Random stuff ...

[apocalypsos]

-- I am about to have cheesecake ice cream for breakfast, which gives you some idea just how bad a night I had at work.

-- Okay, seriously, this Luke/Noah schmoopy fic idea is turning into a freakin' monster. I haven't even written a word yet but I keep coming up with all these notes and plotlines and oh, of course we HAVE to know what happens with this person and that baby and dude, I don't even know. I'm going to end up with this weird soapy 'verse where Luke and Noah are just this cute little gay couple with kids who are perfectly normal up until they get blackmailed or roofied or come back from the dead three times in a week or whatever.

-- Apparently they ran an order through the DVD sometime yesterday called Naked Boys Singing! and the slipsheet with the naked guys on it was being passed around like a hot potato. See, everybody else kept one because of the naked guy inside and I just kept one so I could remember the names of the other gay-themed movies listed inside so I could look them up. Heh.

-- The snow began to fall on the diner two hours before the massacre. What do you think? That opening sentence work for you? (Don't mind me. The opening sentences on my original stories never make me happy unless someone else pats me on the head and says, "Okay, you can keep going now." *shrugs*)

Comments

[opportunemoment.livejournal.com]

The snow began to fall on the diner two hours before the massacre.

Well, I like it. Sets up location, mood, time of year and y'know. Massacre. :)

[budclare.livejournal.com]

I almost like it. I'm not sure about "on the diner", specifically "on". I think maybe I'd like "outside the diner" better. Or maybe "on" would be fine if not for the "the" at the beginning of the sentence. Somehow the "the" and "on" in the same sentence bothers me a smidge.

...no, nevermind. I'm just really, really, insanely tired. I'm pretty sure I'd think it was fine if I were awake.

Regardless, pointless quibbling over a word or two aside, it's a good beginning.

[beautifulstars.livejournal.com]

I agree with you. I'd play around with the 'the' and the 'on' a bit.

[budclare.livejournal.com]

Oh, good. I feel less crazy now. Though really that's more of a second draft issue, I suppose.

[unperfectwolf.livejournal.com]

*pats on head* You can keep going now. I wanna know who is being massacred and why.

[squee1123.livejournal.com]

The line certainly grabs my attention. I like it.

[silverkit.livejournal.com]

Apparently they ran an order through the DVD sometime yesterday called Naked Boys Singing!

I've seen that show on stage in my home city. God lord it's a riot!

[scary-being-me.livejournal.com]

That's an opening line that definitely grabs your attention and makes you want to read more.

Some people seem to have an issue with you using "the" and "on" in the same sentence.

I think the the use of "The" and "on" in the same sentece is fine. If you want to drop "The"; it still works. I wouldn't change "on" to "outside" because "outside" has effect of distancing the snow from the diner in people's mind. "On" brings the snow in and makes it part of the story.

If this particular snowfall is significant to the story; definitely keep "The"; otherwise, do whatever you find more pleasing.