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You want to know what the definition of irony is? It's that according to "Chasing Amy" and "Gigli," Ben "Hi, I'm Matt Damon's better half!" Affleck is apparently the cure for lesbianism. You'd think it'd be someone with slightly more testosterone than him ... you know, like Jennifer Garner or the U.S. women's soccer team or something.

Good. Holy. Lord.

If you want to have a brand new appreciation for whatever crappy job you have, read this. Suddenly, data entry looks new and exciting to me. :) Also, gyaaaah! *user squirms*

Oh, and get this ... we have kittens! Well, okay, we don't technically have kittens. (That's what cats are for. Duh.) The mother did, in our shed. So now, there's kittens. Evil, Satan-worshipping kittens who quite possibly have been siphoning our gas, raiding our fridge, drinking our Smirnoffs, stealing our socks and giving blackmail information to the Psycho Neighbor.

Now, you're saying, what could possibly cause me to think this way about a trio of adorable, innocent kittens? Because they ate a freaking baby bunny!

Screw the Circle of Life. Just imagine a cute, fuzzy baby bunny with big, soulful brown eyes and an itty bitty twitchy nose just hopping along, minding its sweet, innocent business, perhaps stopping to sniff the roses as a butterfly alights on one of its floppy little ears, when --

BAM!

Whacked by three kittens with cigars, sunglasses and tommy guns. It's the Easter Sunday Massacre, and no bunny gets out alive!

*sigh*

Yes, I know I'm insane. Let's not dwell, 'kay?

All right, that's it!

I am officially a lazy schmuck. I've been sitting in front of my laptop trying to write since I got back from Wally World an hour ago, and instead I've been slacking off on LJ and Ogrish.

I've got a couple of novels I could be working on, a few screenplays that need finishing, and at least one story that would definitely get going if I could actually get my ass in gear and write the first freaking chapter. And I haven't even mentioned the five thousand fanfic ideas I've got in my head right now.

*sigh*

Would somebody please smack some sense into me so that I'll stop slacking? I seriously need to get back to work again and be Little Miss Responsible Writer like usual, instead of going in and out of my house and taunting the evil kittens.

Well, I started writing ...

... just kind of at random, you know? Whatever popped into my head. That sort of thing. That's how I ended up with this -- my birthday wish list.

Yeah, okay, my birthday's not for two and a half months. However, I am in reality a spoiled four-year-old, so there you go. And yeah, okay, I said I was going to write actual fiction. And I'm going to go do that now, seeing as how the list revved up the creative part of my brain and now I'm in writer mode.

So here it is. Here's what I want for my birthday. Anything on this list would make my 26th just that much better than normal. (Which, in general, is usually a step above crappy.) Some are definitely impossible, some are just wishful thinking, some are silliness, some are serious, and some are actually within reach. But they all give me warm, fuzzy feelings of varying degrees, so there you go.)

( My list )