Blaaaaaargh.

[apocalypsos]

A few things:

1. On Serious Literature, by Ursula K. LeGuin. Awesome.

2. affectingly, have you seen this Kelly Clarkson picture? It's on Go Fug Yourself, but it's a Well Played post. She looks so cute! Well, okay, she looks hot, but I seriously want to steal that dress.

3. poisontaster, this week's Top Chef is the All-Star episode, where Season One and Season Two had a cook-off. I know I said not to watch Season Two, but this should be safe. Here's what you need to know:

Season One Competitors:

Harold: Cute in a grumbly takes-no-shit kind of a way. Signed up for Top Chef but kind of rolled his eyes at a lot of the challenges with a lot of comments like, "I'm not a _______. I'm a chef, dude." But, you know, in a way that didn't make you want to punch him. Won the first season, and for good damn reason, and proceeded to take his prize money and start planning out his restaurant so fast he made mention of it at the very end of the season one finale, which was kind of awesome.

Stephen: The really pale dorky-looking sommelier from the second "Restaurant Wars" episode this season. Is very uptight and has a tendency to ramble on forever and ever and EVER about wine and where it comes from and why it's the greatest thing in the world. Has a reputation for making his recipes about as complicated as possible just 'cause. Got kicked off right before the episode where they used the fabulous truffles and really awesome wine, which led to a lot of us sitting back and feeling really sorry for him, in a giggly sort of way. Got smashed at the reunion episode on champagne with Lee Anne and apologized to the girl he'd had a fight with earlier in the season, which endeared him to a few more people whose bad side he'd previously been on.

Tiffani: Came in second in season one. Was pretty much reviled for being a ridiculous bitch until the second season full of asstards rolled around and we realized, "Oh, no, wait, she's not a BAD witch, she's a GOOD witch! Just like Glinda, 'cept if you pissed her off, she'd shove that wand right up your ass!" Was actually a pretty good chef, other than that.

Dave: Is a histrionic crying gay teddy bear. Agonizes over everything. You know how Hung runs through the kitchen spastic and making with the Muppet arms all the time? Dave is like that. At one point in the first season, made a crack about how Harold and Stephen should just go make out somewhere, which ... erm, I may have taken the opportunity to write.

Lee Anne: Gorgeous Asian ball-busting chick. Made it to the final four, but couldn't compete in the cook-off because now she works for the show stocking the pantry and fridges and whatnot. Has a blog up on Bravo's site where she gets to talk smack about the contestants acting like goobers which is really kind of brilliant, and defended Marcel on this season's reunion episode when he wasn't there himself and the season two competitors decided to argue once again that since he was an annoying little twit he totally deserved to be wrestled out of bed at night, pinned to the floor and laughed at while they threatened to shave his head.

Season Two:

Ilan: Won season two. Is a complete dipshit. While Harold took his winnings and started planning a restaurant practically that second, Ilan is still "reviewing his options" nine months later. According to Ted Allen, "reviewing his options" translates to "sitting on his ass and using his fleeting celebrity to pick up chicks." Dressed during season two and continues to dress like it's the mid-90s and he's that smug popular dillhole you hated in senior year of high school who thinks every woman wants him. (They don't.) Can't seem to cook anything that isn't Spanish or loaded with saffron.

Marcel: Came in second. Is an annoying little twit. However, is a harmless annoying little twit who shuts up when you either verbally or physically smack him upside the head, so it's not like it's difficult to handle him. Some chick in a bar threw a bottle at him after the show because apparently he's the devil incarnate rather than an annoying little twit. Focuses on molecular gastronomy, which means he uses a lot of gums and powders and foams and never listen to him explain how any of his food is made because you won't want to eat it. Was sleeping on the couch in the apartment when the rest of the contestants left decided to shave his head and and then shave theirs, or shaved theirs and decided to shave his depending on if you believe the editing or not. Was hauled out of bed half-asleep by Cliff (a guy twice his size) and pinned to the floor while the others laughed at him. Cliff got kicked off for that genius maneuver. Chef Tom wanted to kick them all off and just hand the prize to Marcel that day, which is why I will always kind of love Chef Tom bunches even when he wears shoes without socks in the kitchen.

