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Dec. 9th, 2003 07:36 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
apocalypsosNote to self: There's nothing that will ruin the mood of reading a steamy, emotional love scene in a romance novel like "Funky Coe Medina" coming on your mini-disc player.
So, yeah, Captain Asshat.
Yesterday, Captain Asshat made a point of proving that he only has three conversational settings:
1. "Watch me drop this incredibly fascinating piece of trivia and start an intelligent, intriguing conversation."
Example:
"You know, the Monkees didn't write their own music."
My response: (fake shocked) "No!"
"They didn't play their own instruments, either."
What I should have said: "Actually, Mike Nesmith and Peter Tork were accomplished guitarists before they ever started the show, and Davy and Mickey had been singing for years in theater and on TV."
What I did say, 'cause it was funnier: (fake shocked) "No! My heart, it is broken!"
2. "I am a victim, as my entire family is out to get me, especially my evil uncle, who is trying to steal my grandfather's entire fortune and ..."
Okay, A.) your family is not "Dynasty". You work at DHL, so I can pretty much guarantee that.
B.) Your family is filled with intrigues, jerks and relatives fucking with one another? Well, then, your family is normal. Find me a non-dysfunctional family, and I'll show you a family on more drugs than every Rock and Roll Hall of Fame inductee in the seventies combined.
And C.) Move out. If you have such a beef with your family, move the fuck out. Can't afford to live in the Washington area without roomies? Find some. Or move somewhere where you can afford to live on your own. Worried about your ninety-year-old grandfather? I thought you said you have other relatives who help take care of him, too. You are over thirty and have no wife or kids. So not to be a jerk, but go the fuck away.
And then there's 3.) "Your political views/knowledge of film/knowledge of anything at all in the universe is wrong, and let me tell you why whether you want to hear it or not for as much time as it takes to annoy the fuck out of you."
I hate President Bush. Captain Asshat knows this. He also pounces on every opportunity to say that President Bush is not the one I or anyone else should be hating, since he's not the one making all the decisions.
You know what? I don't want to hear it. You know why I hate Bush? I hate Bush because I hate his administration, the attitudes they portray to the world, the war they started, the way they use the media, the disgusting laws they want to pass, and the way they've managed to royally screw over the economy. In summation, I hate Bush because it's possible for me to vote his ass out of office next year, and whomever I end up voting into office next year will get rid of his jackass administration.
Now, look. I work from noon to eight. After 7:30, I only have to do inventory over my office and I'm done. As such, I usually spend fifteen to twenty minutes checking my email, looking at CNN.com, reading my friends list, etc., on the only Internet-connected computer in the office. My boss doesn't mind, my supervisor doesn't mind, my co-workers don't mind. They tease because I basically don't take a break all day just so I can check my email, but as long as I don't get in anyone's way, no one cares.
Except, apparently, Captain Asshat.
I took inventory last night, then closed up my office and went out to check LJ. As I was checking my friends list, he comes over, starts reading over my shoulder, and asks me what LJ is like. (When he says that, he means politically.) Now, he'd already annoyed me twice yesterday by getting in my way and yammering about his personal problems while making it really difficult for me to do my job. So to say I was already annoyed by him is an understatement. (Hence my phone post.)
So I said that LJ's mostly liberal, Democrats, "and a lot of Bush-haters." He immediately started in on why we're all wrong and Bush is just a figurehead and blah blah Captain Asshatcakes. Now, I'm obviously trying to read my friends list here, and this is one of my two pet peeves -- people who bug me when I'm wearing headphones, and people who bug me when I'm trying to read. This is why I never annoy anyone who's checking the Internet on that computer. I just wait quietly until they're done.
And then there's Captain Asshat, who stands there and proceeds to yammer about the vast political conspiracy that makes him right and everyone I know wrong.
So I got pissed. And when I get pissed, I pull no punches, which is why I said, "Look, not to be a dick, but could you just shut up and leave me alone for fifteen minutes?"
Did he? No.
He immediately gets all uppity and snots, "Well, you don't have to be rude about it." And I would have been sorry about being rude about it if he'd just walked away and actually been quiet until I left. But no, that would have been too easy.
Instead, he goes over to do his work five feet away, right in front of me, and proceeds to snot in a low voice about the Bush-hating shit and people who obviously aren't doing their work. At this point in the night, his options are a.) he's talking to the boxes, b.) he's talking to himself, or c.) he's bitching about me.
Me: "Jesus, can't you just be quiet for ten minutes?"
CA: "I wasn't talking to you!"
Me: "You're not talking to anyone! You're just grumbling to yourself like a surly five-year-old. How hard is it for you to be quiet for ten minutes? Why is it that you're the only one who can't leave me the hell alone now? Don't you have work to do? 'Cause I don't."
Thus followed a bunch of snide comments as he tried desperately to get the last word in. You know what? That's toddler behavior. Stop that. Jesus on a pogo stick, grow the fuck up.
