apocalypsos | Blaaaaaargh.

A few things:

1. On Serious Literature, by Ursula K. LeGuin. Awesome.

2.

affectingly, have you seen this Kelly Clarkson picture? It's on Go Fug Yourself, but it's a Well Played post. She looks so cute! Well, okay, she looks hot, but I seriously want to steal that dress.

3.

poisontaster, this week's Top Chef is the All-Star episode, where Season One and Season Two had a cook-off. I know I said not to watch Season Two, but this should be safe. Here's what you need to know:

Season One Competitors:

Harold: Cute in a grumbly takes-no-shit kind of a way. Signed up for Top Chef but kind of rolled his eyes at a lot of the challenges with a lot of comments like, "I'm not a _______. I'm a chef, dude." But, you know, in a way that didn't make you want to punch him. Won the first season, and for good damn reason, and proceeded to take his prize money and start planning out his restaurant so fast he made mention of it at the very end of the season one finale, which was kind of awesome.

Stephen: The really pale dorky-looking sommelier from the second "Restaurant Wars" episode this season. Is very uptight and has a tendency to ramble on forever and ever and EVER about wine and where it comes from and why it's the greatest thing in the world. Has a reputation for making his recipes about as complicated as possible just 'cause. Got kicked off right before the episode where they used the fabulous truffles and really awesome wine, which led to a lot of us sitting back and feeling really sorry for him, in a giggly sort of way. Got smashed at the reunion episode on champagne with Lee Anne and apologized to the girl he'd had a fight with earlier in the season, which endeared him to a few more people whose bad side he'd previously been on.

Tiffani: Came in second in season one. Was pretty much reviled for being a ridiculous bitch until the second season full of asstards rolled around and we realized, "Oh, no, wait, she's not a BAD witch, she's a GOOD witch! Just like Glinda, 'cept if you pissed her off, she'd shove that wand right up your ass!" Was actually a pretty good chef, other than that.

Dave: Is a histrionic crying gay teddy bear. Agonizes over everything. You know how Hung runs through the kitchen spastic and making with the Muppet arms all the time? Dave is like that. At one point in the first season, made a crack about how Harold and Stephen should just go make out somewhere, which ... erm, I may have taken the opportunity to write.

Lee Anne: Gorgeous Asian ball-busting chick. Made it to the final four, but couldn't compete in the cook-off because now she works for the show stocking the pantry and fridges and whatnot. Has a blog up on Bravo's site where she gets to talk smack about the contestants acting like goobers which is really kind of brilliant, and defended Marcel on this season's reunion episode when he wasn't there himself and the season two competitors decided to argue once again that since he was an annoying little twit he totally deserved to be wrestled out of bed at night, pinned to the floor and laughed at while they threatened to shave his head.

Season Two:

Ilan: Won season two. Is a complete dipshit. While Harold took his winnings and started planning a restaurant practically that second, Ilan is still "reviewing his options" nine months later. According to Ted Allen, "reviewing his options" translates to "sitting on his ass and using his fleeting celebrity to pick up chicks." Dressed during season two and continues to dress like it's the mid-90s and he's that smug popular dillhole you hated in senior year of high school who thinks every woman wants him. (They don't.) Can't seem to cook anything that isn't Spanish or loaded with saffron.

Marcel: Came in second. Is an annoying little twit. However, is a harmless annoying little twit who shuts up when you either verbally or physically smack him upside the head, so it's not like it's difficult to handle him. Some chick in a bar threw a bottle at him after the show because apparently he's the devil incarnate rather than an annoying little twit. Focuses on molecular gastronomy, which means he uses a lot of gums and powders and foams and never listen to him explain how any of his food is made because you won't want to eat it. Was sleeping on the couch in the apartment when the rest of the contestants left decided to shave his head and and then shave theirs, or shaved theirs and decided to shave his depending on if you believe the editing or not. Was hauled out of bed half-asleep by Cliff (a guy twice his size) and pinned to the floor while the others laughed at him. Cliff got kicked off for that genius maneuver. Chef Tom wanted to kick them all off and just hand the prize to Marcel that day, which is why I will always kind of love Chef Tom bunches even when he wears shoes without socks in the kitchen.

Sam: Is supposedly a hotass, since the show will not stop talking about how women find him attractive. Is actually kind of slimy and started a lot of passive-aggressive shit at Judges Table towards the end of season two.

Elia: Started season two with long pretty dark curls and a previous friendship/working relationship with Marcel where she defended him and acted like his friend when the others didn't. Ended the season bald and passive-aggressively accusing Marcel of everything from being a dipshit and cheating to ... I don't know, just generally eating babies or whatever.