Sam: Is supposedly a hotass, since the show will not stop talking about how women find him attractive. Is actually kind of slimy and started a lot of passive-aggressive shit at Judges Table towards the end of season two.

Elia: Started season two with long pretty dark curls and a previous friendship/working relationship with Marcel where she defended him and acted like his friend when the others didn't. Ended the season bald and passive-aggressively accusing Marcel of everything from being a dipshit and cheating to ... I don't know, just generally eating babies or whatever.

Comments

[quietdiscerning.livejournal.com]

wait wait wait. are you explaining REALITY TEEVEE to ERIN? who MOCKED me HORRIBLY every time i mentioned watching this show to her?????

HMPH.

thats kind of awesome.

/random.

hi jenn!

[apocalypsos.livejournal.com]

HA! I think I got her hooked on Top Chef. \o/

I told her never, EVER to watch Season Two because it's horrific. But season one must be obtained and foisted upon her. Oh, yes. (Hell, at the very least *I* have to obtain it. HAROLD! *swoons*)

I think we need to team up and force her to watch Project Runway if she hasn't already. Because, really, Top Chef is just a baby step towards the show with all the big gay fashion designers and Tim Gunn's complete and total awesomeness. :)

*smishes you*

[quietdiscerning.livejournal.com]

dude, you are clearly the shit. i could never get her to LISTEN. and yes totally, STAY AWAY from S2. i never even FINISHED watching it!

that is EXACTLY what we have to do! because it really really is! Top Chef paves the way for ANNNNDRAE and Tim and Daniel V and Santino.

*twirls us* oh MAN is there EVER gonna be a new season of PR? i miss it SO!

[apocalypsos.livejournal.com]

Somehow I managed to slog my way through to the S2 finale. I still occasionally have nightmares. GYAH. *gags*

Oh, dude! I should make a copy of my Season Two DVDs and send it to her! Andrae! Santino! Daniel V.! Tim Gunn! Santino's Tim impression! The motherfucking walkoff! *twirls*

And I keep checking to see if they've released the names of the contestants for season four yet, because I know there's a new season coming up right after the Top Chef finale. *squeals an anticipation*

[quietdiscerning.livejournal.com]

i just, i couldnt MAKE it. when you watch the show on permanent mute, there really is no reason to WATCH. GOD.

you should! in fact, you should make TWO copies! (MEMEMEMEME. ahem) seriously, there is no way not to love that season. the IMPRESSIONS. and the singing.

after all. its a motherfucking WALKOFF.

YES. see i was HOPING but i wasnt sure and you have now filled me with GLEEEEEE.

[apocalypsos.livejournal.com]

HA! I can totally make two copies. I just have to go pick up blank ones tomorrow and I should be able to send 'em out by the end of the day. :)

Aaaaaaaaand now I want to have a marathon of Season Two. *cuddles it to my chest* (I just ... I had to buy it. It is my favorite season of my favorite reality show. They DESERVED my money, damn it.)

I thought we were going to get one before new Top Chef because that's the way the pattern's gone so far (new PR, then new TC, then new whatever), but nope, we have to wait until this one is over. *sadface* I think they had to work around Tim's schedule which ... whatever, as long as it gets Project Runway AND Tim back, they can wait however long they have to. \o/

[quietdiscerning.livejournal.com]

joy! it is my favorite season as well. its just, SO AWESOME! \o/

yeah thats what i thought too and when they started advertising the new Top Chef i was all, WHAT NO!

but Tim Gunn is indeed a MUST for PR. he just IS.

when i was in NYC we drove past Parsons New School For Design and my squeaky noise was like, up into a dog's hearing range. hee.

[apocalypsos.livejournal.com]

Oh, man, when we went up to see my uncle in Massachusetts after he got his book published I said something about liking PR and my aunt was like, "Oh, that guy from there wrote a positive blurb for the back." And then I made squealy noises, and then she showed me, and then I made MORE squealy noises.

And at some point my uncle got to go read his book at Parsons, so I can only imagine he got to meet Tim Gunn while he was there.

I cling to that one degree of separation like a woman possessed. *beams*

[quietdiscerning.livejournal.com]

oh SWEET.

ahaha thats two degrees for me!

what was the book about?

