I'm reading a bag of oranges. Now go away.

[apocalypsos]

How To Commit Suicide

Step One: Wait until I'm holding an open book in my hand.
Step Two: Walk up with a big dopey grin on your face and say, "Whatcha readin'?"

*stabbity*

You know what? It may come as a surprise, but if I'm in the middle of reading a book I probably don't want to be bothered. I don't expect to have anyone bugging me, I started reading it specifically because I had nothing to distract me from the story in question. I do not want to pitch the book to an editor or write a book review or start the Troll Princess's Book Club For Meandering Passersby at the bench for the bus stop. I just want to read my book.

(This lesson also works with a Step One that states, "Wait until I've put on the headphones for my MP3 player," and a Step Two that states, "Walk up and ask me, "Whatcha listenin' to?" Uh, something that means I'm incapable of hearing what you just asks me? Just a shot in the dark right there ...)

So, yeah, my night at work (and my failed attempts to read during breaks) was fun.

Also, the next person who waits until I'm trying to start an order and align a sticker machine and scan paperwork into the computer all at the same time before walking up to me and saying good-naturedly, "Don't work so hard," is going to get pimpsmacked into next week.

Comments

[mercymydarling.livejournal.com]

OH MY GOD I HATE THAT SO HARD.

There is this one waitress at work who comes and bothers me every cigarette break... just to annoy me about what I'm reading. "What're you reading today? How long will it take you to read that? How many books have you read this week? What's this one about?"

*stabbity*

[smallship1.livejournal.com]

I'm getting the feeling here that walking up to you while you're doing anything is probably an iffy move (unless you were maybe holding up a big sign that said FOR GODS SAKE TALK TO ME). :)

Seriously, yes. Very much yes. Only not so much with the stabbity in my case, because I am nonviolent and British and probably get some sort of weird masochistic payoff out of putting up with these things.

[lemmypie.livejournal.com]

Oh welcome to my world. Usually one of the three males in my house.... there are 4 people total living in my home. Will wait until I'm deeply into something then ask me where something is. My first attempt is to tell them where I think said item is. Which of course fails, they will then proceed to "look" for said item and not find it. They are only happy when I get up and pick up the item which I might add was right in front of them the WHOLE TIME!!!!! Thusly my motivation for whatever I was doing is gone and the only thing left to do it watch TV..... But I won't get to pick the show.
Oh I'm sorry my bitter is showing all over your LJ. Sorry.

[wyldirishtric.livejournal.com]

Gah, I know how that goes. Man, I hate it. I agree also with the stabbity. I would always get the same thing in school. My own father would do it to me, and I hated it.

"Whatcha reading?"
"A book."

So very irritating.

[musyc]

Dear god, yes. That is so annoying. I nearly performed elective surgery on some idiot on the bus who actually took my headphones off to ask me what I was listening to. He looked offended when I explained quite loudly that the reason I had headphones on was so I didn't have to talk to people.

Headphones and ignoring? NOT TALKING TO YOU.
Book and ignoring? NOT TALKING TO YOU.

Go away, dammit.

[teenygozer.livejournal.com]

If I am in a large group of people wearing headphones AND reading a book, waiting for a bus or a train, I am *always* the person tourists will ask for directions. Never fails. They will talk directly in my face and not give up if I gesture futilely at my earphones. They will *poke* me if I'm too engrossed. It happens at least once a week.

[animamea.livejournal.com]

If I'm feeling friendly, I hold up the book a little higher and point at the title. If they ask what it's about, I point at the back cover and let them read it. If they haven't gotten the hint yet, I put my finger over my lips and shake my head to shush them.

If I'm not feeling friendly, or they refuse to be shushed, I will stare at them silently until they go away and/or leave.

I'm going to metaquote you, btw.

[animamea.livejournal.com]

...and/or *I* will leave.

Must need more caffeine...

[dorcas-gustine.livejournal.com]

Or when you're doodling something and they ALWAYS ask, "Who's that?"

IT'S NOT BLOODY ANYBODY!!! IT'S JUST A BLEEDING DRAWING OF A PERSON!!!!

[slave2tehtink.livejournal.com]

Here from metaquotes and OMG WORD. WORD WORD WORDITY WORD WORD.

I hatehatehate people who all of a sudden want to discuss my reading habits when I have a precious few minutes to pick up a book. I've heard all the "Well, they're just trying to be nice and start a conversation" excuses, all of which fail to take into account that if I wanted to be holding a conversation, I WOULD NOT BE HOLDING A BOOK.

