Because I'm watching "Pride and Prejudice" while I'm eating breakfast ...

[apocalypsos]

Five fictional characters I want to punch in the face:

1. Lydia Bennet (Pride and Prejudice) -- First and foremost. A LOT. She makes me want to go hug my little brother because I have nightmares where I ended up with a little sister instead and she was just like that.

2. Anita Blake (Anita Blake books) -- I suppose I could say this because it's the next best thing to smacking LKH upside the head to knock some sense into her, but instead I say this because up until I stopped suffering through the books I was completely and thoroughly sick of watching her be torn between Richard and Jean-Claude while taking at least one chance per book to casually remark that she would probably die before she hit thirty. Jesus, dude, then JUMP THEM BOTH.

3. Piper (Charmed) -- Okay, look, I liked Piper, all right? But if I had to hear the phrase "a normal life" come out of her mouth one more time I was going to reach through the screen and throttle her. Seriously, woman, there is no possible way your family is going to have a normal life. Knock it off. Every so often when life's got you down and demons are threatening to eat your children ... okay, yeah, sure, wish all you want. But every other episode? C'mon.

4. Walter (Ugly Betty) -- The only character on Ugly Betty that I've never liked, not once, not totally. I was thrilled to see him go. Bye, blemish on my show.

5. The Chief (Grey's Anatomy) -- I wasn't going to include a Grey's character since I've bitched too much about the show already the past few weeks, but if his reasons for the chief resident and chief of surgery decisions are what Shonda said on her blog they are sexist, illegal, and condescending and he should be amazed I don't want to do more to him.

Honorable mention: Sam Winchester. Not that I hate him at ALL, but ... seriously, when am I ever going to be able to punch a muscular six-and-a-half-foot guy in the face AND make Dean Winchester laugh all at the same time? \o/ (Granted, this would require setting up a ladder. See, this is why I'm pretty sure Dean would sprain something laughing. "Dude, you got punched by a midget." *snickers*)

Comments

[notrafficlights.livejournal.com]

That's got to be bad for digestion. Which version?

[apocalypsos.livejournal.com]

The Keira Knightly version. I really should get the BBC version, too, since I like both of them for different reasons. (I adored Colin Firth as Darcy but -- God help me -- I like Keira better as Elizabeth, even though watching her in anything makes me want to go eat a sandwich. Or twelve.)

[clex_monkie89.livejournal.com]

Your honorable mention wins. Dean would pay good money to see Sam get socked by a midget. Hell, he'd probably even spend his own money if it was you too. ("She was a little girl!" "Shut up, Dean.")

[apocalypsos.livejournal.com]

"She could fit in your pocket!"
"Dean ..."
"Did it feel like a bug bite?"
"Dean ..."
"I bet if you hit her on the head she'd turn into forty gold coins."
"DEAN!"

Me and my tiny ineffectual fists ... we're a real threat. :)

[clex_monkie89.livejournal.com]

"I bet if you hit her on the head she'd turn into forty gold coins."

Okay; that right there wins even more.

[apocalypsos.livejournal.com]

Heh. One of my favorite lines from a stand-up routine EVER. I use it all the time to joke about my supervisor at work (the only person there shorter than I am) all the time. :)

[clex_monkie89.livejournal.com]

I'm so gonna have to use that on my brother's girlfriend; she barely clears the five foot mark (Which is hilarious because he's 6'2).

[apocalypsos.livejournal.com]

Hee. My uncle's 6'4" and his wife is 4'10". Watching them dance together at the wedding reception was the funniest thing EVER. :)

[clex_monkie89.livejournal.com]

Wow. That's the kind of thing that makes me giggle just to picture. She's almost human-sized!

[spyderqueen.livejournal.com]

That's like the most awesome microfic ever.

[lilacsigil.livejournal.com]

Oh Lydia Bennett, you monster. Every book I read that features a number of sisters makes me even gladder that I only have brothers.

Sadly, I think Anita Blake has gone way past needing a punch in the face. Maybe a kick up the arse would help, or at least get her out of heat for five seconds.

[apocalypsos.livejournal.com]

At the very least I think having a teenage sister would have made me move out of my parents' house WAY sooner. If he had turned out anything like my teenage cousin I wouldn't have been able to handle it. I love my cousin but she's about fourteen right now and a little goes a LOOOOONG way. God, I cannot WAIT for her to grow up.

The funniest thing was that when my mom got pregnant I was dead set on getting a sister, up until the point when my mom told me she planned to name the baby April if it was a girl. I couldn't change my mind to wanting a baby brother fast enough. (Not only did I hate the name back then but dude, my brother was due in April. Born in April and named April? That's just mean.)

[lilacsigil.livejournal.com]

My youngest brother, if he was a girl, was going to be called Hilary Roslyn. Instead, he had the lucky escape of "James"!

But April is pretty bad. I knew an April, born in April, and she was more than a little addled. And she collected ducks - not figurines, actual ducks.

