(no subject)

You know that feeling you get when you think you left the iron on? I just woke up an hour or so ago and now I can't get back to sleep because I'm having a severe case of That Feeling. It's about something at work, because I screwed up a whole bunch of stuff yesterday and made a checklist and still feel as if I did something idiotic like not hit the one button that made an entire afternoon's worth of work worthwhile.

And I woke up at four, too, right about the time that the girl who comes in before me gets there ...

Aw, geez. I cannot be hearing early-morning screams of aggravation from two miles away, can I? Can I?!

Oh, and was I the only person on the planet who didn't watch "Angel" tonight? *checks friends list* Hmm. Yes. Yes, I was. Hey, don't look at me like that. You people have your cootie-ridden eyeballs all over Spike.

As sad as it is, I like the thought that Christopher Gorman is sitting on a soundstage somewhere waiting to perform solely for me. Because then my thoughts go to an even naughtier place than the one the phrase "Spike on 'Angel'" takes me to. Amazingly enough, there is a naughtier place than that.

Even more amazing, I'm old enough to get in. I can't decide if that's cool or depressing.

EDIT: Okay, I did flip onto "Angel" just in time to see Angel's big granite head broodily filling my TV screen and Harmony popping her head in with a huge grin saying, "Blondie Bear?" Which finally answers that eternal question, "Was there ever anything that could have made that Connor/Cordelia sex scene amusing at all?"

Spotted on IMDb ...

I wouldn't even mention this, but the part in bold is absolutely killing me.

Britney Spears' close friendship with dancer Columbus Short is once again under intense scrutiny - after his pregnant wife announced they have separated. The singer has been spotted in the company of hunky Short on numerous occasions and they've been snapped kissing. However, Britney's representatives claim the dancer was simply helping Spears rehearse her raunchy kiss with Madonna for the MTV Video Music Awards. But now Short's eight months pregnant wife Brandi has confirmed she and her husband have split - and friends close to the couple believe she will divorce her husband if he remains in Britney's company. A source says, "Brandi doesn't know what she's going to do. If he keeps it up, she's going to get a divorce."

Since when is kissing Madonna something you have to rehearse? I can't think of anything you have to premeditate before kissing Madonna, aside from deciding which one of you gets to be the tramp.

Some people I talk to on the phone at work make me want to throw things.

Dear Annoying Dumbasses,

When I call you, tell you I'm from the shipping company, and inform you as politely as possible that your package is undeliverable to the address you wrote on it, please for the love of frosted donuts, would you stop asking me in a snooty tone of voice, "Well, why can't you deliver it?"

Hmm. Let me think. Perhaps it has to do with the fifty diarrhetic gorillas standing guard at the front door with steaming piles of excremental weaponry and spot-on throwing aim. Perhaps it's because our driver was not prepared to fight an entire regiment of medieval knights armed to the teeth with every sharp instrument and boiling hot substance they could get their grubby paws on. Perhaps it has everything to do with the fear-inducing sight of the company's secretarial pool greeting everyone who walks through the front door dressed as the characters from "The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert" and singing disco hits at the top of their bloody lungs.

Or maybe, just maybe, it's because you put the wrong fucking address on it.

But hey, could still be the gorillas. You never know, really.