He managed to properly ignore me after that. Thank God.
Of course, today should be incredibly amusing. *grrrrrr*
So, yeah, Captain Asshat.
Yesterday, Captain Asshat made a point of proving that he only has three conversational settings:
1. "Watch me drop this incredibly fascinating piece of trivia and start an intelligent, intriguing conversation."
Example:
"You know, the Monkees didn't write their own music."
My response: (fake shocked) "No!"
"They didn't play their own instruments, either."
What I should have said: "Actually, Mike Nesmith and Peter Tork were accomplished guitarists before they ever started the show, and Davy and Mickey had been singing for years in theater and on TV."
What I did say, 'cause it was funnier: (fake shocked) "No! My heart, it is broken!"
2. "I am a victim, as my entire family is out to get me, especially my evil uncle, who is trying to steal my grandfather's entire fortune and ..."
Okay, A.) your family is not "Dynasty". You work at DHL, so I can pretty much guarantee that.
B.) Your family is filled with intrigues, jerks and relatives fucking with one another? Well, then, your family is normal. Find me a non-dysfunctional family, and I'll show you a family on more drugs than every Rock and Roll Hall of Fame inductee in the seventies combined.
And C.) Move out. If you have such a beef with your family, move the fuck out. Can't afford to live in the Washington area without roomies? Find some. Or move somewhere where you can afford to live on your own. Worried about your ninety-year-old grandfather? I thought you said you have other relatives who help take care of him, too. You are over thirty and have no wife or kids. So not to be a jerk, but go the fuck away.
And then there's 3.) "Your political views/knowledge of film/knowledge of anything at all in the universe is wrong, and let me tell you why whether you want to hear it or not for as much time as it takes to annoy the fuck out of you."
I hate President Bush. Captain Asshat knows this. He also pounces on every opportunity to say that President Bush is not the one I or anyone else should be hating, since he's not the one making all the decisions.
You know what? I don't want to hear it. You know why I hate Bush? I hate Bush because I hate his administration, the attitudes they portray to the world, the war they started, the way they use the media, the disgusting laws they want to pass, and the way they've managed to royally screw over the economy. In summation, I hate Bush because it's possible for me to vote his ass out of office next year, and whomever I end up voting into office next year will get rid of his jackass administration.
Now, look. I work from noon to eight. After 7:30, I only have to do inventory over my office and I'm done. As such, I usually spend fifteen to twenty minutes checking my email, looking at CNN.com, reading my friends list, etc., on the only Internet-connected computer in the office. My boss doesn't mind, my supervisor doesn't mind, my co-workers don't mind. They tease because I basically don't take a break all day just so I can check my email, but as long as I don't get in anyone's way, no one cares.
Except, apparently, Captain Asshat.
I took inventory last night, then closed up my office and went out to check LJ. As I was checking my friends list, he comes over, starts reading over my shoulder, and asks me what LJ is like. (When he says that, he means politically.) Now, he'd already annoyed me twice yesterday by getting in my way and yammering about his personal problems while making it really difficult for me to do my job. So to say I was already annoyed by him is an understatement. (Hence my phone post.)
So I said that LJ's mostly liberal, Democrats, "and a lot of Bush-haters." He immediately started in on why we're all wrong and Bush is just a figurehead and blah blah Captain Asshatcakes. Now, I'm obviously trying to read my friends list here, and this is one of my two pet peeves -- people who bug me when I'm wearing headphones, and people who bug me when I'm trying to read. This is why I never annoy anyone who's checking the Internet on that computer. I just wait quietly until they're done.
And then there's Captain Asshat, who stands there and proceeds to yammer about the vast political conspiracy that makes him right and everyone I know wrong.
So I got pissed. And when I get pissed, I pull no punches, which is why I said, "Look, not to be a dick, but could you just shut up and leave me alone for fifteen minutes?"
Did he? No.
He immediately gets all uppity and snots, "Well, you don't have to be rude about it." And I would have been sorry about being rude about it if he'd just walked away and actually been quiet until I left. But no, that would have been too easy.
Instead, he goes over to do his work five feet away, right in front of me, and proceeds to snot in a low voice about the Bush-hating shit and people who obviously aren't doing their work. At this point in the night, his options are a.) he's talking to the boxes, b.) he's talking to himself, or c.) he's bitching about me.
Me: "Jesus, can't you just be quiet for ten minutes?"
CA: "I wasn't talking to you!"
Me: "You're not talking to anyone! You're just grumbling to yourself like a surly five-year-old. How hard is it for you to be quiet for ten minutes? Why is it that you're the only one who can't leave me the hell alone now? Don't you have work to do? 'Cause I don't."
Thus followed a bunch of snide comments as he tried desperately to get the last word in. You know what? That's toddler behavior. Stop that. Jesus on a pogo stick, grow the fuck up.
He managed to properly ignore me after that. Thank God.
Of course, today should be incredibly amusing. *grrrrrr*
