I'm reading a bag of oranges. Now go away.

[apocalypsos]

How To Commit Suicide

Step One: Wait until I'm holding an open book in my hand.
Step Two: Walk up with a big dopey grin on your face and say, "Whatcha readin'?"

*stabbity*

You know what? It may come as a surprise, but if I'm in the middle of reading a book I probably don't want to be bothered. I don't expect to have anyone bugging me, I started reading it specifically because I had nothing to distract me from the story in question. I do not want to pitch the book to an editor or write a book review or start the Troll Princess's Book Club For Meandering Passersby at the bench for the bus stop. I just want to read my book.

(This lesson also works with a Step One that states, "Wait until I've put on the headphones for my MP3 player," and a Step Two that states, "Walk up and ask me, "Whatcha listenin' to?" Uh, something that means I'm incapable of hearing what you just asks me? Just a shot in the dark right there ...)

So, yeah, my night at work (and my failed attempts to read during breaks) was fun.

Also, the next person who waits until I'm trying to start an order and align a sticker machine and scan paperwork into the computer all at the same time before walking up to me and saying good-naturedly, "Don't work so hard," is going to get pimpsmacked into next week.

Comments

[mercymydarling.livejournal.com]

OH MY GOD I HATE THAT SO HARD.

There is this one waitress at work who comes and bothers me every cigarette break... just to annoy me about what I'm reading. "What're you reading today? How long will it take you to read that? How many books have you read this week? What's this one about?"

*stabbity*

[slave2tehtink.livejournal.com]

Here from metaquotes and OMG WORD. WORD WORD WORDITY WORD WORD.

I hatehatehate people who all of a sudden want to discuss my reading habits when I have a precious few minutes to pick up a book. I've heard all the "Well, they're just trying to be nice and start a conversation" excuses, all of which fail to take into account that if I wanted to be holding a conversation, I WOULD NOT BE HOLDING A BOOK.

*pantpantpant*

[smallship1.livejournal.com]

I'm getting the feeling here that walking up to you while you're doing anything is probably an iffy move (unless you were maybe holding up a big sign that said FOR GODS SAKE TALK TO ME). :)

Seriously, yes. Very much yes. Only not so much with the stabbity in my case, because I am nonviolent and British and probably get some sort of weird masochistic payoff out of putting up with these things.

[lemmypie.livejournal.com]

Oh welcome to my world. Usually one of the three males in my house.... there are 4 people total living in my home. Will wait until I'm deeply into something then ask me where something is. My first attempt is to tell them where I think said item is. Which of course fails, they will then proceed to "look" for said item and not find it. They are only happy when I get up and pick up the item which I might add was right in front of them the WHOLE TIME!!!!! Thusly my motivation for whatever I was doing is gone and the only thing left to do it watch TV..... But I won't get to pick the show.
Oh I'm sorry my bitter is showing all over your LJ. Sorry.

[wyldirishtric.livejournal.com]

Gah, I know how that goes. Man, I hate it. I agree also with the stabbity. I would always get the same thing in school. My own father would do it to me, and I hated it.

"Whatcha reading?"
"A book."

So very irritating.

[freyaw.livejournal.com]

I developed the habit of holding the book up so that they could read the front and back covers, and continuing reading. Even my grandmother gives up after a while.

[musyc]

Dear god, yes. That is so annoying. I nearly performed elective surgery on some idiot on the bus who actually took my headphones off to ask me what I was listening to. He looked offended when I explained quite loudly that the reason I had headphones on was so I didn't have to talk to people.

Headphones and ignoring? NOT TALKING TO YOU.
Book and ignoring? NOT TALKING TO YOU.

Go away, dammit.

[maryling.livejournal.com]

Ok, that person would be dead. DON'T TOUCH PEOPLE. That includes TOUCHING THE THINGS COVERING THEIR EARS.

[teenygozer.livejournal.com]

If I am in a large group of people wearing headphones AND reading a book, waiting for a bus or a train, I am *always* the person tourists will ask for directions. Never fails. They will talk directly in my face and not give up if I gesture futilely at my earphones. They will *poke* me if I'm too engrossed. It happens at least once a week.

[animamea.livejournal.com]

If I'm feeling friendly, I hold up the book a little higher and point at the title. If they ask what it's about, I point at the back cover and let them read it. If they haven't gotten the hint yet, I put my finger over my lips and shake my head to shush them.

If I'm not feeling friendly, or they refuse to be shushed, I will stare at them silently until they go away and/or leave.

I'm going to metaquote you, btw.

[animamea.livejournal.com]

...and/or *I* will leave.

Must need more caffeine...

[mercymydarling.livejournal.com]

...I am totally employing this strategy from now on.

[dorcas-gustine.livejournal.com]

Or when you're doodling something and they ALWAYS ask, "Who's that?"

IT'S NOT BLOODY ANYBODY!!! IT'S JUST A BLEEDING DRAWING OF A PERSON!!!!

[sparky-ld.livejournal.com]

It's even more fun when you're drawing random critters of indeterminate species.

"What's that?"
"Dunno. Just some random little critter."
"It's... a tiger, crossed with a dragon."
"...Okay."

[sabotabby]

I'm with you.

I've found Neil Gaiman is the worst. When I was reading American Gods on the way to work I was always being stopped by random guys who decided that I was the Perfect Woman^TM or something.

Next time I'm just going to answer, "PORN."