*pantpantpant*

[mercymydarling.livejournal.com]

EXACTLY. And it's infuriating, especially if they say, "I'm not bothering you, am I?" and then keep fucking talking. *is annoyed*

[slave2tehtink.livejournal.com]

And then when you say "Yes" suddenly YOU'RE the horrible person here because all you wanted in life was a peaceful 15 minutes to have a smoke and read a freakin book!

It's enough to make a girl want to schlep a copy of the OED around with her to use as a blunt instrument on people who do that stupid shit, it is.

[mercymydarling.livejournal.com]

WORD. And because the person who does this to me ALL THE TIME is someone I work with, I always end up sighing and closing my book and assuring her that she's not bothering me at all, while fantasizing her death by Borders delivery truck.

She also prefaces every conversation like this with "Wow, I never read!" like that's something to be proud of.

[mercymydarling.livejournal.com]

...I am totally employing this strategy from now on.

[maryling.livejournal.com]

Ok, that person would be dead. DON'T TOUCH PEOPLE. That includes TOUCHING THE THINGS COVERING THEIR EARS.

[sparky-ld.livejournal.com]

It's even more fun when you're drawing random critters of indeterminate species.

"What's that?"
"Dunno. Just some random little critter."
"It's... a tiger, crossed with a dragon."
"...Okay."

[slave2tehtink.livejournal.com]

Does she do that THING, too? Where if you actually tell her how quickly you're going to finish that book, or how many books you actually read a week, she acts like you're some kind of space alien who should be studied by science?

"How long will it take you to finish that?"
"About a day."
"Wow, how many books do you read a week?"
"Depends. About five or six."
"WOW, I never read, that's so amazing, wow, how do you do that?"

OMG YOU MORON I DO IT ONE WORD AT A TIME!!

[mercymydarling.livejournal.com]

YES SHE FUCKING DOES. And then she goes back inside and tells all the other waitresses, and the manager, and her customers about me and my weird ass ability to read. The first few times that happened, I had people coming up to me all day, expressing disbelief at my ability to finish a damned Steven King book in five hours. Sometimes they still do. After the last Harry Potter book came out, I was bombarded with "HOW LONG DID IT TAKE YOU TO READ THAT?" left right and center, and when I made the mistake of honestly answering "A little under five hours", nearly everyone scoffed in disbelief. Like... do you want to time me? I'm content to sit down, read a whole fucking book, and tell you the plot if it will shut you up forever.

...heh. That was kind of ranty. I apologize. But, yeah, wow, that shit bothers me so much.

[slave2tehtink.livejournal.com]

If anything we've been having a cooperative rant on these people who are the bane of any reader's existence from the first time she takes a book out in public.

It's not even as if Stephen King or J. K. Rowling are difficult reads for the love of God! Good stories, sure, but they both write at about the same level, which is to say appropriate for "young adults."

Maybe we can found a reader's commune, and charge people admission to come stand on the other side of big plate-glass windows to watch us read. There will be a big sign next to each window that tells you what the reader is reading, how long it will take them to read it, how many books they've read this week, etc etc.

[mercymydarling.livejournal.com]

!!! I think I love you now. *g* I would totally do that, just sit and read a good book, and get gawked at. Fuck, I'd even let people bring me books to read. "You want me to read this overly redundant Anne Rice novel? Set the timer for five and a half hours, sir!"

[dorcas-gustine.livejournal.com]

Or monsters. Or kids with rocket launchers.

Nobody really understands when I draw monsters.

Or when I was going through a phase of drawing mostly females somebody asked me, "Why? Are you a lesbian?"

[slave2tehtink.livejournal.com]

Totally doable! I wonder how much we could get people to pay to watch us read...

[sabotabby]

I'm with you.

I've found Neil Gaiman is the worst. When I was reading American Gods on the way to work I was always being stopped by random guys who decided that I was the Perfect Woman^TM or something.

Next time I'm just going to answer, "PORN."

[bf423.livejournal.com]

We'd also need a big counter oer each head that constantly updates with average word count per minute.

[csi-tokyo3.livejournal.com]

followed in from metaquotes. I occasionally have an audio-visual gig where the main point is keeping my ears open, so I get to sit behind the soundboard with a backpack full of books & get paid to read. :D