[gehayi.livejournal.com]

While Piper's maddening repetition of "a normal life" got to me, the ones I want to punch from Charmed are Phoebe (for the never-ending Cole arc and for overuse of the word "empath"), Leo (for having the worst identity crisis of any angel anywhere--how many times did he have to remind himself that he was a Whitelighter/Elder/Avatar/mortal, anyway?) and Billie (for being annoying and completely unnecessary).

[apocalypsos.livejournal.com]

Oh, yeah. The cast of Charmed should have just formed a line or something. There was something to loathe about almost all of them, even if you liked the show.

I wanted to punch all of the sisters for the wardrobe choices they wore in the last few seasons. It's really apparent in the reruns because at least in the ones with Prue they look like they know they might have to be in battle and be physical, and yet at the same time they all look like they could be going to their respective jobs in their clothes. Phoebe alone was a dress-code nightmare -- once Demian dropped the phrase "cooter tat" into my brain it never left and screamed through my brain every time she wore a pair of pants that rode so low we nearly saw Brazil. But hey, at least they were hot while they were running into battle in four-inch heels, mini-skirts and belly-baring tank tops! (I feel like I'm being such a prude when I complain about this, but it reminds of watching Buffy and how she was usually fashionable and sexy but also sensible at the same time.)

Leo was ruined for me the minute Demian referred to his bitchface as a chimpanzee face. It was way too apt a term to describe the expression.

[gehayi.livejournal.com]

Oh, God, yes. The Constipated Chimpanzee Face Of Unbearable Angst And Torment. Most perfect description of Leo's expression EVER.

(I feel like I'm being such a prude when I complain about this, but it reminds of watching Buffy and how she was usually fashionable and sexy but also sensible at the same time.)

Amen, sister. Who should we blame for the appalling fashion choices on Charmed? Aaron Spelling? Brad Kern? Eilish? The Source of All Evil?...no, wait, that's Kern again.

once Demian dropped the phrase "cooter tat" into my brain it never left and screamed through my brain every time she wore a pair of pants that rode so low we nearly saw Brazil.

You too, huh? CURSE YOU, DEMIAN!

[rose-in-texas.livejournal.com]

If you hate Anita as much as I do, you might want to consider joining this community:

http://community.livejournal.com/lkh_lashouts

You have to join to read the really snarkalicious stuff, but it's an unkind place:)

[apocalypsos.livejournal.com]

HEE. I love going to that comm every once in a while to make me feel better about my own writing, and it's a good warning to never behave like that if when I ever get published. Seriously, if when I get published and I behave like that at a book signing you all have my permission to tell me I'm being an idiot.

I really do have to join, too. :)

[ladyelaine.livejournal.com]

I've read a grand total of ONE LKH book. Years later, my Inner Editor(tm) is still under protest.

Ye gawds.

[mellaithwen]

3. And then completely ignoring the baby. What was his name again? Wyatt's little brother? Only ever referred to as "oh no his diaper needs changing" baby...OH YEAH THAT'S RIGHT; CHRIS. The guy who saved the FUTURE uch.

But then out of all three, not including skank-whore Billie, Piper was probably the only bearable sister.

[apocalypsos.livejournal.com]

Dude, you know it's bad when most of the time the toddler is watching the baby more than any of the adults. I had this sneaking suspicion it was backlash from Alyssa one of the cast because Drew Fuller and Chris had such a great reception and as soon as they wrote him off the show the fans were begging to know when he'd come back.

And yeah, Piper was the most bearable one and yet that one little thing just found my last little nerve and stomped up and down on it. Meanwhile Phoebe was always so busy tramping it up and Paige was doing this embarrassing lip-flapping, eye-rolling version of Sam's bitchface most of the time. And Billie just ... *sigh* I try not to think about Billie too much. I'm a happier, much more contented person that way.

[mellaithwen]

Only decent episode of s7 was his guest appearance. Every now and again Piper would go off on one of her speeches to Leo and end up saying SON forgetting she has TWO.

I remember Prue MORE than Paige even though the latter was there longer, that's how useless she was. Ah, when I heard it was going to be someone from 8 Simple Rules I thought it would be the OTHER one, not the blonde *facepalm*

[jellicle.livejournal.com]

Every time I watch an old episode my reaction is "damn,I miss Prue!". I even miss old Phoebe!
And don't get me started on the Chris issue, I had too many headaches due to the fact that they practically forgot them (this is even the plot of a never finished fic of mine).
And well, Billie who?

[mellaithwen]

Old Phoebe, yes, when she was a screw up desperate for her older sister's approval; then she was bearable. When she wore bunches...

[apocalypsos.livejournal.com]

When she wore bunches...

Ah, the good old days when I didn't know her hipbones just as intimately as the long and varied list of her slampieces. *happy sigh*

[mellaithwen]

and her "tan" *coughcough* didn't make her look like a shrivelled up prune

[jellicle.livejournal.com]

I would definitely Lydia, too! Geez, what a stupid brat! I wanted to throttle her!
I also wanted to hit Piper, too, specially in the last two seasons, but I still wanted to punch Phoebe more.