[apocalypsos.livejournal.com]

It was about the history of blue jeans. My aunt used to work for Levi's, which is where he got the idea. He's working on his second book now -- the first one is up on Amazon here and one of these days I seriously have to scrape together the money and buy the dame thing.

[quietdiscerning.livejournal.com]

cool!

the only thing i remember about jeans steams from one of those learning books i had as a kid. and its irrevocably tied with the creation of ice cream cones for some reason.

[jedilora.livejournal.com]

I got my copy of Season 2 at the Museum of Fine Arts. On clearance! HooRAY!

Also, I heard rumour that Nina Garcia was pregnant and they couldn't film while she was due to medical reasons or something.

Ah well. At least we get Tim Gunn's new show next week. ::twitches:: It may only be methadone, but it's Silver Fox Brand Methadone.

[apocalypsos.livejournal.com]

Aw, poor Nina. I miss Nina being bitchy every week.

Okay, see, now I really WILL have to have a marathon of the show tomorrow.

It may only be methadone, but it's Silver Fox Brand Methadone.

You know that commercial where he's texting ideas for names of his new show? I love that commercial SO MUCH. It's the giddy little look on his face when "The Naked Gunn" pops up on screen. TIM, YOU HOUND. *snuggles him*

[jedilora.livejournal.com]

God, if only they'd actually NAMED it that.

Or the Clothed Gunn. Since that's what he's actually doing and so on.

....one of my friends keeps threatening to put me in for it. I told her that I would agree ONLY because it is Tim Gunn, and if she ever sicced the What Not To Wear jerks on me I would start wearing muumuus in revenge.

[poisontaster]

OKAY, I WAS WRONG, ALL RIGHT? Is that what you want to hear? Top Chef is AWESOME and I WAS WRONG. Didn't you see the whole meta I wrote a while ago about Top Chef??

[apocalypsos.livejournal.com]

*tries to die laughing quietly and fails miserably*

[poisontaster]

THANKS FOR OUTING ME, JENN! *glares*

[apocalypsos.livejournal.com]

I didn't mean to, I swear. (Look at the bright side -- at least we're not getting you hooked on CRAPPY reality TV, just the good stuff. :))

[quietdiscerning.livejournal.com]

*dances and twirls*

thanks jenn!!!!

[quietdiscerning.livejournal.com]

sweet sweet music baby.

and no, because i fail ive not been doing the FLIST thing, remember? but i will go look NOW, surely.

heeeeeheeeheee!

watch PR, watch PR, WATCH PR!

[poisontaster]

*sighs* It's like mpreg; I only get into these things because y'all BREAK DOWN my resistance.

The stuff I wrote (which is not really meta; I was crazy to call it that) is here.

What's PR?

[quietdiscerning.livejournal.com]

well, clearly we are ABLE to break you down cuz we are right and you are crazy!

project runway is PR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and it OWNS all the other reality shows!

[poisontaster]

Oh. Fashion. Yeah...I don't know about that... *sketchy eye*

[apocalypsos.livejournal.com]

Project Runway! It's like Top Chef except with big gay fashion designers!

I'm totally sending you a copy of season two, which is only one of the slashiest seasons of reality TV EVER. I blame Daniel V., this cute little gay boy who could have sexual chemistry with a mailbox.

[poisontaster]

*headdesks* I'm DOOMED.

[quietdiscerning.livejournal.com]

accept it.

love it.

[apocalypsos.livejournal.com]

Oh, I know the fashion thing is a little," ... Eh." But! But! It's really, really good. And it has Tim Gunn, who does Chef Tom's job except does it FABULOUSLY. And also the designers are fun and silly and drink a lot. And sometimes the dresses are REALLY pretty and you would sell your soul for them, and sometimes they're awful and ugly and you want to throttle the designers.

But you don't have to do anything, really. I will send you a copy to try it out, and you will sit back one rainy Sunday and drink and be transfixed by the wonder that is Tim Gunn.

[jedilora.livejournal.com]

Fricking FLEURCHONS/ROSETTES/HIDEOUS GRANNY CIRCLES.

[quietdiscerning.livejournal.com]

SHHHHH!!! shes pushing season TWO! not three!

