and thinking it's totally casual.

Okay, so maybe I don't imagine it ... *user shudders* ... except now, by accident, and ewwwwww.

Ooo, and did I mention? I have Cheetos-flavored lip balm!

There's a Very Special law of the universe somewhere that's being broken to make this taste good. And, no, I'm not eating the lip balm ...

*ueer squirms*

... anymore.

Shut up.

Comments

[dragonsinger.livejournal.com]

1) Which Whitelighter is a sexy bastard because both of them are pretty hot.

2) I know. This season so isn't the best. They should have kept Piper and Leo together. And what is with this new focus on wanting a normal life? What happened to the choice they made at the end of season four? *Sigh*

3) Oh, I know. Phoebe is my least favorite. I do wish she'd wear some more clothes.

[apocalypsos.livejournal.com]

1.) Chris. He's nummy. Although Leo won me back after that warrior outfit in the first episode.

2.) That would be the Charmed Continuity Monster at work. It's rather like the Cookie Monster, except at the end of every Charmed episode, it eats the script so that the writers have nothing to work from.

Oh, and I bet that the writers are kicking themselves in the ass about breaking up Piper and Leo now that Holly Marie Combs is pregnant. ;)

3.) Have you ever read the TWoP summaries for Charmed? The guy who writes them absolutely despises Phoebe. The downside is he continually rips into Leo. But hey, Phoebe mockage!

[dragonsinger.livejournal.com]

I might have to read those just for the Phoebe mockage.

Why I Watch Charmed:

[teenygozer.livejournal.com]

1) To make fun of the hair. Seriously, I've rescued sad cats off the street with better hair than what's on top of these women's heads.

2) To make fun of the clothes, especially Phoebe's outfits. I still remember the time Phoebe showed up in a tiara and painter's pants with strange lace insets, topped by a blouse with sleeves but no shoulders. And she's only gotten worse over the years.

The fact that these women are actually rather attractive when dressed and coiffed as themselves in the WB blackouts between commercials tells me that the Charmed makeup, hair and costumers are doing this on purpose, though why I cannot tell. Hatred of attractive women, perhaps?

3) To lament the loss of the evil sexy bastard who left to star in Nip/Tuck. So much so that my husband, who will genially ignore me as I loudly insult the Three's hair & clothes, will eventually stop ignoring me and attempt to kill me.

What??? Chris is *Wyatt*??? It's all so clear now! (Smacks self upside head.)

Piper was much better off when she was the Middle Child and elder sis had the tight little smile of Oldest Sibling Responsibility. Shannon Dougherty's face and personality was better-suited to the bitterness anyway.

Re: Why I Watch Charmed:

[apocalypsos.livejournal.com]

God, that new haircut of Phoebe's . . . somewhere, Kyan from Queer Eye is drinking heavily and weeping bitter tears at that haircut.

And dude, if I knew I was going to be chasing demons on a daily basis, tit-slings and crotch-riders would so not be my attire of choice. At least Piper wears clothes that lean towards sensible, but then again, she has a baby. Which, if I'm supposed to imply something from the costumers, means that babies spew more noxious substances than demons, succubi, trolls, etc. Good to know, really. *nods solemnly*

And the Chris-is-Wyatt speculation makes an enormous amount of sense, but they haven't actually said it on the show. At least, I don't think they have. Probably so that later the writers can change their minds and make him a demon and feel all clever.

[sabbysteg.livejournal.com]

Where did you buy Cheetos lip balm?

[apocalypsos.livejournal.com]

Claire's Boutique. I also got Hot Tamales lip balm, which wasn't as strong as I would have liked but was still pretty tasty.

[sabbysteg.livejournal.com]

Thanks!