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Nov. 3rd, 2003 07:07 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
apocalypsosI seriously wonder why I catch myself watching Charmed sometimes. (Note to self -- Their Whitelighter is a sexy bastard, remember?) Every time I watch, Piper pisses me off like you wouldn't believe. If I flip it on one more time to hear her whining about wanting a normal life, I'm going to throw large, heavy objects at the TV.
Here, let me help you out, Piper. If you want a normal life, here's what you have to do:
Shoot Paige. Strangle Phoebe. Drown Wyatt in the bathtub, and since they keep whacking the audience upside the head with a specially patented "Chris is Wyatt!!!" two-by-four, that'll take care of him. Finally tell off Leo in such a way as to actually get rid of him. Sell your powers on the black market. Cut all your hair off, move to Alaska, work at a truck stop, and for the love of frosted donuts, stop talking through your tight little smile like you have a terminal case of lockjaw. Normal people don't talk like that unless they've just been to the dentist or doctor or whomever to get their jaw wired shut.
Oh, and kill Phoebe again once for me. Someday, someone will explain to me why a woman who thinks a bikini top and crotch-ridin' pants are business casual at a freaking newspaper even has strappy tan lines. I imagine she wanders around the Manor on off days totally nude and thinking it's totally casual.
Okay, so maybe I don't imagine it ... *user shudders* ... except now, by accident, and ewwwwww.
Ooo, and did I mention? I have Cheetos-flavored lip balm!
There's a Very Special law of the universe somewhere that's being broken to make this taste good. And, no, I'm not eating the lip balm ...
*ueer squirms*
... anymore.
Shut up.
Here, let me help you out, Piper. If you want a normal life, here's what you have to do:
Shoot Paige. Strangle Phoebe. Drown Wyatt in the bathtub, and since they keep whacking the audience upside the head with a specially patented "Chris is Wyatt!!!" two-by-four, that'll take care of him. Finally tell off Leo in such a way as to actually get rid of him. Sell your powers on the black market. Cut all your hair off, move to Alaska, work at a truck stop, and for the love of frosted donuts, stop talking through your tight little smile like you have a terminal case of lockjaw. Normal people don't talk like that unless they've just been to the dentist or doctor or whomever to get their jaw wired shut.
Oh, and kill Phoebe again once for me. Someday, someone will explain to me why a woman who thinks a bikini top and crotch-ridin' pants are business casual at a freaking newspaper even has strappy tan lines. I imagine she wanders around the Manor on off days totally nude and thinking it's totally casual.
Okay, so maybe I don't imagine it ... *user shudders* ... except now, by accident, and ewwwwww.
Ooo, and did I mention? I have Cheetos-flavored lip balm!
There's a Very Special law of the universe somewhere that's being broken to make this taste good. And, no, I'm not eating the lip balm ...
*ueer squirms*
... anymore.
Shut up.