And Sam... oh Sam.

[apocalypsos.livejournal.com]

I keep picturing Lydia and Wickham in twenty years being exactly like Mr. and Mrs. Palmer in Sense and Sensibility, except really, really poor. :)

[foxxydancr.livejournal.com]

If I were to punch anyone from Pride and Prejudice, it would be the mother. Every time I read or watch it, I call my mom to thank her for not sucking that much.

[apocalypsos.livejournal.com]

The weird thing is that I kinda get the mom. I mean, okay, she's definitely irritating but she does have a point when she tells Lizzie to just wait until she has five daughters who need to be married up and see how SHE behaves. And granted, it's Elizabeth -- I doubt she'd ever act like that, but when you're not Elizabeth, when you're living in this time and you're not particularly smart or rich or busy and you have these five daughters who needs husbands but don't have dowries, I'm not surprised she acts like this. She's an airhead taken to desperate extremes. I get where she's coming from.

Lydia kills me because she's insanely immature and naive and I get the distinct impression every time I see her portrayed that she's one of those characters who's never going to grow out of that, even with a ginormous ass of a husband like Wickham to train some sense into her through experience.

[aerwynblue.livejournal.com]

Would it still count as reading if I listened to the book on my mp3 player while I'm working? 'Cause I work 2 jobs & don't have time to actually read.

What's my point? Nothing, really, except I-um-haven't read "Pride and Prejudice."

Also-I tried watching "Charmed" all of 3 times-the pilot, the epi w/Peter Wingfield sneering his way through the whole thing, until the b*tch blew him up; and the final epi-YAY! Dunno-show just rubbed me the wrong way, must've been the way they butchered one of my favorite Smiths song. Hey, what can I say? I'm a child of the '80s.

Y'know, you don't have to strain yourself by climbing that ladder-I'll go down on my hands and knees behind Sam and you can shove him backwards. It's sneaky, but a classic move, and I'm nothing if not sneaky. Plus, I think Dean would approve.

Sorry, didn't mean to be so chatty.

[mcee.livejournal.com]

Not that I hate him at ALL, but ... seriously, when am I ever going to be able to punch a muscular six-and-a-half-foot guy in the face AND make Dean Winchester laugh all at the same time? \o/

HAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAAHAHAHA, awesome. ♥

[storydivagirl.livejournal.com]

1. Lydia Bennet (Pride and Prejudice) -- First and foremost.

Is there anyone who likes that character? Good God. I'd kill her. Just KILL HER.

And dude, Walter cheated on Betty and dumped her in the pilot. I never got over that on her behalf. PLus, Henry...

[apocalypsos.livejournal.com]

I got why Betty went out with him -- I mean, her low self-esteem in that arena means she'd take what she could get before Henry came along -- but I really wanted to reach through the screen and grab her and tell her she was worth so much more than that idiot.

[aurora]

but if his reasons for the chief resident and chief of surgery decisions are what Shonda said on her blog they are sexist, illegal, and condescending and he should be amazed I don't want to do more to him.
Oh, do you have a link to that? I don't think I've ever visited her blog.

[apocalypsos.livejournal.com]

Right here is the last post about the finale. It just feels so condescending and awkward -- very "you're just interrogating the text from the wrong perspective!". *sigh*

[aurora]

Thanks for the link!

*reads*

But, like I said, what the women start to see this season is that maybe they may not necessarily be able to have it all.
WOW. No, seriously, why is the Chief the best judge of whether Bailey will or will not be able to keep her family life and profession in balance? God, it's not like everyone has to fuck up like him.

[apocalypsos.livejournal.com]

Exactly. Bailey has shown absolutely no indication that her marriage and home life are in danger. Because she sings her son to sleep over the phone? Because she spends eighty hours a week at work? Those aren't indications that her family life is in jeopardy, it's a sign that she's a busy career woman who loves her son and husband. Until her husband comes in to tell her she has to come home or files for divorce or anything, she might actually be capable of being a mom, a wife and a surgeon. You know, considering she's not wasting a bunch of time cheating on her husband with a co-worker like SOME chiefs of surgery.

Of course, since her family life is NONE OF HIS FUCKING BUSINESS, it really shouldn't matter.

Oh, and Shonda calls herself a feminist. A pretty impressive feat considering how difficult it must be to find dresses that fit balls that big.

[ktmobile.livejournal.com]

2. YES! And LKH is, if it's possible, worse. I saw her speak last October at a con here in St. Louis and she is one of the most arrogant celebrities I've ever seen. As my friend so aptly put it, "Both she and her husband think she's the greatest thing on earth." *puke*

Since she lives around here I have fantasies about running into her one day on the street and yelling at her about turning what was a good series (in the first couple books) into a orgy... A BORING orgy. (Of course I'd never have the ovaries to do such a thing. I'd probably just stare and imagine punching her in the face.)