[apocalypsos.livejournal.com]

Hey, now, season three had its moments. I mean, the puppy episode, Michael and Laura being complete-opposites friends, Kayne and Robert being snarky gay buddies during the Miss America challenge ...

Okay, Vincent was crazy and Angela was an idiot and Jeffrey was a tool, but STILL. It's just a matter of knowing what to avoid, like Keith stirring shit up and Jeffrey making Angela's mom cry.

[jedilora.livejournal.com]

Oh crazy Vincent. Having him get knocked out on that particular challenge when he'd spent the whole season going, 'Well I was in fashion in the EIGHTIES, so I am GOING to WIN. And possibly be TURNED ON. By my EIGHTIES FASHION WORK. And YOUR stuff. And your MOM. Wearing my CLOTHES. I will be TURNED ON.'

..fricking Vincent. Don't cast another Vincent, PR! No more Vincent! More semi-pro folk, less fully pro folk! Fully pro are far too put together!

[jedilora.livejournal.com]

Clearly, we must all hie and away to the Red Lobster.

[apocalypsos.livejournal.com]

It's where all the best people go to have loud breakups with their big gay boyfriends. *nods solemnly*

[apocalypsos.livejournal.com]

Oh, my God, I was watching season three the other day! "She's making something for the dog show. It looks like a big bag of Skittles." *snickers*

[quietdiscerning.livejournal.com]

it really really is! and if you can handle watching people make food you cant eat and then get DRAMATIC over it, then you can SO WATCH PR!

mmm daniel v.

[beanside.livejournal.com]

*points and laughs* It's okay, sweetie. Embrace the shame.

(also, yes, the all-star show was AWESOME)

*cuddle*

[affectingly.livejournal.com]

Heee! No, I hadn't see that yet. Thank you! Man, I love her... ♥_♥

[jedilora.livejournal.com]

Hey, not to sound like a creepy stalkertype or anything, but do you have a PO box or a mailing address?

See, I work in a fabric store. (It's like having an addict in a crackhouse, but I digress.) And we carry a variety of books and magazines. I may have had a mild flipout when Tim Gunn did an article in a quilting magazine a few months ago, and cursed our regulars who bought it out before I could get a copy. (Did I mention I digress?)

ANYWAY. There's a semi-new magazine called Sew Stylish. And this month's issue is all about using one pattern that they're putting out in conjunction with Simplicity to create an entire wardrobe. The editor freely admits the entire issue is inspired by Project Runway, and is clearly a big fashion geek all the time. And I kinda want to mail you a copy, because I know you'd appreciate it.

So yeah. And if you're ever in the Massachusetts Metrowest area, you should totally come see my store. Our fashion dept. isn't up on our website, which is why I'm not linking it, but oh man...this season's wools are so freaking TEMPTING.

[apocalypsos.livejournal.com]

Oh, my God, YES. *grabbyhands* Hold on, I'll email you.

Oh, man, I miss sewing. *wibbles* I totally have to see about getting the part I need to fix my sewing machine so that I can go back to making stuff again.

(Tim Gunn wrote a blurb for my uncle's book, which my uncle got to go to Parsons and have a reading of, and I cling to that one degree of separation with happy trembling fingers. :))

[jedilora.livejournal.com]

I have TWO machines! Although my sister swiped my little one for school, but then my roomate's mother/my coworker is offering to give me an ancient Singer to make up for that. It's so old it's not electrified!

Also since I'm moving, I have more space for sewing, so I might actually finish that wool suit I started last year. Or maybe just make a couple of skirts or something. Or maybe play with my new serger that I got when a customer bought a new one and decided she didn't want her old one anymore because it sticks every now and again. Not in a damaging way, just a slightly annoying one.

...did I mention I work in a crackhouse fabric store?

[agilebrit.livejournal.com]

This is apropos of nothing in your post, but I figured you'd be all over this:

Wastelands: Stories of the Apocalypse (http://www.tuginternet.com/jja/journal/archives/006145.html).

Hell, you probably know about it already, but in case you didn't, here's a heads-up. :)

[notrafficlights.livejournal.com]

Kelly Clarkson is possibly one of the sexiest women on the planet. And I like her music.

DOUBLE SCORE