[silent-sybil.livejournal.com]

Yeah, 'cause that'll discourage them. ;P "Hahaha, really? What kind of porn? Do you... like porn?"

[birkentree.livejournal.com]

Gah! I didn't see this before I responded. *hides*

[soberloki.livejournal.com]

Augh, exactly!

I once (accidentally) gave a guy a bleeding nose with my book. I was reading in the school library, and he was RIGHT OVER MY SHOULDER, trying to see the page. I thought the THING I felt there was a bug or something, and I meant to whoosh it away with the pages, but I wound up clonking the guy in the face with the spine. Had to go to the office and everything, because he said I did it deliberately. Whiny idiot was on the basketball team, and I found out later that he'd been dared to kiss my cheek, which is what he was attempting when he got whapped.

[bf423.livejournal.com]

I hope you didn't get in trouble!! Shit like that always happened to be in school. Stupid fuckers.

[birkentree.livejournal.com]

In from metaquotes...

I have a simple solution. I read gay erotica.

"Whatya reading?"
"Porn."
"..."
"Wanna see?"

[sniper3.livejournal.com]

Except you have to specify gay porn. =D Otherwise it doesn't work.

[firehair28.livejournal.com]

Also wafted in from Metaquotes. Right there wit'ya.

I think my favorite one of these was the moron who plopped down next to me (while I was reading in the cafeteria), demanded my attention, and then started a stupidly long monologue about how his evening at the strip club had gone.("you know, there was this one girl - I could tell she really liked me..") When I finally, in a state of extreme crogglement, asked him why the HELL he was telling me this stuff, he told me - and I am totally not making this up - that he "felt sorry for me", because I was obviously SO BORED I WAS READING A BOOK.

GAH!

His response, when I said I actually *liked* to read? "Oh, god! Really? Wow, your life must be so shallow and empty!"

I was too dumbfounded to beat him to death with my paperback. I really should've. It would have been a mercy killing.

[confectionqueen.livejournal.com]

O_O
*screams in rage*
HOW. How can these people live?!
This comment reminded me of the movie idiocracy and how the world is headed for that future.

*bounces in from metaquotes*

[evaleastaristev.livejournal.com]

That is the worst thing ever!!! It has gotten to the point, some nights, of me actually hurling the paperback in question at someone. After that, people took the hint and left me alone. But stabbity feelings still ensue, and I have taken the tactic of simply moving the book up to where they can see the title and I can continue reading.

Ignoring subsequent questions has also brought results. Granted, those results are, more often than not, the person muttering "bitch" and walking away, if they be a stranger at a bus stop, but what do I care about their opinion of me? My friends know to leave me alone when I'm reading unless it's important, and that's all that matters.

[idealistagain.livejournal.com]

Ugh, I hate people like that who have no better sense than to bother you while you're reading.

Even worse are the damn missionaries who'll actually walk up to you while you're reading a book and try to hand you one of their pamphlets, usually accompanied by "Can I give you something to read?"

[sniper3.livejournal.com]

Keep a collection of pamphlets.
Respond with "Sure, wanna trade?"
Follow up by offering them a pamphlet from a rival church.

[okelay.livejournal.com]

if we all did that, i bet the iliteracy standards would go down pretty fast.
it'd be for the greater good!

it happens to me sometimes, that i go home and my two brothers are watching some sport on tv.
i sit on a sofa next to the stouve and try to read on my blackberry.

they choose to start asking me questions about said device "how does it work?", "is it useful?" ,"does it work as a phone?", "how much did it cost you?" ,"what are you doing with it?", "how can you read in there?"

if i try and sit down with a book it's "what is that?" ,"what's it about?", "where did you get it?", "how many times have you read it?", "why are you reading it again?"

i hate people who ask why am i reading it again.
like they think the whole point is to find out what happens in the book.

when i'm wearing headphones (meaning all the time) and people talk, mostly making small talk, i just sort of smile and walk away. if i'm in a good mood. otherwise they'll get a scowl before i walk away.

also, your coworkers? kinda jerks.

i really need a "i'm reading, fuck off" tshirt.

[bf423.livejournal.com]

I would buy that shirt!

[okelay.livejournal.com]

clearly, im bored.
it was too nice an image to make it say fuck off

[fyrdrakken]

Have you ever heard the Bill Hicks routine where he's talking about being in some diner reading and the waitress asks him, "Whatcha readin' fer?" It goes on from there, but it reminds me so damned much of high school (and a few football players who derived obvious amusement from pestering me when I was reading and ignoring them) and the way it trained me to react badly to people who want to talk to me about the book I'm reading while I'm trying to read it. (Sometimes I'd do the "hold the cover up so they can see it and keep reading" thing, but after a few occasions where my mother pried a book out of my fingers and started making catty remarks about the description on the back cover, I sometimes prefer to keep the cover flat on the table where it can't be seen.)

But, yeah. I've started to really come down on the side of the hypothesis that it's mostly men who are bored and want women to entertain them (especially with the guy referred to in the comment above who assumed a woman with a book must be horrendously bored and craving his attention). I am not at all fond of people whose solution to "finding something to do" tends to be "finding someone to pester for attention."

[bf423.livejournal.com]

People are so damn full of themselves that they really are shocked when they learn I'd rather read than have a pointless conversation with them.

Do I look like I give a fuck about the weather? Do I look like the damn weather channel?

I do not:

-know what time it is
-have change for a dollar
-know what time the bus/metro comes
-want to talk to you
-care
-want you near me

I could go on, but I will practice some restraint.